We Are Broken
by sharada614
Summary: Something happened, which Emma had successfully hid for four months. Someone finds out, and to everyone's surprise, helps Emma. It's her junior year, and her plate is completely full. When love gets added to the mix, can she handle it?
1. Introduction

**I started this while I was watching Saved!, so the general plot line is loosely based on the movie. And, just so you know, the characters a little out of character. There's your warning. Here's the introduction:**

* * *

_Everything was supposed to be perfect. I was going to be a junior. Two years and I would be off to college. I had summer plans with everyone before starting the long boring school year. The beginning of summer was amazing. I had my friends, my family, and a new boyfriend. We had been going out for a while, maybe four or five months. He told me he loved me, like five times a day. I believed him. He wanted to sleep with me. Part of me did too, but part of me thought I should wait. I'm not talking marriage or anything, but I don't know, I just felt I should wait. He thought I didn't think he was special enough for me or something. I guess that is kind of true. Why else wouldn't I want to sleep with him? A couple days later he said he was going away for a week. It was to some place on the beach, um, I'm pretty sure it was Martha's Vineyard. I try hard to block that memory out of my head._

_Anyway I had to beg my mom to let me go. I really did beg too, literally on my hands and knees. She didn't trust us to be alone. I should have listened to her. I regret it every single day of my life. The not listening to my mom part, but what teenager actually thinks that their parent is trying to help them? It was a horrible week. I'm surprised I came home at all. I couldn't face my mother. What would she think of me? The entire ordeal was stressful and beyond horrible. I lost myself; I lost everything I believed in. I felt like everything I had been doing, like the demonstrations and protests, the whole "Green Peace" cause was a total waste of time. What did it matter? It didn't prepare me for anything._

_The trip to Martha's Vineyard was a disaster. I got back the first day of August. School was starting soon. I didn't feel right. At first I thought it was just because of what I had gone through on the trip. It wasn't, well it was, but it wasn't the whole reason. I felt distant from everyone; I wouldn't let anyone touch me. It was a horrible beginning to the school year, to my junior year. That isn't even the beginning. I found out that Jay was let back in school. Honestly it didn't bother me all that much; my plate was too full with everything else that I had to deal with. Besides, I wasn't the same Tree Hugger, so Jay was not on my list of priorities._

_I had it all under control. I was by myself, and handling it. Manny and them thought something was wrong. I mean we have been friends forever so she knew something was up. She had the whole Spirit Squad with Darcy and whatever so I just slowly pulled away. She had her own life to live, and her own movie star dreams to fulfill. I really didn't want anyone to worry about me. Everyone had their own worlds with their own drama. Mom and Snake had Jack, Manny had her dreams, along with all the other people I talked to or hung out with. I didn't want to be a bother, and I didn't want them to know._

_I didn't want anyone to know how big of a mistake I made. I couldn't face it, the situation, the people, or my problem. I had no clue how this was going to go, or what was going to happen the next day. If someone found out then that would be the end. It would be the end of me. Everyone would talk and talk about what they didn't know. I couldn't handle it; I didn't want to have to handle it. I didn't want to deal with it at all._

_The first couple of months were fine. Mom and Snake were a little worried that I didn't talk much or touch them at all, or even look them in the eye. I always made them shrug it off when they saw me with Jack. He was the only one I went near, or touched. I could sit there for hours and play with him. I didn't have anyone at school, or at all, but I could always come home to Jack. He was the only one I had._


	2. Chapter 1

_I think it was about four months later when someone first found out. It caught me completely off guard. It was one of the weirdest things. Who would have thought? I mean it was the person I would vote least likely to become my friend. I honestly don't know how she figured it out; it was like she knew the entire time. I wouldn't have ever thought she could be that type of person. Everyone gets put into these stupid categories, and she definitely did not fit in the category she was pushed into._

The class is talking about babies, having them, keeping them, giving them up. It is annoying. I have to get out. I shoot my hand in the air.

"Yes Ms. Nelson?" The teacher asks.

"May I use the restroom?" I ask back as politely as I could.

He says "I may." So I dash out of the classroom. I walk into the bathroom and sit down in one of the stalls. After a few minutes I get up, flush the toilet, and walk out to see Alex leaning against a sink.

"Are you afraid to talk about sex?" Alex questions, raising her eyebrows slightly.

I am quick and blunt, "No."

"Well," She starts, "You sure dashed out of that room pretty quickly."

"Well I had to use the bathroom," I say, giving her tone right back to her.

"So how do you feel about giving the baby away?" Alex asks. This girl is just full of questions.

"It is the mother's choice," I reply. I am hoping she would drop it. I mean how far would she want to go? Why is she even talking to me in the first place? She never liked me or did she just suddenly forget that.

"Would you sell your baby to the devil?" Alex asks that nonchalantly. I mean I know she is all bad ass but where the hell did that come from?

"I am not going to sell my baby to…" Did I just say that? What have I done? How could I possibly let that slip?

Alex seems kind of shocked. "You're pregnant?"

I just look at her. "No…"

"You can't do this alone," I can't tell if that was more of a demand or a statement.

"I have it under control," I snap. I didn't mean to snap at her. What did I just get myself into? This is supposed to be a secret.

"You can't do it alone," She repeats herself.

I am almost yelling at this point. "Yes I can! I have handled it just fine for the past four months so please just drop it!

I was taken back by her action. She pulls me into a hug. "You don't have to be alone."

I hug her back. I am completely surprised at both myself and Alex. Where does it go from here?

"Come on," Alex says, "You need to get out of here."

"We can't skip," Alex already walked out the door, I follow her. "Alex we aren't skipping, are we?"

* * *

Alex and I get to the Dot and sit in a booth. I feel funny. I am with Alex, Alex of all people. Am I dreaming? 

"Why are you doing this?" I have to know if this is just some joke.

"You can't handle this all by yourself." Alex sort of looks as if she cares, but then again I don't know her all that well.

"I don't want to find out that this was all some joke and have the entire world know that I am going to have a baby." I make my voice stay firm, even though I am a little freaked out.

"Chill, I wont tell anyone, I swear, or whatever." She rolls her eyes, not in a mean sort of way though. Is this really happening?

"So you'll be nice to me today, what about tomorrow in school?" I am very curious.

"Do I look like the type of person that fiends for other people's approval? I honestly don't care; you need someone to help you through this. I'm taking it that no one else knows."

"No, no one else knows." I look down at the table.

"Wow I must be pretty smart." Alex laughs a little.

A waitress came over, we both order chocolate milkshakes. This is going pretty good. It feels good to talk to someone who can form real sentences.

"How'd this happen?" Alex asks. I have been waiting for it ever since she figured it out.

"Well… um, it's kind of a long story. I've never told anyone." I am playing with the straw as I speak. My voice is so soft, I feel so vulnerable.

"You can trust me, I won't tell. I am here to help." Alex looks like she actually cares. Why now though? I knew it is just because she feels sorry for me, or something of that nature.

"Why are you doing this?" I have to ask again. I need to know the truth.

Alex huffs a little, "Look, I know we never got along. I thought you were all goody, goody tree hugger. Apparently you have as many issues as I do. I really won't tell anyone, but you cannot do this alone."

"It feels good to talk to someone who can actually put together a real sentence." I am beginning to lighten up.

"Huh?" Alex sort of cocks her head to the side.

"The only person I go near or remotely talk to is my little brother Jack. He's only two so his speech isn't quite to English standards yet."

"Well talk to me, what happened? You don't seem like the type of person who would be having a baby in their junior year of high school."

"I know," I think I should tell her, I need to get some of this off my chest. "Well it started off being an amazing summer. I had a boyfriend who told me he loved me all the time, and stupid me, I believed him…"

* * *

_I told her the whole story. It felt so good for someone to know what happened. She looked sort of shocked, for lack of a better word._

"I really can't believe that happened to you." Alex exclaims. "I mean you of all people."

"Yeah" What else was there to say? We sit in silence for a little bit, just sipping our milkshakes. Maybe this is a mistake. I shouldn't have told her.

"Emma," Alex begins, "You will never be Tree Hugger to me again." She laughs a little and I smile. The ice is officially broken.

"You surprise me," I simply state, "I mean being nice to me, and not telling anyone. You are the first person, besides Jack, that I let touch me in four months."

"I can understand that, I don't like when people touch me, but I don't know, you sort of got to me. You're different, I'm not saying I'm in love with you, you just don't fit in that mold that people have you in these days." Alex is spinning her straw in her almost empty glass.

"Yeah, I get it." I half smile at her. I do understand, and this, her being with me and talking helped me a lot, "So where to now?"

"Well schools out," Alex looks like she is thinking of something, "I got it, if we get back to school that is."

Alex gets up fast and starts leaving. I left some money on the table for our milkshakes and try to keep up with her.

"Alex, why are we going back to school?"

"We'll need a ride."

"A ride to where?" What is this girl talking about? I want to know where we are going.

"The mall," Alex doesn't look at me. She states it as if I should know that that is where we are going.

"You shop?" I ask. Alex so does not look like the person who goes shopping.

"No."

Hmm, looks like I was right. So why are we going there? Here we stand in Degrassi's parking lot. I think I figured out where we are going to get the ride from. Alex and I start walking towards the cars. He looks up, sort of confused; I definitely know what he is thinking: 'Why on earth of those two girls with each other?'

"Jay," Alex says, "Can you give us a ride?" He looks back and fourth at us. I think he is trying to decipher if Alex means me and her. He doesn't answer for what seems like years, it is probably only a couple seconds. Alex walks up to him and hits his arm.

"What… oh, yeah sure, get in." Jay is still confused. I slid in the back seat, still not making eye contact with Jay. This feels weird, I feel awkward. Alex and Jay get in the front. "Where to?" He asks.

"Mall," Alex is always so simple. She is short and sweet and to the point.

"Why?" He asks.

"We have some things to do," Another statement in a simple tone. It's like she does care, but it's also like she doesn't care.

"We?" He asks.

"Yeah, me and the girl in the back of your car, her name is Emma if you don't remember." Now that Alex says with a sarcastic tone. I let out a slight laugh.

"Since when are you two buddy-buddy?" He asks, damn this kid sure loves questions, he's like a two year old.

"Since now," Alex shrugs her shoulders.

It truly isn't a big deal to her, which is letting me be semi-okay with the fact that I told her, and only her, what happened to me. I think Jay is looking at me through the rear view mirror. I won't look at him, but I can feel him looking at me. I keep looking down, twiddling my fingers. This car ride seems never ending.

"What's up with you?" He asks. I think that question is directed towards me. I won't answer.

Alex answers for me, "She's having some problems."

"Poor Green Peace," Wow he finally says something that isn't a question.

Alex hit his arm, "Don't start with that again."

"Ow, okay." It didn't really hurt him. He lowers his voice, "So what's with her?"

"I can't tell you."

"Come on Lexi."

"No, she needs someone, right now that someone happens to be me. I am not going to tell you." Alex doesn't raise her voice, but you can tell she is serious. Jay looks at her quickly and then places his eyes back on the road. Alex is looking straight ahead. Now I know she won't tell anyone. I think I finally have a friend, a real friend. This is what I didn't want, someone who thinks I need help. I know about Alex's home life, she doesn't have the time to worry about me.

* * *

We finally get to the mall. Jay pulls up to one of the many entrances. I automatically get out, not looking or talking to anyone. Alex takes longer to get out. 

"Thanks for the ride." Alex says looking at him.

"No problem," Jay replies, "So what's up with you two?"

"She needs someone, I found something out. Emma's not the little tree hugger you used to pick on. She's not that bad, personally, her life is a mess. I promised I wouldn't tell anyone. I got to go, later."

Alex comes over to me as Jay pulls out. "You ready?" She asks.

"Why are we here? You hate shopping and neither of us have money."

"Years of shop lifting experience. You are going to need bigger clothes."

"I don't know Alex, I can't do that."

"Come on, you'll have fun." Alex drags me into a maternity store.

It is fun. I try on things I would never have ever put on my body, and I even get Alex to try some stuff on too. It really is relaxing. I have no idea how we are able to steal this stuff. It's wrong, but life has been so hellish I don't care anymore.

We went to the food court. I am starving; of course I am since I'm eating for two. I have a piece of pizza and a plate of Portuguese food. It tastes delicious.

"Thanks Alex," I smile at her. This is a good day.

"Anytime." She nods as she finished chewing. "Have you thought about telling your parents?"

"Mom will kill me, and Snake, well Snake will too."

"How are you going to explain it to them when you suddenly get huge?" Alex's tone makes me laugh as she does hand motions of my belly getting huge.

"I don't know what to do. I don't want to let them down. I don't want mom to think of me as a mistake again." My eyes begin to water but I hold back the tears.

""Whoa, what's that supposed to mean?" She puts down her food and looks at me.

"Mom had me while she was in high school."

"Well then she will understand."

"It's just… I don't know, I feel like a big disappointment." I say while twirling my fork around my food.

"I will come with you if you want," Alex seems so sincere, "You need to tell them."

"Thanks." I look up at her and put down my fork. "How are we getting home?"

"Hmm," Alex seems to be contemplating. "Jay might be doing something, but he will pick us up."

"Are you sure?"

"No, but I'll call and find out." Alex says as she held out her hand.

"You want my phone?"

"Duh," She motions her hand out again.

I pull mine out of my pocket and placed it in her hand. She dials Jay's number. I can only hear her part of the conversation. There's some small talk and whatnot, classic phone call talk, and then she says bye. I stop playing with my food to take the phone back she has hanging over my plate in her hand.

"20 minutes or so," Alex states.

"Does he mind?"

"Not really, I don't care though." She shrugs her shoulders.

"Oh, I don't want to be a bother."

"It's fine." She looks up at me. "Are you going to be able to tell your parents?"

"It is inevitable," I sigh and take a deep breath, "I wish I didn't have to. I wish I didn't make such a horrible mistake."

"This isn't your fault, but you have to deal with it."

"I know, I know. I just… wish I didn't have to." My voice is quiet.

"Look," Alex starts, "I hate having to deal with my mother and her random boyfriends, but I have to. You have to deal with this. This isn't good for you or the baby."

"I hate that you're right" I smile at her. It's nice to have a friend to talk to. Who would have thought, Alex and I, friends?

We stand up and throw away our food. We had taken a bag from some store to put the close we stole in. I cannot believe I shop lifted. It was a wonderful experience. I do know it was wrong though, I will probably feel guilty about it later. We pick up the bags and start walking towards the entrance that Jay originally dropped us off at. We didn't wait long. An orange Honda Civic pulled up to the curb.

"Get in," Jay says, he seems kind of angry. Well not angry, more like annoyed or irritated. Alex opens up the front door and gets in, she gives Jay a look. I can't look at him, I just slid in the back and look down, or occasionally, I look out the window.

"Did you 'ladies' have fun?" Jay asks, smirking a little.

"Yes, as a matter of fact we did." Alex retorts.

"Is she too afraid of you to answer?" He asks, looking in the rear view mirror towards me.

"No, she just… she isn't have a good day." The words stumble out of Alex's mouth.

* * *

For some reason, moments feel like an eternity to me. I feel like I will be riding in that car forever. When we finally pull up to my house I feel like I am thirty. I stare at the house, almost in disbelief. I cannot go through with this. My eyes start to water; I can feel a couple tears escape. I can't open the door, I can't move, I just sit here and stare. 

"Emma," Alex seems concerned. It is almost as if she said my name like a question. "Emma you have to do this."

"What does she have to do?" Jay asks, he turns towards Alex and me.

"Shut up Jay," Alex looks at him for a brief moment before returning to me. "Emma, I'll go in with you if you want." All I can do is nod. I wipe my cheeks and take a deep breath. I open the car door, pick up the bag of clothes, and slowly step out. I walk towards the door while Alex has a conversation with Jay.

"What the hell is going on?" Jay is beyond confused.

"I can't explain." She opens the door, "Thanks for the ride." Alex gets out, closes the door and then I feel her behind me.

"What did Jay ask?"

"I didn't tell him anything. Are you ready to do this?" I shake my head no. I am not ready. I cannot do this. My legs go numb for a second. I can't walk, or move at all. I close my eyes, tight, and take a deep breath.

"I have to do this" I say aloud, and not for any particular purpose, just for myself.

I slowly open up the front door to the Nelson-Simpson residence. I walk slowly, and carefully. Alex is following close behind. She closes the door as I set the bag of stolen merchandise on the floor by the bureau. I am moving in slow motion. My jacket comes off slowly and I gently put it on the hook.

"You can do this" Alex whispers. "It will be fine."

Part of me believes her. The other part of me is so beyond scared that I cannot answer her, or talk at all for that matter. We finally make it to the living room. I can hear mom in the kitchen with Jack. Thinking of Jack puts a little smile on my face.

"Honey," My mom called from the kitchen, "Is that you?"

"It's me mom." My voice is not normal, I sound almost childish.

"Em, what's wrong?" Mom asks as she appears with Jack at her side. Jack walks towards me and Alex.

"Emmy!" Jack giggles.

"Hi Jack," I say in a happy voice. "Mom, I need to tell you something."

"What is it?" Spike asks.

"Maybe we should all sit down." Alex states.

"Oh hi, who are you?"

"This is Alex, mom. Can you get dad and come sit down?"

"Yeah, sure sweetie" Alex and I sit down on the couch. Jack is between us playing with a toy he has. It is a phone that talks. It is his new favorite toy right now. I look at him and simply smile.

"This will work out." Alex whispers. Mom and Snake appear and sit down on the chair. I'm trying to take a deep breath. I do not want to cry.

"I am so, so, so, sorry. I should have listened to you guys. This is all my fault. I made a mistake and I am so, so, so sorry." I start crying.

Alex rubs my back and whispers to me, "You can do this Emma."

"Sweetie, what are you talking about?" I try to gather my thoughts before speaking. "The week before school when you let me go away with Mike (_the boyfriend)_ was a mistake, I should have listened to you. I am so sorry.

"Why honey, what happened?"

I tell them everything. It takes a long time. I have to wait for my crying to subside before I finish sentences. Mom is crying. I tell them the last part in almost a whisper. Now I wait for the yelling to begin.

"You—you're f-four m-m-months p-pr-pregnant?" Snake stutters.

I simply nod. I cannot talk. My face is covered in tears. Alex tries her best to comfort me. Mom gets up from the chair and hugs me. At first I freak out, mom notices and uses her soothing voice that she uses with Jack. I still have yet to look either of them in the eye. I feel terrible that I cannot even acknowledge Snake.

"I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you. This is all my fault." I sob again.

"No it isn't Emma." Alex says.

"We have to get you to a doctor." Mom says.

"Can I change before we go?" I ask mom.

"Of course sweetie" She smiles at me. I walk downstairs, leaving Alex with mom and Snake.

* * *

"Are you the only one that knows about this?" Snake asks Alex. 

"Yeah, I found out today. I took her out, and before you yell at us for skipping, she really needed it, and I talked her into telling you guys." Alex says confidently.

"Thank you Alex, part of me doesn't expect this from you." Snake replies.

"Well thank you Mr. S, I am full of surprises," Alex half smiles.

"Would you like us to bring you somewhere?" Spike asks.

"Nah, I'm good. Tell Emma I'll see her tomorrow, she is going to school right?" Alex asks.

"Maybe, I'm not sure. If she's up to going I guess." Spike contemplates. "Thank you so much."

"Anytime," Alex nods and walks out the door.

"How can this happen to my little girl?" Spike asks, crying.

"I honestly don't know," Snake hugs Spike.

* * *

I came up the stares to mom and Snake hugging. I look at them, this is all my fault. I should have never come home. 

"What's going on?" I ask.

"Nothing sweetie, you ready?" Mom asks me as she wipes the few tears from her cheeks.

"I guess…" We get in the car. The twenty minute ride to the hospital is silent. I am so sorry that I am putting them through this. Snake parks the car. The walk is slow and dismal. We finally reach the big double hospital doors. I just stare at them, they look so big. Do I have to go in there?

"It'll be okay." Mom whispers to me as she puts her arm around me, grabbing my opposite shoulder with her hand. She gives me a light squeeze. "Ready?" I simply nod. I am not ready. Not even close. We push open the big doors. Spike clasps on to Snake's hand. As we approach the service desk, a lady of about thirty or so looks up at us.

"How may I help you?" She sounds so full of life. She doesn't seem mean either, not like most people who tend to work around children. I turn my head, I cannot bear to listen to my mom tell the nurse what we need, what I did wrong. I made such a huge mistake.

"My daughter was raped, about four months ago, and is pregnant. We need an ultra sound; we want to make sure the baby is healthy." Spike says to the nurse.

"Okay, here are some papers to fill out," She hands a clipboard of papers over. "I will get a doctor to you as soon as possible." The nurse seems so sincere.

"Thank you," Spike's voice is just above a whisper. I turn back to look at mom when she tugs on my arm. I follow her and Snake to a row of empty chairs. There is a little boy sitting on his mother's lap. He looks to have a cold. I cannot help but stare. It's adorable and sad. It's sad that he has to be sick, but adorable at how well his mother is taking care of him. Will I be able to be a good mother to my own kid? My train of thought is interrupted by a doctor.

"Mrs. Nelson?" She asks. Mom stands up.

"Will you and your daughter come with me please?" The doctor asks. Mom hands the clipboard to Snake to finish filling out the forms. We follow the doctor down the hall. I am scared. The doctor motions for us to take a seat.

"May I ask why now?" The doctor asks.

"I know this may seem peculiar, but I just found out. Emma did not want to disappoint us. She could never though." Mom looks at me as sadness fills her eyes. "I know a conviction is unlikely after all this time but we want to make sure both the baby and Emma are okay." The doctor nods. She looks like she feels sorry for us, for me. She asks that I follow her to a different room. I walk behind her, at a snail's pace. I do not want to be here. I do not want this to be happening.

I slide up on the bed thing as the doctor closes the door. She acts very nice. She slowly folds down my pants, rubbing cold gel on my lower stomach. I can see my baby. The doctor points out the hands and talks about the baby. I just stare. It is so beautiful. I haven't seen anything this beautiful in a long time. The doctor prints me out the pictures. She rubs the left over gel off with a damp cloth. When she touches my arm I jump back.

"I'm sorry." She says simply. I just nod. For some reason I cannot seem to speak. I think she understands.

"I know this is an incredibly hard thing to go through, I have seen and helped many girls go through this. You have to know this is not your fault. We have counselors, I recommend you see one. It will help you through this. I can give you the names of some girls who have used this program if you like, to tell you that it helped them." She says while looking at me.

I do not look at her. I simply shake my head no. I do not need proof; I also do not want to talk. She motions for me to step down. I stand up and fix my pants. The doctor looks at me one last time before walking out. I follow her. Mom and Snake are in the waiting room, the doctor starts talking to them. I sit down in a chair and block them out. "They are healthy." The doctor says looking at them.

"Oh thank god." Spike eases her grip on Snake's hand.

"I talked to her about seeing a counselor but she didn't answer me. I really think it will benefit her." The doctor continues.

"She really hasn't spoken at all, besides telling us what happened." Snake answers.

"I know how difficult this is, but she cannot stay in this place. Many people in her situation have used this program and it helps." The doctor says.

"We will talk her into it." Spike replies. The doctor hands Spike the paperwork. She wishes Spike and Snake well and walks off down the corridor from which she appeared.

"Come on sweetie." Spike says gently. I look at her, after once again being taken out of my trance. I am happy that I can now allow mom to touch me. I get up and walk with them, my family, my parents, to the car. I am so tired. The car ride is once again silent. I hold my stomach the entire way home. I sit here staring at it, at me, at the little person growing inside of me. Can I handle this?

Mom asks me to sit with them in the living room. I sit back on the couch with my legs curled underneath me. I wait sometime for one of them to speak up.

"Emma," Dad starts, "We think it will be helpful for you to talk a counselor."

"You need to talk through this, to help you get past this." Mom adds. I look in their direction, still avoiding eye contact. "I'll do whatever you want, but may I go to sleep?"

"Oh of course honey, we will call tomorrow and set up an appointment." Mom says. I nod and head down to my room. Each time I step on a stair it feels as if I'm not going anywhere, like the stairs are an escalator. I finally reach the floor. I am really tired but I think I'll take a shower. I undress and get in. I let the water run down my body. I feel like crying, I haven't cried in forever. I can't. I haven't cried since the week before school, since I made a terrible mistake. I mean I cried when I told mom, but that was for her, not for me. I don't have the strength to wash my hair. I get out, put on lounge pants and a t-shirt. Is this really happening? I am so tired I cannot fall a sleep. I turn over and pick up the remote to my stereo. Snow Patrol is in the CD player. I hit play. They always soothe me. I slowly drift off to sleep...


	3. Chapter 2

I hate not being able to sleep straight through the night. I must have woken up a million times. I do not want to go to school today. Gradually, I get out of bed and change. I put on one of the outfits Alex and I got together. I look in the mirror. I'm happy I do not look pregnant, even though I'm just barely five months. Mom is calling for me, something about breakfast. I am really not hungry. I head up and she gives me a vitamin. The doctor said they will help me and the baby. I take it, along with a granola bar, just to make mom happy, and walk out the door. I eat leisurely as I stroll towards school. I get there and am greeted by Alex. I guess she really is my new friend. I can sense people looking at us, probably thinking we are going to fight or something. 

"How was it?" Alex asks me in a quiet sort of tone.

"Umm, it was… weird, tiring, they are sending me to a counselor." I reply.

"Did they take it well?"

"I guess. I didn't talk after I told them, I didn't say one word to the doctor, and I just… I don't know." I sigh.

"I told you it would work out. Seeing a counselor might not be too bad, though I'm not the type of person to ramble on about my problems to someone else." Alex laughs.

"Yeah, maybe,"

The bell rings, and Alex and I head up the steps of Degrassi. People are still talking and looking, pointing and awing. It's quite irritating. I shake them off. I cannot handle anymore issues right now. Alex and I part and I get to my locker. As I sift through junk to find something to write with for class Manny comes up to me.

"I saw you with Alex," Manny says in a funny tone. I simply nod, what's it to her anyway? "Why?" I shrug my shoulders. "Fine, whatever just don't let her push you around." Manny says as she turns around.

With that she is gone. Why am I comfortable talking to Alex when Manny and I have been friends forever? Well we have been on-and-off-again friends forever, but still. I walk into MI, Mr. Simpson, aka Snake, aka dad stares at me. I cannot look at him, not in the eye anyway. I nod in his direction, just to show him I'm okay, even though I'm not. I want to go home and lie in my bed and wish all of this away.

I must have spaced out. All of a sudden it is time for lunch. I do not want to go to the cafeteria. I walk to my locker to put my stuff away. Why can't the day just be over? As I close my locker I can feel someone behind me. I feel my body tense up. I slowly turn around.

"So what was up with you yesterday?" Jay asks. I can tell it's him by his voice. I keep my eyes on the floor and shrug, hoping he would go away; he never bothered with me before, unless it was to make fun of me, so why should this time be any different? "Did someone cut out your tongue? He asks me, smirking a little. I shake my head while still looking at the floor. I sway side to side a little, hoping this will end soon.

"Jay!" It is Alex... that is her voice. She is walking towards us. "What are you doing to her?" She seems like she is protecting me.

"Just asking her a question, which she won't answer," Jay replies innocently, knowing Alex will yell at him.

"Back up," She sort of demands. He takes a step back. "Don't get so close to her."

"Do you own her or something?" Jay asks and laughs a little.

"Jay, this is serious." Alex says.

"Yeah, okay, whatever," Jay starts, "Since when do you stand up for her and her not say anything at all?"

"Jay, please," Alex says in a begging-but-not-so-begging kind of tone.

"Alright," He walks away.

"You okay?" She asks me. I nod. What else more is there to do?

"You know, you are going to have to talk sooner or later." Alex says to me.

"I do talk, to you and to my mom." I reply, which is true. I do talk… sometimes.

"Well everyone is going to think something is up if you don't talk. I already got a talk from Manny. Don't even get me started on her, but you can't not talk forever."

"I know. I just don't like to be around people anymore."

"Well we are going to have to figure out a way through that." She kind of smiles, however, I'm not so sure about this. I don't know why I can't at least talk to other people. Talking doesn't hurt… right?

The lunch bell rings. Kids start to gather in the hallways. Alex smiles and walks off. I guess talking cant hurt me anymore. I hope not anyway.

* * *

I walk into class and take a seat in the back. I want tall kids to sit in front of me so I can put my head down. I put my head down anyway since the second bell has yet to ring. Someone taps my arm. I freak out. I instantly bring my head up and tighten up my body.

"Freak out much?" Jay asks.

"Sorry," My voice is just above a whisper.

"She can talk!" Jay apparently thinks he is funny.

"Showing up for a class, a new trait of yours?" I am trying to give his sarcastic tone back to him.

"For today I guess." He sort of shrugs it off. "So what's been up with you and Alex?"

"Nothing," I reply. "Why, am I taking up to much of her time, do you miss her?"

"Yes and no." He says coolly. "You and Alex, friends, a little weird."

"Yes it is." I am so proud of myself. I am actually talking.

"So why are you talking now?" He asks, a little more serious, but he has the same signature smirk on his face.

"What?" I am a little confused.

"I have given you a ride twice, without making fun of you I might add, and you didn't speak, and you still won't look at me."

"I'm trying to take Alex's advice, and it is complicated." I fold my arms over the desk and hold each arm. Was it smart to pick Jay as the first person to talk to? The bell rings. I stand up and walk out. Jay passes me, whispers "later" in my ear, and heads out the front doors. I finally talked to someone other then mom and Alex.

* * *

Class is so boring. I cannot concentrate. I just want to leave and go… I don't know where I want to go, but I want to go there. The last bell finally rings. School is officially over… for today anyway. I go to my locker, throw, almost literally, my books in, and close it. I see Alex as I head out the doors.

"So I talked to someone today." I tell her.

"Was it your mom?" She asks. She is just oh-so funny sometimes.

"Actually it was Jay." I say back, kind of sarcastic, kind of nonchalant. "I couldn't look at him, but I did talk to him."

"Good progress. Good first pick too, Jay isn't hard to talk to. You will have to pick someone a little smarter then him next time around." Alex laughs.

I guess it is good I talked to someone. I'm getting better. I am handling it.

"So," Alex contemplates, "I'm going to a party tonight.

"Have fun."

"You aren't ready to get out yet?"

"No, and it doesn't matter anyway because mom and Snake made me an appointment to see that shrink." I ramble. "I don't want to tell my problems to a shrink, I haven't even faced them all myself yet."

"Well then go there and have a staring contest."

"That will be a fun hour." I roll my eyes.

"Tell me about it tomorrow, later."

"Bye." We turn our separate ways.

* * *

I get home and smell something amazing. Mom hardly ever cooks; she isn't too good at it. I feel guilty. I don't want her to try to make me feel better. I go into the kitchen and see her at the stove. Jack is in his highchair smashing food around on the tray.

"Emmy!" He exclaims.

"Sweetie, you're home. How was school?" Mom asks, turning to face me for a brief moment.

"School was school. What are you making?"

"Cheese enchiladas, you want to help me cut the rest of the vegetables?"

"Sure," I pick up the knife that mom left on the cutting board and start slicing. "I don't want you to worry about me."

"I'm your mom; I will always worry about you."

"I know, but because of this, this situation I put us in, I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything for me."

"Don't talk like that." Mom looks at me. "You didn't put us in this situation; this is not your fault. Speaking of which, we made an appointment for you tonight."

"I assumed." I finish with the vegetables and help place them in the enchiladas.

"After dinner we will take you. I want this to work out in your favor so please just give it a shot."

"I will." I let out a fake smile, just for mom.

"Em, can you clean Jack up for me?" Mom asks.

"Yeah," I turn and pick Jack up, "Jack, you are a mess, did you get any of that food in you mouth?"

"Food," He giggles. I absolutely love Jack. He makes everything seem better. I hope I can take care of my kid like I do Jack. I want this to work out. I bring him upstairs and give him a bath. He plays with his bath toys and the bubbles. I love seeing this. Everything seems so precious. I look down at my stomach, where my kid is developing.

"Jack, when I have my baby, you are going to be an excellent uncle," I tell him, "Even though you are way too young to understand me." He continues to smile as he splashes his hands in the water. "Jack you are getting me all wet."

I rinse him off, pick him up, and dry him off. I put a cute little pajama outfit on him and bring him downstairs. I set him on the floor by his toys in the living room. Mom and Snake already had the table set, and my plate. I sat down at the table with them.

"This is good mom." I tell her. It actually is which is surprising.

"Thank you," Mom says, "So Em, you can handle going to the doctor today?" Mom asks the question in a semi-serious tone.

"Yes, I can handle seeing a shrink." I reply, kind of sarcastic-like.

"Don't say it like that Emma, we just want to help you through this." Snake tells me as he puts his fork down.

"I'm sorry," I tell them. I am sorry, not for the comment, but for everything, for life, for me, for what I did.

"You can handle going to school with all of this?" Snake asks after taking another forkful of cheesy enchilada goodness.

"It helps me focus on something else." I tell them, which is the truth. I need to keep focused on something other then this twenty-four/seven.

"Sweetie, if it gets to be too much you tell us, you can stay home whenever you want." Mom says.

"No, I shouldn't stay home whenever I want. You still have to treat me the same, you should make me go to school. I don't want you to treat me differently, I did this, and I have to handle it. Just treat me like you normally do." I try not to raise my voice.

"We can't Emma, you have a little baby growing inside of you, and some days you just won't feel up to going. What are you going to do when you start to show?" Mom asks me as she stands up to clear the table.

I stand and start to help her. She cooked; she shouldn't be cleaning it up. "I do not plan on showing. I've done research; if I do everything I'm supposed to do everything will be fine."

"Okay Em." Mom says, getting the hint and dropping the subject.

I pick up the last of the dishes and start washing them. I must have been there for about a half hour or so. I'm not paying attention; my mind is off in la-la land. Water splashed all over the front of me. It begins to drip down the front of the cabinet, making a puddle on the floor. I finish the last pan and grab some paper towels. I clean up the edge of the sink, the cabinet, and the floor.

"Hunny, we have to leave soon." Mom yells from the top of the steps.

"I just have to change." I yell back to her. I walk downstairs and pull my clothes off at the same time. I look for something comfortable. I pick out black lounge pants and pull a not-so-fitted tee on. I really don't want to talk to some shrink. I slowly walk back up the stairs. Mom already had Jack ready.

We get in the car. The ride is, once again, silent. Car rides just aren't as fun as they used to be. You can hear the slight murmur of the radio and Jack's rattle, but nothing else. Mom and Snake both seem tense. They shouldn't be though, its not like they have to talk about their problems to some person that they have never met. We finally pull up to her office.

* * *

Her office is… quaint. Mom and I walked into what I am assuming is the 'waiting room'. I am tremulous. A doctor walks out of the only other door in the room, besides the door we walked through. She is quite comely. She is a proletariat, no fancy outfit. She looks, well, reasonably normal.

"You must be Emma." Her voice is sanguine.

"Do you want me to wait here, sweetie?" Mom asks me.

"No, go do something, I'm fine." I tell her, reassuringly.

"Okay," She replies, almost as if she doesn't believe me.

Mom left, giving a small smile to the shrink. The door closed behind her, leaving just me and the shrink. She smiles at me and gestures me to follow her. I flit behind her.

I am Doctor Montemayor." She tells me as she takes a seat.

I nod and look around. She has laburnums and convolvuluses. She caught on to me staring at her plants.

"The laburnums are a weird choice to have, I know, with them being poisonous." She exclaims.

"They're pretty."

"I think so too." She shifted in her seat, pulling one leg under her. "So, how are you coping?"

"You don't look like a shrink."

"I will take that as a compliment. I'm not here to lay you on the couch and say 'and how does that make you feel'. This is a hard thing to go through; I am here to help you regain yourself." She is semi-serious, yet still welcoming.

"I don't know how I got myself into this."

"Well. What happened? How did it start?"

She seems sincere. She kind of reminds me of Alex, without the tough, 'I will kick you ass' exterior. I start at the beginning. It is surprisingly easy to talk to her. It takes me sometime. I am trying not to cry as I talk about the week at Martha's Vineyard.

"It is my fault." I say, and then stop speaking. I just look at the floor.

"No it isn't, no person should treat another like that. It is very easy to fall for people when they build such a convincing facade. You can get through this."

"I am a junior in high school and am four months pregnant."

"I admit, not the ideal situation. These are the cards you were dealt. We are going to get you through it. How have you been since you came home?"

"Distant… I can't touch people, or look anyone in the eye, besides Alex and my mom."

"Who is Alex?"

"Alex, wow, Alex is the last person anyone would suspect to help me. She figured out I was pregnant all on her own. We had this thing last year, we hated each other. Now she helps me, she took me out, we skipped school and went shopping. It was the most fun I had since summer."

"That's a good step. You have a friend who you can talk to about this. Have you talked to anyone else?"

"Besides mom and Alex, no. Well Alex told me I should try to talk to some people and I did. Jay had driven us to and from the mall, and he sat down next to me in class today. We have a small conversation. I couldn't look at him though."

"Talking is a great first step. You seem to be handling this okay. How are you at home?"

"Fine, I guess. I love playing with Jack, my two year old brother. Up until Alex found out about me he was the only one I would touch. I feel horrible for putting mom and Snake though this."

"Feeling that way is natural, but not your fault. Your mom wants to help you. Who is Snake?"

"He is my step dad. I feel awful that I cannot look at him or touch him. I don't want them to treat me differently."

"They don't mean to do it intentionally. It is what happens when their child goes through something terrible."

"I know, I just…"

"You just…?"

"I don't know." I say simply. I really don't know. I don't know what to do, or how to handle this. I know I can do it; I can always do something when I set my mind to it. My mind has to be set to do this. We stayed quiet for a while.

"Have you gone out at all lately?" Doctor Montemayor asks.

"Um, no not really, not since the day Alex found out."

"You should try to get out more, keep yourself busy. You have to stay healthy, and that includes your mind."

"I've been taken the vitamins, doing exercises. I don't want to jeopardize the baby's health."

"That's good, I'm glad to hear that you are taking the necessary steps. Do you know the sex of the baby yet?"

"No, I will find out next week."

"That must be exciting. Oh look, time is up. It was nice to meet you Emma. I will see you next week."

I give her a simple smile before getting up. I tell her there's no need for her to show me out. As I put my hand on the knob I turn to her.

"Thanks Dr. Montemayor, this was easier then I thought."

"Please, call me Dr. M, or Marisa."

I nod and walk out. I see mom and Snake sitting in the 'waiting' area. Jack is on the floor with some blocks.

"Emmy!" Jack exclaims.

He runs over to me, tripping once, and I pick him up. I shouldn't do that anymore, I always carry him. Mom and Snake turn to look at me; I guess they didn't hear me open the door.

"You ready to go?" I ask them, looking back and forth between them. Did I just do that? I looked at Snake. I am making progress, this is good. I put Jack down and hold out my hand. We walk down to the car. I hope I get a car soon.

"How was it Em? Mom asks.

"Not as bad as I thought it would be." I admit.

"That's good." Mom tells me.

"Who wants frozen yogurt?" Snake asks. That's kind of random.

We stop and get some, Jack makes a mess. I clean him up as best I can.

"Hun, I could get that." Mom says. She thinks I put too much pressure on myself to take care of Jack.

"No, its okay, I need the practice." I try to make it sound like a little joke, yet be true at the same time, because it is.

"Yummy!" Jack shouts. He is absolutely adorable.

* * *

I look down at my stomach. Can you believe I have a baby in there? I still can't quite believe it. I am supposed to go for an ultra sound sometime next week, but I am going to see if I can go earlier. I want to know if I am going to have a boy or a girl.

"Mom," I stop fiddling with Jack and look at her. "Can we see if I can get an appointment tomorrow?"

"For what, sweetie?"

"I want to know whether I am having a boy or a girl." My voice is serious, but not harsh.

"Hunny, you are jumping into all this, are you sure you can handle all of this so quickly?" She looks serious now too.

"Yes mom, I want to know. I need to get past this, I don't want to dwell in it and have my child think she or he was a mistake."

Mom agrees with me. I call the doctor as soon as I get in the door. She said if I could get there early she would fit me in.

"Mom, she said if we get there at seven she can squeeze me in." I yell to her from my room.

I can tell she is contemplating it. I don't want her to treat me like I'm special. She worked all week, and it's not fair to wake her up early on a Saturday morning.

"I am going to take the bus there." I yell up to her.

"No, I can take you." Mom says as she walks into my doorway.

"No, mom you worked all week, stay home and sleep in. It shouldn't take me long."

"Okay, if you need me call okay?"

"Yeah, of course."

I smile up at her; it is small, but not a fake one. She turns away, closing the door, but leaving it slightly ajar. I go to my alarm clock and set it for six. I have to be on the bus by six thirty. This is what sucks about having your permit. I actually forgot about driving in general. Hmm… I think I can go for my road test in a couple months. Great, another thing to worry about passing. I don't even have a car, so it doesn't really matter.


	4. Chapter 3

Sleep is overrated. That is my conclusion anyway. I sleep here and there, maybe twenty minutes or so, but now I am just tossing and turning. Tomorrow I find out if I am having a little girl or a little boy. I will be happy either way, but part of me is hoping for a little girl. The other part of me doesn't want a girl because it can turn out just like me, that is how the saying goes, like mother like daughter. I don't want my child to be like me, I want him or her to be better then me. I want my child to be more then me. 

Can I do this? Can I handle this pressure? I mean apparently I can't, because if I could I wouldn't have let the whole Mike situation get out of hand. I wouldn't be here, right now. I do not regret wanting to give birth. I just couldn't do any other option. I really hope I can handle this. This is the biggest obstacle I have ever been thrown.

I must have slept some more because right now my clock is flashing 5:32 A.M. I guess getting some sleep is better then none. I sit up, look around, and lay back down. I get up again, but this time I get out of bed. I pull on some comfortable jeans and a not-so-fitted t-shirt. I brush my teeth and hair, wash my face. I grab my cell as I had up the stairs. I leave mom and Snake a note on the kitchen table and head out.

* * *

I walk briskly to the bus stop; I do not want to miss the bus, or this appointment. I sit at the stop for what seems like forever, but in everyone else's reality it was only ten minutes or so. The bus ride is noisy, yet my mind is silent. I get off, walk the rest of the way to the doctor's, and open up those double doors.

Here it is, this is when I know what I will be having. I give the nurse sitting at the front desk my name and as for that doctor I had the first time. I didn't have to wait long.

"Miss Nelson, you are here before seven, I appreciate that, are you ready?" The doctor says in almost one breath.

We go down the long corridor and she opens up the last door in the hall. The doctor plays around with the ultra sound machine and I lay up on the bed table thing. Here we go again with the cold gel. I turn my head to look at the screen. That is _my_ baby. It's adorable. I have to be able to handle this, by myself, on my own, and not count on anyone else. This will be mine. I know it sounds as if I am treating my baby as my property, but so much has happened to me that I want to be a good mother, I want him/her to love me. I am going to do this by myself. I mean I am, of course, living with my parents right now, but I will not depend on them. Mom did great with me, and I plan on doing even better with my child. Like mother like daughter, huh?

"So Emma," The doctor starts, "would you like to know what you are having?'

I contemplate it for a moment, should I let it be a surprise? No, no I want to know.

"Yes, please"

"Congratulations, it is a… girl!"

"I'm having a little girl?"

"Yeah, I can't tell she is going to be gorgeous."

"Thank you."

The gel from my belly is wiped, and I step down off the table. I am having a little girl. I thanked the doctor once more before heading out. I cannot believe I am going to have a little girl. This is really happening. I am going to be a mother. How am I going to be able to pay for all this? I stop dead in my tracks with that thought. How did I not think about this before? I mean I have been working here and there, I baby-sat a lot and have money saved up from that, but not enough to raise a child. I have to calculate this: I will need diapers, bottles, formula, clothes, and toys. Gosh there are so many expenses. Brian blast! Life is a Miracle; it is an organization that helps people who are pregnant. I have to go there. I get up to the bus stop just as the bus pulls up. The ride seems faster then all the other rides I have been on lately. I step off and walk up; trying to make sure no one I know is around. I open the big door, it chimes, and I close it gently behind me.

* * *

"May I help you?" The receptionist asks.

"Yes, I am four, almost five months pregnant, and I need help."

"Take a seat; someone will be with you shortly."

It has been about fifteen minutes; maybe I shouldn't have come here. It does seem like a nice place though.

A middle-aged woman approaches me, maybe thirty or so. She holds out her hand.

"Hello, my name is Mandee."

I shake her hand, "Emma."

"Follow me please."

We walk into what I am guessing is her office. She sits behind the desk; I sit in a brown antique chair.

"Let us start from the beginning." She says.

"I am still not too comfortable about talking about this, but I was raped almost five months ago, and I am pregnant."

"I am so sorry, that is terrible. I am glad to see you have decided to keep it."

"Me too, I am having a little girl."

"Oh, she will be just darling. Are you seeing a councilor?"

"Yes."

"We have tons of programs that can help you. We do charity here, you may get whatever you may need, clothing, toys, etc. to help you get on your feet."

"Thank you so much."

"Is anyone around to help you?"

"My parents know, but they both work and have a toddler of their own, so I am pretty much on my own."

"We have programs that will assist you with housing. Here are some pamphlets. Look them over; see which ones you will need, and please come back anytime you need to. No need to make an appointment."

"Thank you, so, so much."

I give her a smile and walk out. I fold the pamphlets up and stick them in my hoodie pocket.

* * *

I need to find a job. I take the bus to the mall. It is still early so I am not so worried about seeing people I may know. I walk in and out of clothing stores, looking at all the little girls clothing. It is just so adorable. I want my baby to be able to have everything. As I head into the next store I see a help wanted sign. I walk up to the customer service desk.

"You are hiring?" I ask the lady sitting behind it.

"We are, but it is for manager, I don't think you have enough experience."

"Please, just please let me talk to anyone, I need this job."

The lady looks at me sympathetically. She picks up the phone and dials a number. I hear her talking about me. She points down the hall.

"It is the first door on the right."

"Thank you so much."

I knock lightly on the door.

"Come in."

"Thank you so much for seeing me."

"No problem, but I am not promising anything."

"I understand," I gather myself together, "I know I am young, but I really need a job, I love clothes, and I am a fast learner. I am almost five months pregnant, so being able to get a job means a lot to me. In the last few days I have just told my parents about me being raped, I'm talking to a councilor, and going to the doctor to make sure my baby is healthy. I know I can handle this."

"Wow," She took a short breath, "I feel for you, I will give you a chance, if you start right now."

"Of course, may I ask how much it is an hour?"

"I will give you eight dollars an hour, which is what a normal person here, gets paid, and if you show me you can do this I will give you the manager's salary, which is fifteen an hour."

"I will not let you down."

"After today, you must wear black pants, and a nicer top, and never forget your I.D. So let's get your I.D. now, and I will show you where you can start."

"Will my hours be flexible?"

"How flexible?"

"Well I have school from about eight till three and I can be here by 3:30."

"Okay, so three days a week you will work from 3:30 until nine, on weekends you will work from eight until five."

"I will work any overtime if you need me."

She smiles at me. She is so nice. I get my picture taken. I look like crap today, but I am not going to complain because I need this job. I fill out some forms and whatnot. It seems to be going by pretty quickly.

"First, I would like you to straighten up the juniors section, then, if you have time move on to the misses. Just make sure everything is folded and orderly and looks good."

"I can totally do that."

My boss walks away. I head over to the farthest corner. I am going to work outwards, that way I make sure I get everything. I guess it finally comes in handy that I have a slight case of OCD. I didn't think I could be so peaceful just refolding clothes and fixing racks. I push all other thoughts out of my head. I try to keep my mind blank sometimes, just to relax, and working is actually helping. I finish fixing the last rack and take a look around the junior's department, just to make sure I didn't miss anything.

"Just perfect." I say out loud, for no one other than myself. I turn and head to the misses section. It looks a little more disorganized then the juniors section, which kind of surprises me. I mean, I would have thought that teens are messier then adults, but hey, apparently they are.

I don't here my boss come up behind me. I am just so preoccupied with working, weird huh?

"Great job Emma." She tells me, "Both the juniors and misses sections are impeccable."

"It actually put me at ease."

"That's good, and shows that you are a good asset. You can stop working now if you want."

"Really, what time is it." I pull out my cell phone, "Wow, it has been five hours. It didn't feel like that long."

"Well this is a big store, and you went out of your way with fixing everything. You even fixed the clothes on the top racks."

"I admit that that was a little tricky, took some extra time. Oh everything is in size order."

"I can tell that you want this position. Keep it up and you will get it."

"Oh, thank you so, so, so, so much."

"Go get something to eat, or go see friends, you definitely earned it."

"Bye."

"See you tomorrow."

"Of course" I say as I turn back to face her. I look down at my cell phone. Shoot! I never called my parents. Uh-oh! I dial the house number and listen to the endless rings. I get the voicemail.

"Hey mom, sorry I forgot to check in, I am having a baby girl! I also found a job; she wanted me to start right away. I will be home in a couple hours."

* * *

I take my idea off and put it in my pocket, along with my cell phone. I am kind of hungry. I don't know what I want though. I look around at the places in the food court. I decide to get a deli sandwich. I pay and get a table in the corner. I eat slowly, alternately with my sandwich and some chips.

"Emma!"

I turn to see who had yelled my name. It is Alex. She is with Jay, Towerz, and Amy.

"What's up?" She asks.

"Not much."

"Why are you talking to her?" Amy asks Alex.

"Because I can." Alex snipes.

"Whatever."

"How was last night?" Alex turns her focus back to me.

"Not as bad as I thought it would be."

"What, did you try saving a bunny or something?" Amy asks.

"Amy, shut up." Alex says back.

"I can talk to you about it later Alex." I tell her. I do not want to get in the middle of this, especially because I cannot get into a fight.

"I don't even know why you talk to her, don't you hate her?" Amy asks Alex.

"Amy, I don't even know why I talk to you."

"Whoa, Alex calm down." Jay says.

"I'm out, later losers." Amy says and turns away in a huff.

"Alex, I do not want to get in between you and your friends." I say looking up at her.

"If she can't handle me talking to you then that's her problem. Jay and Towerz seem to be okay about it." Alex says as she gives them a 'you better not have a problem with it' look.

"Yeah, fine." Jay says.

"See, everything is just fine. So tell me about last night."

"It was just talk, basically what I had told you and my parents. Oh I found out…" I say, hoping Alex catches on. I look down at my stomach real quick, making it seem like I am looking at the floor.

"You what? Oh, you… I wanna know." Alex seems kind of excited.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Towerz asks really confused.

I point at me, then at her and slightly smile.

"Really? That's cool… I can't say what I want to right now." Alex says, glancing towards the boys.

"I get it." I tell her.

"Well we don't, fill us in." Jays says.

"Alex, go back to hanging out with them, I don't want to monopolize your time." I say to Alex.

"No, come with us. Remember, you need to get used to this."

"I know, but, no, I cant, I couldn't…"

"You are."

Alex begins to drag me with them. "Alex, Alex, Alex. I can't.

"Lexi," She states, "and you can. I know what you're thinking, but we did that yesterday. Tonight we are taking it easy, just hanging out, eating and a movie. We ate and you ate, so you can join us for the movie."

"It was to be a horror flick since you two have done nothing but talk chick." Jay states.

"Yeah, fine." Lexi agrees.

"No. No, Lexi I cannot do a horror movie."

"What you think is gonna happen to you?" Towerz asks.

"You will be fine. You can sit between me and Jay."

"Aww, is Emma scared?" Jay mocks.

"Yes, I hate watching horror movies by myself."

"You aren't by yourself." Lexi says.

"You know I mean Lexi, you know…" I am hoping she catches on.

"Oh, Em, you will be fine, nothing will happen to you."

I stop arguing with her. I have to get past the past somehow right? Right. Good. Not good. I think we are seeing Disturbia, don't quote me on that though. I am sitting in between Alex and Jay. I feel tense, I know I am tense.

"Relax, it is just a movie." Lexi whispers.

"Right, just a movie." I repeat.

* * *

The theater gets dark; all signs of light are gone. I am gripping the bottom of my seat so tight that my knuckles are white. All of this makes me think of Mike. I do not want to start crying, not here, not with Lexi and Jay and Towerz.

"Em, are you okay?" Lexi asks.

"Yeah, fine." I lie; I guess my body is shaking. I don't know if it is because it is cold in here and I have a light hoodie on, or if all my thoughts are getting to me.

"You sure?" She asks again and rubs my back.

"Yeah, I'm just over thinking."

Jay looked over at the two of us. "What's with you?" He asks when Lexi and I stop talking.

"Nothing."

I think he decided not to push the subject. He just continues to look at the screen. A freaky part happens in the movie and I jump slightly. My hands fly up to the arm rests. I accidentally bump into Jay's arm.

"Sorry." I whisper to him.

I try to regain my composure. I bring my hands back down to my lap, only to get scared again.

"Jesus."

"You okay?" Jay asks.

"Frightened, but okay."

Jay put his arm around me to rub my arm. I freak out. The first think that popped into my head was being at that house in Martha's Vineyard. I start hyperventilating. Lexi looks at me, trying to calm me down. People in the theater begin to get annoyed; apparently they don't care that I cannot breathe. Lexi helps me out of the theater. My hand is on my chest, trying to slow down my breathing.

"I'm… so… sorry." I say in between breaths.

"No, its fine, just breath."

Jay and Towerz come out of the doors and just stare.

"I don't know what I did but I'm sorry." Jay says.

"It's not because of you Jay." Lexi tells him.

"It must be, I touched her arm to calm her down and she flipped out."

"Jay, it's not that okay." Lexi sounds a little mad.

I finally catch my breath. I am trying so hard not to start crying.

"I'm sorry." I muster out.

"Em, no, its fine. We will get through it in smaller steps." Lexi tells me.

"How come you can touch her and she doesn't flip?" Towerz asks.

"We should all get going." Lexi states. "Em, we'll give you a ride home."

"Thanks." I say slightly above a whisper.

We walk to the car and get in. Jay is extremely quiet. Alex and I whisper to each other in the back of the car on the way to my house.

"Lexi, I am so sorry. I just… it just all came tumbling back and I freaked."

"Em, we just have to take smaller steps. You are talking to people and going out; we just have to work on the touching. It's really no big deal."

"Well is Jay okay, I know I totally freaked him out."

"He's a big boy, he's fine. He's a little nosey, okay a lot nosey, but whatever. He's not a totally bad guy."

Jay stops in front of my house. I put my hand on the handle. "Thanks, Jay I'm sorry." I get out; close the door and stair at the steps to my house. Part of me doesn't really want to go home. I don't see Snake's car, but I am going to go in through the window anyway. I guess I want to because soon I am not going to be able to fit through it. I turn to walk towards my basement window and realize that Jay's car is still there, I guess they are waiting for me to go inside. I crawl in through the window. I quietly go upstairs, just to make sure no one is home. Mom apparently got the message I left her before. I will just leave a note and go for a walk or something…

* * *

Jay, Alex, and Towerz:

They get out of the car and head into the ravine. Jay looks at Lexi. "Are you going to explain any of this to me?"

"Jay, you know I can't." Alex says to him, and then sees Towerz walking towards some girl. "Towerz, you tell anyone about today and you're dead!"

"Wasn't planning on telling anyone, chill Lexi."

"Why can't you tell me?" Jay asks Lexi as Towerz flirts with a couple girls.

"She doesn't want anyone to know."

"Why are you doing this for her?"

"Jay, people change, people grow up, and things happen. Well things happened, and that is all I can say."

"Fine, whatever, I need a drink." Jay walks away, frustrated and Alex sits on a picnic table, just as frustrated.

* * *

Meanwhile… with Emma:

I have been walking around aimlessly for about fifteen minutes now. I feel like I need to keep busy, even after a doctor's appointment, working, and exercising, plus the whole movie fiasco. I feel horrible about it. I know its Jay, but he just looked so hurt after I spazzed out on him. I really hope I can get past that one day. I am hungry. I want an ice cream float. I don't think any store around here sells that. I will just go to the Dot anyway. I walk in, sit in a booth, and look over the desert menu.

Spinner walks over to me, "What can I get for you Emma?"

"Um…" I look at the menu real fast, "I want a coke, a bowl of vanilla ice cream, and a little piece of chocolate fudge cake please."

"Alright, it will be out soon."

Spin walks away and puts the piece of paper he took my order on, on the counter. I must have been day dreaming or something because next thing I know Manny is talking to me.

"Hey Emma." Manny says.

"Hi."

"What you up to?"

"Just getting some desert,"

"Cool. It's been a while."

"Yeah, awhile,"

"You mind if I sit?"

"Nah, go ahead."

"Here's your order." Spin places it on the table. "You want anything Manny?"

"Yeah, I'll have a piece of that cake that Emma has."

"Coming right up,"

"So you and Alex seem pretty close." Manny says, eyeing me up.

"We kinda are."

"How'd that happen?" Manny gets that curious gleam in her eye.

"It just sort of did."

"So she isn't just some loser from Jay's stupid gang."

"No she isn't, and I do not care if you like her or not but please don't talk about her to me." I say, not even looking up from my soda, which I was scooping ice cream into.

"Okay, okay, I won't. What are you doing?"

"I have a craving for an ice cream float, so I am making one."

"Oo let me taste."

I give her the cup. I shouldn't be mean to her just because she doesn't like Alex. I mean we have been friends forever.

"Not too bad." Manny says, sliding the cup back to me.

"Here is your cake Manny." Spin places the plate in front of her. "Anything else?"

"No, thanks Spin."

He nods and walks off. We eat are cake and take turns with my ice cream float.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Manny asks after swallowing her piece of cake.

"Working,"

"Where do you work?"

"In the mall, you know that huge department store; I am hoping to become the manager."

"Wow. Why'd you start working?"

"It keeps me busy."

"Cool, so how long you have to work for?"

"From eight until five,"

"Oh, so how about we catch up with each other afterwards, we haven't seen each other in forever."

"Um, yeah, you can sleep over if you want or something."

"Yes, we can watch some romantic movies, make ourselves cry, and stuff our faces."

"Wow Manny, you haven't changed at all."

"Well, I will be at your house at seven, sharp. See you later."

Manny gets up and walks out, apparently she forgot about her piece of cake. I do not mind paying for it, but I shouldn't have come out here anyway. I am supposed to be saving money, not spending it. Okay, well after today I will not spend anything else. I mean I shouldn't be in dire need of anything else, if I am then that is a different story. I really hope I can get through this. I want to be a good mother, I would love to be a great, fantastic, wonderful mother, but I am not about to put myself on a pedestal. I wonder if I will be able to give her all that she needs. I mean I hope, that at least, I will be able to clothe and feed her, but I want her to be able to do whatever she wants. Maybe she will want to take dance classes, or gymnastics or something. What should I name her? I think I should keep the tradition and have Christine in her name, most likely her middle name, like mine. I mean it fits perfectly, mom's name is Christine, my middle name is Christine, and so my baby's name should be Christine. The acorn really doesn't fall far from the tree. I am going to be a single mom in high school. Wow.

"Emma, it is closing time. Hello… Emma?" Spinner is trying to get my attention.

I guess I totally lost track of time, how long have I been staring at my plate. Well at least I wasn't talking to myself. "Sorry Spinner."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I just had a long day."

"If you say so. Do you want me to give you a ride?"

"Do you mind?"

"Nah, I can go home that way. Just let me put these in the back and lock up.

"Okay."

Do people know? Why is he being nice? I mean Spinner isn't a bad guy, he is a really good friend, but we have never been really good friends. I don't think he could keep his mouth shut if he knew though.

"You ready?" Spin asks, coming out from the back room.

The car ride is kinda silent, with a few snips of conversation, but really, how much can you talk about in like a seven minute car ride. We pull up in front of my house.

"Thanks Spinner."

"No problem."

He drives off just as I open the front door. Hmm, that was kinda awkward. I mean the whole Manny thing. I totally wasn't expecting to see her. I wonder if she will be able to put two and two together. Part of me hopes not. I really don't want anyone to know about this, other then the people that already do obviously. I should probably go to bed. I do have work tomorrow. I am so happy that I was able to get that job. Money is going to be really important. I have to make this work. I need to. This is the biggest obstacle I have ever had to face. Mom and Snake must already be in bed. As I walk down to my room I realize that this officially makes me an adult. I exercise for a while. I want to do everything I can to keep my baby healthy. I don't know what I would do if something would happen to her. She is now my world, my entire life, the only thing I have left to live for. I am a mother.

* * *

I lie down and press play on my remote. I let the music fill the room with a light murmur. I close my eyes as just let it consume me. It is really relaxing. I keep trying to clear my mind. There are so many thoughts swirling around in my head. I just have to take this one day at a time. Is there really any other way to handle this? I roll onto my side and pull the blanket up. On my nightstand is a picture of me as a baby with mom. I want my baby to love me as much as I love my mom. I close my eyes thinking about it. I fall asleep listening to Pointless Forever

_And you can't deny  
that I'll be the one mistake  
you'll carry forever  
and you can't pretend now  
that you thought I'd forget  
to notice you were gone  
but the truth is...  
its pointless  
I'll make my own world somehow  
where I control who stays  
you won't leave because you  
won't know how to run away  
I'll make you care that I am  
running here without you  
I'll make you care  
I'LL MAKE YOU CARE...  
and you can't escape that  
I'm in your dreams  
like you swim in mine  
and you'll live your whole life dreaming  
your dreams will  
be free of me  
but the truth is...  
its pointless..._

_I'll make my own world somehow  
where I control who stays  
you won't leave because you  
won't know how to run away  
I'll make you care that I am  
running here without you_


	5. Chapter 4

I wake up at five thirty and take a quick shower. I pull on plain black pants and a three-quarters green and white striped shirt. As I go to walk upstairs I realize that I need my name tag. I must never forget that. I pull the lanyard over my head and walk up to the kitchen. 

"What are you doing up so early sweetie?" Mom asks as she feeds Jack.

"I have work." I take an apple from the fridge and bite into it.

"Are you sure you should be working?"

"Mom, I am going to have a baby, babies cost money, and we are not rich."

"I know that Em, I did have two kids."

"I am just pulling my own weight."

"You don't need to do that."

"Yes, I do. I have to get going."

"Do you want me to give you a ride?"

"Nah, it's your day off. I'm going to take the bus."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes mom. Later, love you."

I walk out the front door, rather quickly, just incase mom decides to talk some more. I know she cares about me, but I really do need this job. Plus I haven't been feeling sick or anything. I actually hate taking the bus. All the people and the smells just totally grosses me out. Having a job means one day I will actually be able to afford a car. I don't need anything special, just something that runs and can get me from point A to point B.

* * *

"Emma, you're early. That is a wonderful quality." My boss says as I walk into the back room of the department store. "So, today I would like you to dress the mannequins."

"Is there anything in particular that you want them in?"

"Nope, the choice is yours. I want to see your style. You can start with the girls."

She smiles as she stands up and walks into her office. I punch in and head back to where the mannequins are kept. There are so many things to choose from. I start with the girls section. I pull a Doe Hello Kitty Super Cute Star Tee over the mannequin's head, and put on a Hot Kiss Grey Stitch jean skirt. For the second mannequin, I put on White Tie Pocket Knee Shorts and a Mighty Fine Snoopy Rocks Tee. I step back and take a look at the two mannequins. They look so cute. Little girls would love to buy these two outfits.

I move on to the junior mannequins. The first outfit consists of a Disney Couture Ivory Peter Pan Tee with Black Boot Cut Denim Jeans. The second outfit is: Saints and Sailors Black and White Gingham Capri with a Hearts and Zebra Print Tank Top. There are three mannequins in the juniors section so I am going to make the last one a little dressier. The outfit is a Cloud and Star Hoodie with a multicolored striped tank top underneath with an Embroidered Brocade skirt.

I work on setting up the other mannequins, the misses and the plus section. I love clothes; I guess it's good that I am good at math. Eight hours flew by. I don't know what to do, now that I'm done with work.

* * *

Hmm… I am probably going to get tired of the mall since I am working here now. I am just kinda walking around aimlessly. Alex is in the record store.

"Hi Lexi," I say as I walk up to her. "Whatcha up to?"

"Stealing this cd." She whispers to me. She slips it in her big cargo pocket, after taking the seal off, and proceeds out of the store. I wait a couple seconds and then I follow her.

"I can't believe you did that!" I walk next to her. "Actually I can believe that you did that."

"Hey, you have stolen before too, remember."

"Yes, I do remember."

"Being bad feels pretty good, doesn't it?" She gives me a little smirk. We walk a little more, just gabbing about nothing in particular. As we get outside I see Jay. "You wanna come with me?"

"Where are you going?"

"We are just going to chill, probably at the ravine. I won't drink, ya know, since you can't."

"Does Jay mind?"

"Nah, I think you are growing on him." Alex starts walking towards the car. She says hi to Jay and Towerz.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"Are you going to flip out today?" Jay asks me. I quiet down for a minute.

"I said I was sorry."

"Jay, leave her alone." Alex says as she gets in the back. I slide in after her.

"Hey Emma." Towerz says.

"Hi."

"So you are coming to the ravine with us, or am I dropping you off at home?" Jay says sarcastically.

"Ravine"

"Really, well I must say I am kinda surprised." Jay says in a sort of snobby tone. He thinks he is so cool.

"Do you have to be a jerk all the time?" Alex asks Jay as she folds her arms across her chest.

"You are asking me why I am a jerk. This is coming from you, who hated her as much as the rest of us."

"Can you stop the car?" I ask simply. I do not want to be in here, not with them fighting. Whenever I am around people fight and I cannot stand it.

"No." Alex says looking at me, and then turns her attention back to Jay. "People change Jay, you have, you aren't as much of an ass as you used to be."

"Oh, I guess that is a compliment?" Jay doesn't seem to care.

"Why do you two fight all the time? How did you ever date?" I ask looking at Alex. They throw comments and snide remarks back and forth all the time.

"I really don't know." Alex says shrugging.

We finally get to the ravine. We get out of the car and head into a crowd of people. Great, just the person I need to see.

"So you are like hanging with her all the time now?" Amy asks, obviously a little intoxicated. She has a half empty cup in her hand and looks like trash.

"Do you look at yourself before you leave the house, or in between guys?" I ask her. Jay and Towerz let out a slight laugh. Amy steps a little closer to me and Alex stops her.

"Amy, no one cares." Alex says plainly.

"Whatever, go with cause girl." Amy walks away disgusted, but really why is she disgusted with me when she looks like that? Whatever.

"That was pretty good Emma." Jay states nonchalantly.

"Oh my gosh, he knows my name!" I say in a fake squeal. My hand goes to my mouth. I look at Alex and we start laughing.

"Knock it off. It is ridiculous how much of a girl you can actually be Alex." Jay says shaking his head. "I need a drink." With that said Jay leaves.

"Towerz, do you think I'm acting like a girl?" Alex asks him.

"Yes, sorta, don't hit me though."

Alex and I start laughing again. Towerz lets out a small smile and walks away. He meets up with Jay at the table of drinks.

"You can drink if you want." I tell Lexi. I mean I'm pregnant, not her.

"Nah, I'm good. So I see you are handling things better."

"Yes, I am. This weekend has been pretty great. Manny and I had a snack thing at the Dot the other day. She just came in and we talked. She doesn't know though."

"Well then I still feel special."

Lexi and I talk for a while. We watch some of the hideous people dance and act like fools. No wonder Alex likes coming here, it is quite hilarious.

* * *

"Well, its getting late. I'll see you tomorrow." I say getting off of the picnic table. I went to turn away when Lexi grabs my arm.

"You are not walking."

"I'm not going to make you guys leave. It is only eleven, and I know for you guys that that is not late."

"Em, it's late, dark and you are pregnant so you are not walking home." Alex motions for me to stay put and I won't dare protest. I see her walk towards Jay. Great, he is going to be even more irritated at me. After several minutes Alex comes back.

"Will you be able to ride alone with him?" She asks me, looking at me and then at Jay, who is putting down his cup.

"Um… yeah I guess."

"Good, so I will see you tomorrow."

Alex goes off towards Towerz and some other people I don't know while Jay approaches me.

"Let's go." He says, not even bothering to stop.

"Sorry, Lexi won't let me walk."

"Yeah, she is kind of bossy." He says opening the driver door and getting in. I sit up front. We are silent for a little while. This is weird. I guess it's good I don't live that far from the ravine. Jay pulls up to my house.

"So what's with you two?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, leaning my head to the side.

"All of a sudden you are like best friends."

"She just gets what I am going through."

"I wouldn't think of Tree Hugger having any huge problems going on in her life."

"Well I do, and Lexi is helping me handle it. She really is a great person."

"That she is."

"Thanks for always driving me around. I guess I will see you tomorrow."

"Yeah… for a little while anyway."

"You know, you skip all the time, but if you actually went to school, even a little more then you do now, you could get out of this hell hole." I give him a slight smile, just to show that I'm really not trying to be mean or rude or whatever. I get out and walk into my house, which is a big mistake.

"Where have you been?" Snake yells.

"Work, then I saw Alex and we hung out."

"You should have checked in or something."

"You could've called me; I do have a cell phone." I guess that came out a little sarcastic-like because Snake looks kinda mad. "I'm tired, I'm going to bed." I don't even wait for a response. I don't want to come home and get yelled at after working. Do I yell at them when they get home from work? I change into pajamas and come out to see mom on the stairs.

"Honey, we were just worried."

"Well then you should have called me. I didn't mean to not check in on purpose."

"I know, it's just with everything going on…"

I cut her off; this is the reason why I didn't want to tell them. "You don't need to be any more worried about me than you were before. I am handling this. Have you seen how much I got done in just these last four days?"

"Emma, we know you are a fighter, you never give up, but you are pregnant, you have to take it easy."

"Okay, okay. I'm tired and I still have to exercise…"

"Alright I'm going, get some sleep." Mom gives me a kiss on the top of my head and goes upstairs.


	6. Chapter 5

**The next morning**  
I'm tired and I do not feel good, not at all. This is the first morning in a month or so that I have had morning sickness. I really do not miss it. Part of me feels like I should stay home, but once I get bigger I am going to need to stay home. I fit myself into some stretchy jeans and a not-so-fitted tee and trudge upstairs. I take a vitamin and half a grapefruit.

"Are you sure you want to go to school?" Mom asks. Gosh! Why does she have to ask so much? I mean I know she is worried, but she will be working anyway. I just shake my head and finish off my grapefruit. I am actually not a big fan of grapefruit, but it is good for you, which in turn will be good for my little girl. Snake comes down from upstairs. He gives mom and Jack a kiss.

"You ready Em?" He asks, sipping some coffee. I guess he is running late today because he is rushing.

"Um, yeah…"

"I got your plate." Mom says as she gives Jack the last spoonful of something mushy, probably oatmeal.

I follow Snake out to the car. Here I am again, in a silent car ride. I mean it doesn't take long to get to school, but the silence just seems endless. I think it pretty much is. We pull into a parking space. Snake turns off the car and grabs his things.

"Take it easy today." He says as he gets out and hurries into the school.

You know, I think it's good that I have MI first period. I hardly see Snake after that. He watches me like a hawk, and yes, I do understand how worried he is about me. MI seems to be dragging on lately. Well, most of my classes seem like that. I sit through English, then math, and study hall. I walk to my locker, pretty much throwing my stuff into it.

* * *

I am about to go to lunch when I get this pain in my lower stomach. Instantly I start to panic about my baby. My breathing becomes heavy as I think about what is happening to me. A minute or so passes and then the pain comes back. My hand flies to my stomach as the other holds the lockers. I slightly bend over. The pain is gone. As I begin to walk again the pain comes back. What is happening?

"Are you okay?" That sounds like Jay. I simply shake my head 'no'. The pain seems to subside, and then it comes back. I don't want anything to happen to my baby. "What's wrong?" He asks. I shut my eyes tight. All these horrible thoughts are consuming my brain. I can feel my eyes burning with tears. As I open them the pain comes back. I hold my stomach a little tighter. "Okay, you are freaking me out a little." He says. He sounds confused.

I finally manage to turn to him. "Can… you please… find… Alex." I manage to say. The pain comes back and a few tears escape from my eyes.

"Yeah, sure." He looks at me and then walks towards the cafeteria. A few minutes later I see him come out with Alex. Once she sees me she picks up her pace. I slide down the lockers, hitting the floor. Another tear rolls down my cheek.

"Lexi…" I say, still holding my stomach, praying like there is no tomorrow that there is nothing wrong with my little girl.

"What's happening Em?" She asks, putting my hair behind my ears.

"My stomach," I start, I am practically hyperventilating. What if something's wrong? What if I did something? A couple more tears fall as the pain in my lower stomach comes back. I cringe a little.

"Okay, okay. Jay, help me get her in your car."

"Why?" I ask. She starts to help me off the ground.

"You have to go to the hospital." She says. I try to walk but I can't. "Jay, carry her to your car and get her to the hospital. I'm going to get Mr. S."

"Lexi, no," I say, but she cuts me off.

"Emma, you have to go and your parents have to know. Jay, get her there now."

Lexi walks towards the MI room. Jay picks me up, rather swiftly and puts me in the back seat of his car. My head is still swarming with the worst possible thoughts. I am having trouble breathing.

* * *

Jay gets to the hospital in almost ten minutes flat. I am surprised he didn't get pulled over. He picks me up again and brings me in to the front desk.

A nurse looks up from what looks like paperwork, "How may I help you?"

"Um, there is something wrong with her, Emma Nelson, I have no idea what."

"I need Dr. Freeman." I say slowly, taking deep breaths. The nurse nods and looks like she is calling her. She tells us to take a seat. Jay sits me down in a chair in an empty row and sits next to me. I still can't seem to breathe regularly. What if something is wrong? What if I can't have her?

Jay looks at me. One of my hands is still holding my lower stomach; the other is at my chest. I am pulling at the color of my t-shirt. I feel like I am claustrophobic. Jay takes my shirt and rips the collar a little, making it not so tight around my neck. He gets up and moves to the front of me, kneeling down so he is level with me.

"Okay, take a deep breath. I have no idea what the hell is going on, but just calm down." He tells me, taking both hands and placing them in my lap. He pulls my face up to his. "Slow breaths. Just calm down. I am sure that whatever the hell is happening will turn out to be okay." He tucks my hair behind my ear. Who knew he could be so gentle. I try to give him a slight smile, but I am still so worried about what is happening. I see my doctor come out. She approaches me, and I hope she doesn't say too much in front of Jay.

"Emma, what's wrong?" She asks, seeming very concerned.

"I can't tell you here."

"Okay, come on."

I follow her and once we are away from everyone I explain what had happened at school. I finally get my breathing under control. My cheeks are still stained with tears. She runs some tests and checks me out. I lie in the hospital bed, waiting for her to come back with results.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in the waiting room:**  
Snake, Spike and Alex have arrived at the hospital. The first thing Spike does is ask for Doctor Freeman. Alex walks over to Jay.

"Does this mean I get an explanation now?" He asks her.

"I don't even know what is happening right now, so no." She says. "Is she okay, how was she when she got here?"

"I calmed her down and then she went back with the doctor."

"Jay, you have no idea what a good friend you are being."

"You're right, I don't have any idea." He says, thinking that that is true.

Dr. Freeman comes out and talks with Spike and Snake.

Spike turns towards Alex, "We can see Em now Alex."

"Okay, um you go first; tell her I'll be there in a few minutes." Alex tells her. She wants Spike and Snake to see Emma first so she can bring Jay into Emma's room with her.

**Back to Emma's POV**  
I hear a slight knock on the door and see my parents walk in, with the doctor behind them.

"Am I okay? Is the baby okay?" I ask, frantic again.

Dr. Freeman flips a page in her clipboard. "Everything is fine. Your body was experiencing contractions. They usually occur around the time of being five months to prepare you for the real day."

"So my baby is healthy?" I ask her, looking at her in the eyes. I don't want anything to happen to her.

"Yes, she is healthy, and you are healthy. I can get you ready to go home in a few minutes."

The doctor smiles and walks back out through the doors. Emma picks up her clothes and changes out of the hospital gown.

"Emma, Alex and Jay are still here." Mom states. "Are you sure you want to see them?"

"Jay is the one who found me and brought me here, well Lexi was there when I told Jay to find her, but yes they can come in."

With that said there is a light tap on the door.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Lexi asks, walking all the way into the room, with Jay behind her.

"She is going to be fine, everything's healthy." Snake tells her. Mom tugs on Snake's arm and they leave the room.

"So, do I get to know anything?" Jay asks.

"Well I never thought I would see the day, or even say that you are absolutely amazing." I tell him. "Thank you." I give him a small smile.

"No problem." Well that was simple; I would have thought he would be more… I don't know, like arrogant.

"So, what happened?" Lexi asks, taking a seat next to me on the bed.

"Nothing bad, just major stomach pains."

"That's good."

"Right, so you are fine, can I leave, I hate hospitals." Jay rambles.

"Oh, you didn't even have to stay, but thank you, for the ride, and for calming me down." I tell him. "Are you going to go with him Lexi?"

"Well I guess. My guess is, after this happening that your parents aren't going to let you do anything today."

"They have to, I have work tonight. Actually I have to be there in a couple hours."

"You are still going to work?"

"I have to, I need the money, plus the doctor said everything is fine and that I can go home."

"I'll see if I can stop at the mall then, if I can't, I will have Jay do it."

"What am I, her mother? I have to check up on her now or something?" Jay asks, but not really in a mean way.

"Jay, its Monday night, not much is going on, so if you happen to not be doing anything, you can give Emma a ride home." Lexi tells him.

"Why am I getting thrown into this?"

"Jay, look, you really don't have to, no matter what Lexi says. You have done enough to where I think you actually can be a descent human being." I tell him. "So I guess I will see you guys around." I smile at Lexi before heading out. With much protest I got mom and Snake to let me go to work.

* * *

"Hello Emma." My boss says. "You're early, once again, a great quality."

"Yeah, I actually didn't think I was going to be able to get here on time."

"Why?"

"I was in the hospital."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it was just a little scare."

"You know that you can take days off when you need to right?"

"Yeah, I just need the money, and it really isn't a big deal, me and the baby are both healthy."

"That's good. You just let me know what is going on with you. So, today I want you to…"

She gives me a list of things to accomplish in my five hour work day. I am getting to see more of the business side to it and not just fixing the store. I really do love clothes. I end up working for an extra hour. I am not complaining because I totally need the money. My boss thinks that I will be able to get that raise soon, that and it's almost holiday time which means bonuses, even though I just started. I finish what I am doing and punch out. I make sure to say bye to Mandee before walking through the mall. I am kinda hesitant about going home. I just don't want to. I look down at my stomach.

"You want a ride?" Asks a way too familiar voice. It's Jay, in his hat with his shades on top. He is leaning against a wall.

"Um, yeah… why are you here?"

"Honestly, I don't know. You've been though a lot and you really aren't that same old Tree Hugger. Just don't let it go to your head okay Green." He smirks.

"I prefer Emma."

"Well_Emma_," He says, emphasizes my name, "let's just get you home then."

We get to his car, not really talking and arrive at my house twenty minutes later. I thank him and give him a warm smile. I never thought Jay and I would be civil with each other. I get out, walk up the steps slowly, and open the front door. I turn around and Jay is still sitting there in his car. As I get in and close the door I hear Jay's car drive away.


	7. Chapter 6

The next couple months actually seem to fly by. I did get that promotion at work. I am now making fifteen dollars an hour, which is great. All my money goes straight into a savings account. I have been car hunting for something cheap, yet not something that needs too much work done to it. Mom also talked me up at the hair salon and I have been babysitting on the days I don't work. Let me tell you, people give great money for babysitting, and I need all the practice I can get.

Lexi and I have gotten way closer; she even sleeps at my house when she can't be in hers, which is how we got so close. Manny and I are okay. She suspects that something is going on with me, but I try my hardest, every time to convince her otherwise. I am not really showing, thank goodness. I am, however, almost nine months pregnant, and my junior year is almost over. I still haven't figured out how I am going to finish my senior year, let alone go to college with a newborn. I called Marisa, from that agency, and picked out a program that gives free daycare. The perfect thing about it is that it isn't a far walk from my house. I even talked about getting Jack in there too. With mom and Snake working, and now me working, he can't stay home all the time, plus he can keep an eye on his niece. He is only two and a half now so he has yet to establish the whole niece thing.

Anyway, I am really hoping that I graduate. This last month I haven't really been in school. Dr. Freeman keeps telling me to relax, and that I have to take it easy, but I am so worried about my baby and school that I just can't. I have kept my grades up; I only slipped once, in science. I'm not a big fan of science, but I brought that average back up to a B. Right now, I am finishing up some school work. Snake said he would bring it in for me tomorrow. I have a feeling that any day now my water is going to break. Mom insists I stay in bed. I can't handle all this staying still. I am really beat though. I just got back from work, maybe ten, or fifteen minutes ago. Tomorrow is Friday, and next Monday, school is over. Here comes summer, and my baby girl.

I have been racking my brains for a name. I want it to be cute. I also want it to sound nice with Christine as the middle name. I think I want it to begin with an E. I don't know yet. I mean I have to know soon, she cannot go without a name forever. Lexi has helped me so much; I want my baby's name to reflect that. Hmm… Lexi… Lexi… Lexi… Oh! I got it, Lizzy. Elizabeth Christine Nelson. Oh that sounds adorable. Elizabeth Christine Nelson. Lizzy and Lexi are close. Lizzy, hmm… this is getting me thinking. A six-lined race lizard.

Can I handle getting a tattoo? I must be able to handle it if I can handle having a baby. I can get a simple shaded lizard tattoo with my baby's birthday. I want it to be small, and right by my heart. I know that this year is already going to be hard to forget with all of this, but my baby being born is a good thing, and I want something I can always carry around with me. Mom has to let me get this. She will have to come with me since I'm not eighteen yet. I know I shouldn't be spending my money on a tattoo, but I need this, to always have my little girl with me. I hope it's not that much. If it's small, with no color, it shouldn't be more then seventy-five dollars or so.

I finish up my English paper and run all my work upstairs. I give it to Snake and head back down. I am totally beat. Can you believe I am going to be giving birth soon? I am still a little stunned. Why can't I fall asleep? Maybe I can't sleep because I know I'm not going back to school tomorrow. I really am tired though. Maybe cartoons will help, they usually do. The Justice League Unlimited is on, I like this show. Just staring at the TV makes me yawn. I get comfortable and rest my hand on my stomach.

Goodnight Lizzy…


	8. Chapter 7

I am bringing Jack into the yard to play. It is really nice out today. Uh-oh. 

"Mom!" I yell from the back, "please come out here!" I just stand still. Is this good, is this bad? I don't know what or how to feel.

"What is it sweetie?"

"I, I uh…"

"Oh my!" Mom exclaims. "Get in the car. Jack, come on."

Mom speeds to the hospital. Everything seems to be happening so fast. Do you remember all those other times, when driving here and there felt like it was taken an eternity? Well this time is the complete opposite. Mom rushes me into the hospital, demanding that Dr. Freeman comes out right away. Once I am in the hospital bed and all set up I finally wrap my brain around everything.

"Mom, I need you to call Mandee and Lexi."

"Sure sweetie, anything you want." She smiles at me. Mom sets Jack down on my bed and we play with some car he has. Mom takes her phone out of her bag and leaves the room in search for reception.

**Out of Emma's point of view**  
"Hello?" Mandee asks.

"Hi, Mandee, this is Christine Nelson, Emma's mom, her water just broke."

"Is she doing okay?"

"Yes, so far. Her contractions are still pretty far apart."

"I am coming down."

"Oh, you don't have to; she just wanted to let you know she can't make it to work."

"No, I will be there, right after I finish up here. Bye."

"Bye." Spike hangs up, and then opens her phone back up. She searches for Lexi's number. She finds her house number. Ring, ring, ring, ring…

"Hello?"

"Hi, is Alex there?

"No, I'm sorry, she's not, can I take a message?" Lexi's mom asks.

"Do you; by any chance know where she is, and how I can get a hold of her?"

"She's with Jay, here's his cell phone number (enter number here)."

"Thank you." Spike hangs up with Alex's mom and calls Jay's cell phone. After two rings he picks up.

"Yo." He says into the phone.

"Hello, is Alex with you?"

"Yeah, who is this?"

"Can you tell her it's Spike, Emma's mom. I really need to talk to her."

"Um, yeah… okay." Jay hands the phone over to Alex. "It's spike."

"Spike, what's wrong?" Alex asks a little worried.

"Nothing, nothing, but Emma is going into labor. We are at the hospital now."

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes." They both hang up. Alex hands Jay his cell phone back. "I need a ride."

"I should know by now when you need a ride." Jay takes his phone and shakes his head.

"Hospital, now, please."

"Emma again?"

"Yeah" Alex starts walking to his car. She gets in the passenger seat and waits for Jay.

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah"

"Oh, that's right; I don't get to know anything."

"Jay, this is a big deal. I know this whole Emma and I being friends thing is weird, but I just have to be there for her."

"Do you really think she will be there for you when you need it?"

"Yes, I do."

Alex and Jay arrive at the hospital. Alex thanks him.

"Just call if you need a ride home."

"I will."

Alex goes inside, in search for Emma, she gets a cranky nurse who won't release the information. Fed up with the nurse's attitude, Alex just walks back and follows the signs. Finally she gets an intern who showed her where to go. Alex finds Emma's room and taps on the door. After a couple different "Its open" she opens the door. Snake has just gotten there from school, Spike is standing by Emma, holding her hand, and Jack is sitting on the bed with her.

**Back in Emma's point of view**  
I look up to see Alex is the one who was tapping on the door. I light up, who would have thought that Alex would be my best friend. "Lexi!" I exclaim.

"How ya doing?" Alex asks as she walks into the room. She must have been out, not that she gets dressed up or anything, but now that I know her I can just tell.

"I don't know, I'm kind of nervous."

"That's normal hunny." Mom tells me, reassuringly. Mom picks up Jack, and they, along with Snake leave the room, allowing me and Lexi some privacy.

"Thanks for coming." I look up at her and motion for her to sit next to me.

"Anytime"

"I really appreciate you being here for me, especially though all of this."

"You'd do the same for me right?" The way Lexi asks me almost shocks me.

"Of course." I look at her quizzically. "You know I would Lexi, you have been the best thing that's happened to me through this whole ordeal."

"Yeah, yeah I know… I'm sorry." She kinda seems defeated.

"Lexi, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, just problems at home, and you know that that's nothing new."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nah"

I look down at my stomach, and then back up at her. "I wanted to wait to tell you, but I don't know how long this is going to take."

"Wait for what?"

"I'm naming her Elizabeth. One, because it begins with an E like my name; two, because it sounds pretty with Christine, which will be her middle name, like mine; and most important, because her nickname will be Lizzy, which is similar to Lexi."

"You're giving your baby a name like mine?"

"Yeah, you've helped me so much."

"Well, I feel special, and honored."

"Really? I'm glad because I've been thinking about it for weeks."

"Of course." She waits a bit before talking again; I know something is bothering her. "So Jay asked about you, again."

"Well, I would imagine he would after all the times he's given us rides or my panic attacks and stuff."

"No, well yes, but I think he may like you."

"It doesn't matter if he likes me or not. He won't forever. I am a single mom, and Jay… well Jay is Jay. The two just do not go hand in hand. Honestly, I don't want to be dating."

"Yeah, I know you are going to have a lot to handle, but it is kinda funny."

"You're right, it is a little funny. Wow, it's late. Go home, rest, and come see me tomorrow."

"Are you sure? I could stay."

"I'm not going to allow you to be here all night. Just come see me tomorrow, whenever you wake up."

"Ill be here, first thing in the morning."

Alex left me alone to be in the hospital room. My contractions seem to be getting closer. I'm nervous and I'm scared, but I'm really happy.

* * *

Thirty-six hours later, I came out of labor with a beautiful baby girl. Elizabeth Christine Nelson. Lexi came to see her. I was so happy, I still am. I had to stay in the hospital for a little while but we both came out perfectly healthy. As soon as I was let out of the hospital I went to get my tattoo, with mom of course, and my little Lizzy. It hurt, but getting it on my chest is where it needs to be. It's absolutely perfect…

Summer seemed to fly by. I worked as much as I could, most of the time I worked during nights. Lizzy is a quiet baby, don't get me wrong, she cries, but I got accustomed to what she wanted when she cried. It is almost like I can tell her cries apart. I love her to death, she is my whole world. Lexi sees her regularly. She is pretty good with her. I have a good amount of money saved up, which will be needed since I have to be her diapers and formula two to three times a month. I went back through that program list that helps out single mothers and found one that helps pay for diapers and toys and all that. I have a ton of stuff from them, and honestly I wouldn't know where I'd be without them. I definitely wouldn't know where I'd be without my mom, but they are definitely running second. My room is extremely crowded with all the baby stuff. I packed up and/or thrown away all my old stuff that I just had lying around to make room for Lizzy, because she is all that matters to me now.

School is starting back up soon. Lizzy is now five months old. I am extremely worried about not being with her. I am scared about sending her to the daycare center. The only person I leave her with is mom, and mom will not be at the daycare center with her. Snake and I talked to Mrs. H, and I am going to take my major classes in the morning so I can leave midday. I'm going to take some extra classes on my own, just to make sure I graduate. This year is going to be really, really, really difficult. I know I'm stressing out about it already, and that is not going to help, at all, but I can't help it.

Oh, I put together the most beautiful baby book of Lizzy. I think I photograph her a hundred times a day. She is so cute. Am I really going to be a good mom? Can I really handle all of this? I don't know what I would do if I fail as I mother. I would be crushed. I can't think about that. There is no need to get myself down. Lizzy's awake…


	9. Chapter 8

"Emma!" Lexi says as she walks over to me. "You ready for senior year? I can't believe I'm repeating senior year."

"Well, at least you aren't repeating it because you failed out; you are repeating it to do better."

"Whatever, so how is Lizzy?"

"I miss her already. I was so nervous when I dropped her off at daycare."

"She'll be fine. I'm sure everything will be just fine."

Jay waltzed over to us. "What will be just fine?"

"Emma."

"You got more problems Nelson?"

"The problems never ended." I say to him as I head inside. "I'll see you later Lexi."

As I walk away from them I can hear them talk about me. Jay is being nosey again, and blah, blah, blah. I cannot believe he decided to redo his year. Whenever someone asks about it he says "you can't get a descent job without a diploma" and that's it, even though he already has a job, but I guess he just wants to have a better one some day. My first two classes are completely boring; going over 'the first day of school' crap is annoying. We aren't really doing anything today. I just sat down in my third period class when my cell phone rang. No one ever calls my cell when I'm at school…

"Miss Nelson, you know cell phones are not allowed in school…" The teacher tells me as I take the call. After I say hello my face drops.

"I-I-I have to go…" I run out of the room, not even waiting for a lecture or response of any kind. That was one of the people from Lizzy's daycare. Apparently she's sick, she has a fever or something. I can't really remember. As soon as I heard the lady say Lizzy was sick I said I'm coming and just left. I hurry through the hallway, then outside and to my car. I rush over to the daycare center. As I get inside and pick up Lizzy, the lady goes on about a fever and she just wanted to inform me or something. I just sign the in-out sheet and go home. I knew leaving Lizzy would be horrible. Once I get her home I calm down a bit, now I'm in a comfortable place. I take a breath. First, I take Lizzy's temperature; it's just slightly above average. Second, I give her some baby medicine. I love the face she makes when I squirt it into her mouth. I look around, wondering where my little almost three year old brother went to. I found him in the living room, watching Rugrats. I sit down with him after putting Lizzy in her little swing.

* * *

Time flies by. I get up when I hear knocking on the door. It's Manny.

"Hi…" I say, standing in the doorway, she still doesn't know about Lizzy. I honestly don't know if I want to tell her either.

"Hey, so you didn't stay in school all day…"

"No, I had to come home."

"Oh, so you busy tonight?"

"I have work for a little."

"You wanna hang out or something? We can see a movie or just hang out."

"Um, yeah, I get off at eight, so if you want to hang out for a little at the mall I can do that."

"Yeah, cool, I'll be there. Bye." Manny waves as she turns around and walks down the front steps.

I close the door and look at the clock. Where is mom? She should be home from work by now. I have forty-seven minutes to get to work, minus the twenty minute drive to the mall. I run downstairs to change, grab my I.D. and find my cell phone. First, I call Lexi at home, no answer, next I call Jay.

"Yo," I hear Jay say into the phone.

"Jay, hi, it's Emma, sorry to bother you, is Lexi with you?"

"No," He is quick and blunt.

"Damn it, um, do you know where she is?"

"Nope," He stays quiet for a minute. "Do you need something?"

"I need Lexi, I have to get to work and I have- no, um never mind, uh…"

"Oh, wait, here she is." Jay says, I hear him tell Lexi that it's me on the phone.

"What's up Em?"

"I need you here, only till mom or Snake comes home."

"Why?"

"I have to be at work in forty minutes and mom's not home."

"Oh, um, yeah I guess I could come over. I'll be there in fifteen minutes." We hang up with each other. I put my cell in my pocket and walk over to Lizzy. I get her a bottle ready, and make another one for tonight. I look at the clock. I wonder where mom is. I finish feeding Lizzy and walk around the room with her, patting her back softly. I lay her down, change her diaper, and clean her up a little. I change her into a little pink pajama set. I hear a car drive up. I set Lizzy in the swing. She has her cute I'm-really-tired face on.

* * *

I walk outside to see Lexi getting out of Jay's car. "Hi, thank you so, so, so much, she's fed and changed and in her swing. Jack will tell you what he wants if he needs anything. Mom should be home soon. Thank you, thank you. I have to go to work. Thanks Lexi."

I wave and smile, then get in my car.

**Out of Emma's point of view**  
"Thanks for the ride Jay." Alex calls out to him, since he is still sitting there.

"What, I can't come in?"

"No."

"What? Why not?"

"Jay, you can't. I have to get inside." Lexi hears crying through the open front door. She goes in and walks up to Lizzy. "You must be crying cuz your swing stopped." Lexi cranked the knob on the swing, and once it started moving Lizzy quieted down. She looked up to see Jay standing in the doorway. "What are you still doing here?"

"I didn't think you could be good with kids." Jay says, helping himself inside of the house.

"Who you?" Jack asks Jay, appearing out of no where.

"I'm Jay, and who are you?"

"Jack! Lexi, is he yours?"

"So to speak, Jack." Lexi tells him as Jack sets himself on the couch. "Jack, do you know when your mom will be back?"

"After work?"

"I'll take that as a no."

"Can I play in my room?"

"Of course, but I'll be checking on you, so you better not color on anything."

"Otay…" Jack ran up the stairs as fast as he could with his little legs. Lexi sits down on the couch, by Lizzy's swing.

Jay, who is still standing, walks a little closer to Alex. "You like doing all of these favors for her?"

"Jay, don't."

"What has she done for you?"

"She gets me Jay. Emma is a good person, no matter what happened with us over the years. Can you just let it go?"

"Yeah, fine, whatever."

"Can you leave now?"

"Why can't I stay?"

"I have to baby-sit, why would you want to stay?"

"I've met Jack, so who's the girl?"

"Lizzy." They turn their heads when they see Spike come into the house. "Hey, Emma had work, so she asked me to stay until you came home."

"Oh, thank you Alex. Sorry, I had a late day, I rushed out of there, but people don't listen to me when I say I have to leave. Sorry, I'm rambling. Where's Jack?"

"He's upstairs playing."

"Oh, thank you Alex, really, you have been such a huge help."

"No problem."

"Oh, Jay, hi, sorry I didn't see you there."

"Hi."

"Well, Alex, thank you again."

"Anytime, if I don't talk to Emma before you can you tell her I'll call her or something?"

"Yeah sure, thanks."

Alex and Jay get up and leave. "Is that Spike's kid?" Jay asks

"Yeah," Alex says as she gets into the passenger seat. Jay gets in as well and they drive off.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Emma's point of view**  
I just got of work. I'm walking out and keeping an eye out for Manny. Finally, I spot her.

"Hey Manny," I say walking over to her

"Hey, how was work?"

"Eh, okay. So, what would you like to do?"

"You want to just walk around, maybe shop around if there is anything good, and gossip?"

"Yeah, sounds good."

"Oo, look at that top, it is adorable."

"Let's go in, try it on."

That is pretty much how it goes. We tried on clothes, talked about random school things, and life in general, but of course I left out my giving birth to Lizzy. Speaking of Lizzy, I miss her, and I hope she isn't giving Alex and/or mom a problem. It's almost 9:30. I tell Manny that I have to be heading home. She gives me a hug, so I hug her back, and get home. I walk into the house, and it's pretty quiet. I look around, there's a light on in the kitchen.

"Hey mom," I say, setting down my phone and work I.D. "Did the kids give you any problems today?"

"Not at all, Lizzy was asleep when I got home, and Jack was playing with his action figures."

"Where's Lizzy now?"

"She's with Jack, in his room; he's showing her how you play with action figures."

"Oh, I'm sorry about just running out and having Lexi here."

"I like Alex, she's a good girl, but Jay was here also."

"He was?"

"Yeah, he was fine though. They weren't here too long before I showed up."

"Oh," We stopped talking when we heard a knock at the door. "Are you expecting someone?"

"No, its late, who could that be?" Mom gets up and walks into the living room. She opens up the door to see Lexi. She has a duffel bag with her and looks upset.

"Lexi, what happened?" I ask her, ushering her into the living room.

"I-I-I just can't be there. Is it okay if I stay here for a little?"

"Of course!" Mom says.

"Are you sure?" Lexi asks.

"Alex, you've helped us out so much, and you will stay here for as long as you need." Mom gave Alex a warm smile, kissed me on my head, and went upstairs.

* * *

"What happened?" I ask again, walking down into my room.

"It's just mom being mom and Chad and it's just too much. I've been working like crazy and they just blow all the money. I can't afford a place on my own yet, so I came to you."

I sit on my bed, "It will be like having a permanent girl's night, I'll have to teach you." I laugh a little. "Oh, I have to get Lizzy, be right back." I run upstairs and bring Lizzy back down with me. I set her down in her crib. She is absolutely adorable.

"You're great at that."

"I thought being a mom would be so hard, don't get me wrong, it is, but it just feels natural."

"I really appreciate you letting me crash here."

"Lexi, after all you've done for me I owe you, big time. I'm sorry to cut this short, but I'm beat. You want this bed, or the extra one?"

"I'll take the extra one." Lexi walks over to the other bed, I hand her a blanket, and settle myself down in my bed. I instantly fall asleep. That nice, deep sleep only lasts a couple hours. Lizzy starts crying. I get up quickly, hoping that she doesn't wake up Alex. I pick her up and soothe her until she falls back asleep, but I can't put her back down. I know I shouldn't hold her, or get up every single time she cries because she will be spoiled, but I just can't help it. Finally, I put her back into her crib and fall back asleep. Ever since I've had Lizzy, I got used to only sleeping for four hours or so. With Lizzy, school, and work, sleeping is just too overrated for me. The next noise I hear is my alarm clock. I hit it, and jump in the shower. Alex definitely doesn't take as long as I do to get ready so I'm just going to let her sleep. I wake Alex up after I get out of the shower. Now I have to get Lizzy ready; washed, fed, changed, and burped. I do not want to bring her to daycare, I wish she could come with me, but I have school.


	10. Chapter 9

Alex and I get to school. We go our separate ways, nothing major happens today. School is just school, blah and boring. I leave after fourth period; I get Lizzy, and get home. Luckily mom's there. I have an early shift today so I set my stuff down and take care of Lizzy. I don't want to burden mom anymore then I have to so I just make sure she is all set, and that there are bottles ready. I kiss Lizzy goodbye and say bye to mom. I feel like I never get to see her, and I hate that. I work today for six and a half hours. I am not necessarily complaining about the overtime, because I really need the money, but I feel like a horrible parent because I hardly see Lizzy. I get home to find Alex and Jay there. 

"Oh… hi," I say, not really sure what else to say.

"Hey," Lexi says.

"I thought you'd be out or something." I tell her.

"Oh, is it cool that we're here?"

"Oh, yeah, you live here silly, I just thought you would have gone out." I take off my ID badge and look around for mom. "Where's mom?"

"She ran to the store or something like that."

"Where's Jack and Lizzy?"

"She took Jack with her, and Lizzy is sleeping."

I walk downstairs to my room; there is my peaceful little girl. I could stare at her all day. Since she is sleeping I take a quick shower. I come out of the bathroom in a towel and pull out some shorts and a tee shirt. As I go to get changed someone comes downstairs.

"Hey, Lexi wants to know…" Jay asks, walking down the stairs. He stops when he realizes that I'm not dressed. He just stares at me.

"Jay! Turn around or go back upstairs or something!" I exclaim. It takes him a while to comprehend, but he walks back upstairs. I get dressed and wake up Lizzy; I bring her upstairs with me and get her a bottle from the fridge.

"Jay, next time could you knock?" I say, slightly laughing. I feel weird that him seeing me naked didn't actually bother me.

"Yeah, sorry." He says, watching me with Lizzy.

"That must have been priceless," Alex starts. "I asked him to ask you if you wanted to go out with us."

"I can't, I have tons of work, plus someone has to be here with Lizzy."

"Right, okay another time."

I set Lizzy down in her swing and go into the kitchen to wash out her bottle. Alex runs downstairs to get something and Jay comes into the kitchen.

"Hey Emma?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you… want…. to hang out sometime?"

"I, I'm, I'm not seeing anyone right now." I tell him, which is true; I can't see anyone right now.

"What about tomorrow, will you be dating then?" He asks, with a little smirk on his face.

I smile at him and see Alex come up from downstairs. "Bye Jay."

Can you believe that Jay just asked me out? I can't. How weird is that? Gosh, I cannot even begin to think. I kinda feel bad; I mean Jay, of all people, has helped me so much and I just pretty much blew him off.

* * *

**Meanwhile with Alex and Jay**  
"That baby is Emma's, isn't it?" Jay asks Alex, on their way to the ravine.

"What are you talking about?" Alex looks at Jay.

"That little girl, what's her name, it begins with an L, its Emma's."

"Lizzy, her name is Lizzy, and why would you think that?"

"I'm just thinking about all that happened last year, and this past summer. It makes sense."

"You're crazy."

"I asked her out."

"You asked her out, like as in to for her to be your girlfriend?"

"No, I just asked if she wanted to hang out sometime."

"What did she say?"

"She looked at the baby, and said that she isn't dating right now."

"I'm gonna have to have a talk with that girl."

"You're not going to tell me that the baby is hers, are you?"

"You think what you want Jay." They get to the ravine and just hang out, mingling with people. Jay cannot stop thinking about Emma and Lizzy. He goes back through all of their encounters since junior year. He knows that the baby has to be hers.

* * *

**Back with Emma**  
I am sitting down with Lizzy, just holding her, and playing with her little fingers. I notice the pile of mail on the coffee table; I guess mom didn't look through it. I rummage through and open one addressed to me. I don't recognize the sender. I open it up and begin to read. I can't believe what this piece of paper says. How can this be happening? This can't be happening. It has to be some sick, cruel, disgusting joke. I look at Lizzy; she's playing with a lock of my hair and giggling. My eyes start to water.

I haven't moved from the couch. I still have yet to put down the letter. Mom didn't answer her phone when I called. I couldn't leave a message. I'm scared. I finally get up and put Lizzy in her car seat. I know bringing her is gonna cause rumors, but I cannot leave her here. I have to talk to Alex. I fold the letter up and stick it back in the envelope. I drive down to the ravine. I take Lizzy out of the car and look for Alex. Thankfully, she isn't around a group of people. She's with Jay and Towerz, and hopefully everyone else is too busy to notice me carrying a five month old. I walk around, so I don't have to walk through the crowd of people.

"Em, what's wrong, why are you crying?" Lexi says, getting off of the picnic table.

I shift Lizzy to my other hip and pull out the letter. I give it to her, and as she reads it she lets out a few 'oh my god's' every once in a while. I start crying all over again. Jay and Towerz are just looking from me to Lexi.

"Jay, please hold her." I give Lizzy to Jay. As he takes her from me, she immediately touches his face with her little fingers. She's so adorable. I sit down on the picnic bench, my head in my hands. Lexi sits by me when she's done reading, rubbing my back. "What am I gonna do?"

"We'll figure this out. Have you told your mom?" Lexi asks, still rubbing circles on my back.

"I tried calling her but she didn't answer. Lexi, no one knew, only you, mom and Snake. This means that…" I can't even bring myself to say it. I wipe my eyes. "Sorry Jay, I'll take her back now." I pick her up from Jay's arms. She still has that cute, toothless smile on her face. "I'm sorry, I'm gonna go, maybe mom's back."

"I'll come with you." Lexi says, standing up as I do.

"No, stay, I'll be fine." I walk away; I don't wait for Lexi to protest. I feel like all I do is monopolize her time. I put Lizzy back in her car seat and drive home. I try calling mom again, this time she answers and tells me she'll be home as soon as she can. I call my therapist, and Marisa, the one who helped me with Lizzy's daycare. I have an appointment with Dr. Montemayor tomorrow afternoon, and Marisa said she'll pull some strings and see what she can do for me. I pace around the room, holding Lizzy, I need to feel better, just for a few minutes. I begin playing with her, tossing her in the air, and tickling her. I love when she laughs. I love my little girl. She is the only good thing that I have going, and if something happens to her, I wouldn't know what to do. I do not want to think about it. I just can't think about it.

I lay down on the floor. Lizzy is on her stomach, moving her arms and legs. I cannot wait until she starts walking. I know it's going to be hectic, and I will have to baby proof the house, but I don't know, I can't wait to teach her. She almost has crawling down, but she's not strong enough to hold her wait up yet. We are playing with her toys, and I decide to put her in her walker. She absolutely loves it, almost as much as her swing. The seat bounces up and down, and she walks around in it, playing with the shapes on the tray. I look up when I hear the front door open. I wipe the few tears that have been trying to roll down my cheeks. Mom and Snake walk in with Jack. I hand them the letter to read.

"This cannot be happening!" Mom cries, she sounds as if she is furious as I am.

"I already called Marisa, to see if there is some type of program that can help me, and I have an appointment with Dr. Montemayor tomorrow afternoon."

"Emma, we will figure this out." Snake reassures me.

"I'm scared." I say bluntly. I am scared, so scared. Only the worst case scenarios are running through my head.

I get up and go down to my room with Lizzy and Jack. They play on the bed for a little. I just sit there and watch how adorable they are together.

* * *

**Meanwhile… upstairs**  
Alex and Jay have just walked into the house.

"Hi Spike, Mr. S, is it okay that Jay's here?" Alex asks, closing the door behind them.

"Yeah, of course Alex. Emma is really upset, so just be careful." Spike says. Snake and Spike get comfortable on the couch. Alex and Jay walk down to Emma's room, being as quiet as they can be. Emma is sitting at her desk, with books open everywhere, on the desk, the floor, and her dresser. She's trying to finish all the work she has. Jack is still teaching Lizzy how to play with action figures.

"Emma?" Alex tries to get her attention, "Is it okay that we're here, or do you want some alone time?"

"Oh, no, no, this is your room now too Lexi. Sit; make yourself comfortable, um somewhere."

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm not really; I'm trying to keep myself busy. Jack, don't sit so close to the edge." Emma sticks her head back into her books, writing frantically. Alex looks at Jay and shrugs. They look over at the bed and notice how close Lizzy and Jack are to the edge. Jay goes over and picks them up, placing them in the middle of Emma's bed. "Thanks Jay."

"Yeah…" Jay says. He sits on the edge of the bed, just watching Jack and Lizzy. After a while Lizzy starts crying. Emma gets up, picks up Lizzy and brings her into the bathroom to change her diaper.

**Emma cannot hear them**

"It's her baby." Jay says to Lexi.

"Believe what you want Jay." Alex just shrugs, trying not to be too obvious that Jay knows the truth.

"Why won't you tell me?" Jay, still staring at her, quite fiercely, slightly softens his tone. He feels strangely, well… addicted to this growing predicament that he has been thrown into. Hanging out with Alex and Emma so much has turned him into… dare he think it… a gossip? No, he's not being a gossip; he has every right to be curious.

"There's nothing to tell." Alex keeps her same, well-together tone, not changing her voice at all, not giving Jay the slightest hint as to why.

**Emma's point of view**  
I come back out of the bathroom, holding Lizzy, "Who's telling what?" I ask, for no particular reason, not to be nosey, but just to throw myself into their conversation.

"Nothing," Lexi states, "I'm gonna get something to drink, does anyone want?" She looks from me to Jay.

"Juice!" Jack exclaims. He gets off the bed, takes Alex's hand, and goes upstairs, with Alex following behind him. Alex looks back at us, making sure we don't want anything, as she tries her best to keep up with Jack, without tripping over him.

"What happened before?" Jay asks me. Jay placed his elbows on his knees, trying to squeeze some information out of me; he just wants to know something, anything.

I set Lizzy back on the bed and resume my position at my desk. "Just more bad news, nothing new." I shrug as I pick up my pencil, vigorously trying to finish all my work.

**Out of Emma's point of view**  
"Uh-huh," Jay watches her. He looks from Lizzy to Emma. Lizzy's hair is the same color blonde, but her eyes are a lighter brown then Emma's. They are more hazel, with a tint of blue in them. They have the same face shape. Even though her smile is a toothless grin, it resembles Emma's. Jay knows that this little girl just so happens to be the child of the girl sitting across from him, at her desk. He can't believe Emma had gotten knocked up. It didn't seem right, that wasn't Greenpeace, so there must be more to the story. Strangely enough, Jay is intrigued, very interesting in what had happened to the old Greenpeace he had tortured a couple years ago. He felt kinda bad. The truth being that he ridiculed and busted Emma's chops for no real purpose, not a valid one anyway. Jay's thoughts are interrupted by Emma's sudden little outburst.

**Emma's point of view**  
"I'm finished." I exclaim, for no real purpose, I'm just happy that my homework is completed. I start closing all the books, and put what I need for tomorrow in my backpack. I almost forget that Jay is still sitting on my bed, wow that is funny to think about… Jay Hogart, in my room, on my bed…

"Hey Emma?" Jay asks me.

"Yeah?" I say, looking up at him, breaking my concentration from my backpack.

"Could you tutor me?" He sounds a little, hmm… un-Jay like. Why on earth would he want to be tutored, am I missing something here? Is this a joke?

"Huh?" I heard what Jay has just recently asked me, but I'm a little confused. No, Jay wouldn't be playing with me, not after all that happened to me today. He can't be that heartless… even though he has no clue what is going on.

"You know, help me with school." He slightly chuckled. I guess he knows how confused I am; Jay and school… don't really go hand in hand.

"Right, um, yeah sure." I am surprised by this. Jay doesn't seem like the person to care about school, and he doesn't really, but he does want to pass and be done with school altogether.

"Cool, so I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Jay says getting up. I give him a little smile as he heads upstairs.

* * *

Alex comes down the stairs.

She looks up in Jay's direction, as she sees him get to the kitchen. "So Jay asked you out before?" She raises an eyebrow, quite critically, and I can't help but laugh.

"Yeah, I guess so." I think back to it. Standing in the kitchen, holding Elizabeth in my arms, and Jay asking me out… wow, what a mouthful.

"Why did you say no?" She sits on her bed, leaning back on her hands, palms down on the bed.

"I said no because I have a five month old kid." Hmm… that came out a little sarcastically, but it is true. I mean I have a baby; I am a high school student, with a baby.

"Emma, Jay likes you, just give him a chance." Alex is so sincere sometimes, kinda weird. I think she will always have this soft spot for Jay, even though he cheated on her, they will always love each other. That is a nice thing to have.

"Lexi, this is hard for me, I have a baby, school, work, and now a new problem. Jay cannot handle me, and honestly, Jay isn't really the daddy type." I cannot just throw myself into a relationship, I cannot work like that.

"You never know, just sleep on it." Alex gets in bed. I turn the TV on and turn out the lights. I have to give it to Alex, she sure is persistent.

* * *

Today has been one hell of a day. I put Lizzy in her crib and just watch her for a few moments. I can't be dating someone, not now, not with all of this, and especially not Jay. I know he's been great, helping me though all of this, even though he doesn't really know what is going on, but it's just too hard. And he shouldn't have to be with me, he doesn't like people like me.

I finally get into bed. I sleep for a little and wake up when Lizzy cries. I soothe her back to sleep, gently pacing the room and rocking her. I love her so much, I love her more then life itself. This whole new situation has me tremendously scared. I cannot stop thinking about it. I lay Lizzy back in her crib and get back into my own bed. I toss and turn for a while. I have nothing but nightmares, nightmares of Lizzy being taken, and me never seeing her again.

This is horrible. Why is it that life only seems to get worse? Why?


	11. Chapter 10

"Emma, come in." Doctor Montemayor says to me. I follow her into her office. "Is that your daughter?" 

"Yes, Elizabeth, and Lizzy for short." I gently touch her arm, running my fingers on her smooth skin. I cannot help but smile every time I set eyes on her. She lightens up my mood, and brightens up my day. I set her little rocker down by my feet.

"She's adorable." Doctor M. is so sincere. I didn't think talking to a therapist would actually be this easy.

"Yeah she is…" I take a deep breath. "I got this letter yesterday, from her father's lawyer." I hand the letter over to her and wait for her to finish reading it. "How can he do this, and how did he know?"

"Honestly, I don't know, unless he was following you or hired someone to. What are you going to do?" She sighs as she hands it back to me.

"I called Marisa; she is setting me up with a program to help get me a lawyer. I can't have him take Lizzy from me. I need her." I start crying. I see Lizzy look up at me, like she knows something is wrong.

"Well, let us just take this one day at a time. When you get a lawyer, talk to him/her about this, respond to the letter. Emma, you have to be strong, this is going to be very difficult. I am very proud of you. Calling Marisa was a wise move, you really have this under control, more so then you think. Most people would not have been able to think about setting up appointments with either someone like me or Marisa." She gently reaches for my shoulder, giving me a light squeeze.

"The only thing I thought about after reading that was keeping my daughter. I knew I needed to talk to you, and I knew Marisa could help me, since she has done so much for me already, you both have. I'm so worried about this." I tell her. That is how the rest of the session goes. She tries to tell me that it will all work out in the end. I have to take it one day at a time. Hopefully it does, if it doesn't I don't think I'd be able to live.

* * *

After the session is over, I bring Lizzy back home. Marisa left me a message on the answering machine. I call her back and call the lawyer as well. The lawyers name is Natalie, she seems nice, and she is willing to help me. She tells me to go to her office right away. I get Lizzy back in her car seat and drive to her office, which is downtown. Natalie reads the letter, and we discuss it. I tell her every little detail about Mike and the week in Martha's Vineyard. Natalie faxes the letter back to Mike's lawyer. Apparently this is going to go to court. God, please don't take my baby from me.

This whole week I have been in and out of court, or my lawyer's office. Mike wants custody of Lizzy, yeah over my dead body. My lawyer keeps telling me to play the sympathy card, and it's not like I'm lying. I really hope the judge doesn't grant him custody. I still have yet to figure out how he even found out that I had Lizzy. Everything is just too stressful. I cannot deal with this. The next week the judge decides that Mike will be allowed visitation. Can you believe that? The man that tortured me actually gets visitation rights. All my lawyer said was that Mike getting visitation rights is better then gaining any type of custody. Mike is allowed to pick up Lizzy from my house Sunday morning at nine, and he has to bring her back by six. I am really dreading this Sunday.

I have done nothing but cry since I first got that letter. I couldn't get through one day at court without tears rolling down my face. I can't hold Lizzy without tearing up. Life is just throwing bad thing after bad thing at me. After all I've been though can't I get a simple break? With all this going on, my school work, nor my job have been going that great. It took me forever to get my grades back up. I feel horrible about the tutoring sessions with Jay because I'm hardly ever focused on just him. Lexi has been amazing, as always. I just can't do this.

I got out of the shower this morning and spent almost twenty minutes looking at my tattoo. Just looking at it makes my heart melt. I feel like Lizzy is with me permanently, even when she's not literally with me. This whole court situation has made me take steps backwards. I don't do anything besides go to school, work, and take care of Lizzy. I can't help but think that Jay knows that Lizzy is mine. I mean he's around a lot now that Lexi is pretty much my roommate. He never brings it up though, at least not with me.

I can't stand all these different thoughts twirling around in my head. I can't concentrate on anything, at all. It's driving me insane. I can't go insane; I have a baby to take care of. What is wrong with me? Why am I letting this eat at me? if I am not strong enough to take care of this, then how am I going to be strong enough to raise a child, to raise my child…

It's Sunday morning, six o clock. I bring Lizzy upstairs with me. I wasn't able to sleep all night. I bring Lizzy up so I don't wake up Alex. Have I told you how much I am dreading today? I change, feed, burp, and give Lizzy a bath. She is so adorable. I have a diaper bag packed for her, for Mike. I swear if this is some kind of game to him then he will not live to see tomorrow. Lizzy is mine, she is my child. I shouldn't have to share her with the man that tortured me. Spike, Snake, and Alex are in the living room with me. I am holding Lizzy. Her little fingers are wrapped around one of mine. She is smiling. I love her toothless little grin. There's a knock on the door. I instantly tear up. Mom takes Lizzy from me, picks up her diaper bag, and gives her to Mike. I run downstairs, jump in my bed, curl up, and start bawling my eyes out.


	12. Chapter 11

Snake, Spike, and Alex looked at each other. 

"I'll keep her company." Alex states. Alex figured she would have to be the one to talk to Emma first because Spike looked too upset. Alex made her way down to hers and Emma's room. "Em, it will be okay, Lizzy will be back here in a few hours." Alex sits on the bed, next to Emma, rubbing her back. She does her best to keep talking so Emma's mind is elsewhere. After awhile Alex goes back upstairs.

"Is she doing any better?" Spike asks looking up at Alex from the tea kettle she had just had her eyes on.

"She's still crying." Alex states, with a tint of disappointment in her voice because she has no idea what to do for her new best friend.

"It's been three hours." Snake says, shaking his head. "I'm going to see if I can get her to eat." Snake disappears down to Emma's room; everyone else in the kitchen just stays quiet.

"I can't believe Emma has another thing on her plate to deal with." Spike says aloud, to no one in particular. Alex gives her a reassuring look. They both turn to face the living room, when they hear a knock on the front door. "I'll get it." Spike walks through the living room, and opens up the door. "Oh, hi Jay, come in."

"Hey Mrs. Simpson, is Alex around?" Jay tries his best to sound somewhat polite. He puts his hands in his pocket, not sure of what else to do with them.

"Yeah, follow me, and I told you to call me Spike." Spike gives him a warm little smile and opens up the door wider for Jay to enter. She turns around and the two of them walk into the kitchen.

"Hey Jay," Lexi says. She takes a seat at the kitchen table. "What's up?" She curls her legs under her and looks up at him.

"Nothing really," Jay states, leaning against the kitchen wall, "Not much to do until I go to work." He looks at her, with a little sly smirk, knowing that Lexi would say something smart.

Snake comes up the stairs, "I can't get her to eat, not even one bite." He is genially upset. Alex turns her oh-you're-using-me-cuz-your-bored look from Jay to Snake, and her expression softens.

"Has she stopped crying?" Spike asks her concerned husband. Jay perks up a little, wondering what is going on in the home that he just walked into.

"Yeah, a little bit anyway." Snake sighs, "I have some errands to run. Spike, maybe you and Jack should come. I think Emma needs some alone time, maybe she will feel better if she thinks we aren't trying to surround her."

"Are you sure Archie?" Spike seems a little skeptical; she can't possibly leave her daughter at a time like this.

"Yeah, go, take Jack to the park or something," Lexi tells them, "I'll be here if Emma needs something." Alex gives Spike a diminutive reassuring smile.

Spike gives Alex a hug. They get their things, and Jack together and leave. Jay waits silently until he hears their car pull away. "So, what's going on?" Jay folds his arms across his chest, giving Lexi an i-wanna-know-the-truth look.

"Just a really horrible day," Lexi starts, "Hey, can you see if Emma will eat something?" Leave it to Alex to ask a loaded question way too casually.

"Why me?" Jay looks at her. "You know I am no good with the whole crying thing." Jay says simply, trying to find a way out of being pushed down the stairs.

"That is a lie, and you know it. You've been there for me before, so just go down there and try." Lexi tells him, pushing him towards the doorway. Jay, a little reluctantly, started walking down the basement steps into Emma's room. She is curled up on her bed, sniffling. Jay casually sits on the edge of the bed.

* * *

**Emma's point of view**  
I feel someone sit on the bed, since the bed slowly dips under the weight, but I hadn't heard anyone come down. I figure it was mom or Snake, or possibly Alex. "I'm fine, really, and I'm not hungry." 

"You don't look fine." Jay speaks lightly, but his voice is stern.

I turn to see Jay; he was someone I was not expecting. "Sorry, I thought you were mom or something."

"She's yours isn't she?" Jay asks, looking quite quizzical. I look at him like he has five heads… "The baby, that little girl, what is she… four or five months. Where is she anyway?"

I know Jay didn't know that bringing up Elizabeth would make me cry, but I can't help it, I practically burst into tears. I can tell I caught him off guard. It was a really random question, the out of the blue kind of random.

"Um, I didn't mean to make you cry… please don't cry." He put his arm around me, giving me a warm side hug. I turn more to face him. "I'm not good at the whole comforting thing, so I don't know what to say, but I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry; I'm just bummed, depressed, nervous, anxious…" I let the sentence trail off, since he probably gets my point, plus I am running out of synonyms to describe my mood.

"You're all over the place, huh?" He asks, I can tell he is joking by the slight change of tone in his voice.

I look up at him, wiping my eyes. "I guess I am. So, how long have you known?" My voice is suddenly a little weak.

"Um, a while I guess. Don't get me wrong, at first, all this stuff that was happening to you, I didn't put two and two together, I didn't even try. A couple times I asked Lexi if she was yours, she wouldn't answer me though. I could tell by the way you acted with her."

"Oh," I gulp, gosh, he's pretty smart. "You, um, you haven't told anyone, right?" I slowly look up to meet his eyes.

"No, swear. So where is she?" Jay says as he turns his gaze away from me.

"With her biological father," I tell him, tearing up again. I still cannot even think about him without getting enraged or extremely upset.

"Who's that?" Jay says it, trying not to sound too curious. It's probably such a surprise to him to know I am not a virgin anymore, whether he knows how it happened or not.

"You wouldn't know him, just a total creep." I hope he doesn't pry on the whole father thing. I can't talk about Mike… I just can't.

"Is that why you're swimming in tears down here?" Jay has his slightly joking tone back. He's looking at me, but it's not a look that he usually gives me, there's something… different… kinda odd.

I let out a tiny chuckle, "I'm scared, and nervous. She's never been without me before, and Mike, he shouldn't even be allowed visitation after what he did. I can't believe this is happening." I put my head down. I know I'm going to start crying again.

"What do you mean after what he did?" Jay asks me, taking his arm off from around my shoulders, a little suddenly, but not extremely.

"I, I, I really don't want to talk about it." I turn away from Jay. I can't relive what he put me through. I haven't even mentioned it since the whole telling the parents thing. That night was the last time it came out of anyone's mouth.

"Hey," Jay pulls me back towards him, gently forcing me to look at him. "I won't make you talk about it. You should eat something, it would mean a lot to your mom." He removes his hand from my face as he finishes. I applaud his changing-the-subject effort.

"Um, yeah, I guess." I might as well leave me room, since crying down here isn't making me feel any better. I must admit though, Jay is… making me feel a little better.

"Good." Jay stands up, takes my hand in his, and pulls me up the steps behind him. Lexi is sitting in the kitchen. Jay quickly let's go as we hit the doorway to the kitchen.

* * *

"You came out of your room, I am very surprised." Lexi smiles up at me. 

"Yeah well… you guys want something to eat?" I change the subject to food because I honestly don't really know what I am feeling right now.

"Uh, sure," Lexi shrugs and closes the magazine she had been flipping through.

"Okay, I'll make something, to keep my mind busy. Get out of the kitchen." I need to clear my head, and yet keep my mind busy enough that I don't start worry over Elizabeth to the point where I breakdown.

**Out of Emma's point of view**  
Lexi and Jay took a seat on the couch. The television was on, creating a slight murmur.

"So…" Lexi asks, turning sideways to face Jay. She doesn't want to push him, but she is extremely curious.

"So… what?" Jay doesn't turn his head away from the TV, knowing that if he looks at Alex, she will know that he knows what she's talking about.

"Don't play with me Jay, what happened?" Alex's tone is semi-serious; she looks at Jay intently, even though he hasn't moved his eyes from the TV.

"Nothing" Jay folds his arms across his chest and lets out a little huff. He knows what Alex wants to know, but he truthfully doesn't know what he wants.

"Bull, now tell me." Alex mocks Jay, folding her arms over her chest. She really knows how to get to him, slowly making him talk to her.

"Fine, I told her I knew the kid was hers." Jay finally looks away from the TV. He turns her attention to Lexi, giving her exactly what she has wanted this whole time.

"What did she say?" Alex asks a little intrigued. It was almost as if she is waiting on his every word, just hoping that maybe the two of them would stop being so damn stubborn.

"Not much, she asked if I told anyone, and I didn't." Jay shrugs helplessly, he doesn't want to talk about it anymore, but he knows Alex does. Why she was pushing this so hard, he had know idea.

"Does she know that you knew when you asked her out?" Alex keeps her tone low, even though she has a very, very slight hint of excitement in her voice.

"No." Jay is frank. He didn't tell her, and he doesn't think he should. Emma said she didn't want to date, so he wasn't going to push it. Jay doesn't really know why he even asked her, it just kind of escaped from his mouth.

"What, why not?" Alex sits up a little. Her voice a little higher, but she quickly composes herself.

"She doesn't want to date, and I am not the daddy type." Jay tells Alex the truth, but he knows that she will not settle for that. For some reason is very hooked on the idea of Jay and Alex getting together.

"That's what Emma told me when I asked her why she said no." Alex lowers her voice a little. "Just tell her." She ponders how Jay and Emma think exactly the same and she lightly chuckles to herself at that fact. They are so opposite, yet strangely alike at the same time.

* * *

**Emma's point of view**  
"Foods done!" I call out from the kitchen. Jay and Lexi get up and walk in. I try to keep my voice normal, not wanting to show how extremely worried I am. 

"Just drop it Alex." Jay says, sitting down at the table. He doesn't look at me, or Alex.

"Drop what?" I ask. Jay looks a little peeved, and Alex looks determined, which means they must be up to something. I don't think that is a good thing.

"Nothing," Jay replies rather quickly. He automatically starts eating the food I set down on a plate for him.

Lexi takes a seat and picks up her fork, "Well, you see-" Alex stars, but gets interrupted by a semi-annoyed Jay.

"Lexi, I am bigger and stronger then you so I suggest you drop the subject." Jay doesn't raise his voice, but I can definitely tell that he is serious.

"I'm just gonna go downstairs." I didn't wait for them to say anything. I wonder what they are arguing about. I walk down the stairs, passing the mirror that is hanging on my wall. I stop and look at myself. A very tiny piece of my tattoo can be seen sticking out of my shirt. I pull my shirt down a little. I miss her so much. I have to be without her for nine hours, nine whole hours! I mean, it's been a few hours, but I want her back. I want to be able to hold her.

**Out of Emma's point of view**  
"Why are you so stubborn?" Alex asks Jay as she cleans up the dishes.

"I don't want to talk about it." Jay is beginning to get annoyed. Why must she keep talking about it?

"Well too damn bad." Alex gives Jay his same serious tone, determined to knock him down a few notches.

"You can't have your way all the time Lexi." Jay has a little pleading-ness in his voice, trying not to get overly mad about how she won't just drop the subject.

"This isn't about what I want… okay maybe a little, but-" Alex is trying to light of the situation as Jay cuts her off, although, not intending to be rude.

"But nothing, I am not that type of guy. I can't do it Lexi." Jay can't just change himself. Sure, he isn't the same hook-up, one-night-stand guy ever since he and Lexi ended their romantic relationship, but he definitely can't handle a relationship… not yet, maybe not ever.

"Just try Jay. Go down there, and make sure we didn't upset her." Alex lightens up her tone a little, but not exactly begging Jay to give it a chance.

"But-" Jay wants to protest, to tell Alex that he doesn't have any idea whatsoever as to try to make Emma feel better, but this time Alex cuts him off.

"No buts go." Alex keeps her voice stern, but semi-gentle. She lightly pushes him toward Emma's doorway.

"Lexi, I don't know what to say to her." Jay whispers, standing at the top of Emma's stairway.

"You'll figure it out." Alex keeps her same tone, folding her arms across her chest. She gives him a reassuring look.

"If you haven't noticed, I'm a guy; we don't figure many things out, unless it's sexually related." Jay tries to lighten the situation that Alex is trying to push him into, but she doesn't budge.

* * *

**Emma's point of view**  
I don't know how long I have been standing at the mirror, but I heard someone come downstairs. I don't bother to turn my head, I just figure its Lexi. "I'm fine Lexi; I don't really wanna talk though." 

"Nice tattoo." Jay leans onto the railing as he stares at my chest, where my tattoo is.

That is not Alex. Still looking in the mirror, I face Jay. I let go of my shirt, allowing it to cover up my previously exposed chest. "Sorry, I thought you would be Lexi."

"Nope, she's pawning me off on you." Jay slightly shakes his head, probably because of whatever Jay and Alex have been talking about.

"Why?" I know Lexi wants me to give Jay a chance, so I am guessing that that is why she keeps sending him down to me, but I ask anyway.

"Uh, no special reason." Jay places his hand on the back of his head. I just look at him. He seems… kinda nervous, weird huh? "Stop staring at me."

"Oh, sorry." I turn away from the mirror and sit on my bed. I pull my legs as close to me as I can, resting my chin on my knees. I miss Elizabeth, I miss my baby. A tear escapes from my eye, rolling down my cheek.

"No, don't cry again, please." Jay sounds sweet. I know I must be making him extremely uncomfortable. I feel bad that he us just stuck here with me, when he obviously came to hang out with Alex.

"I'm sorry. You should go back upstairs." I speak pretty softly. I wipe my cheek, and try not to cry anymore, more for Jay's case then for mine.

"You wanna kick me out of your room?" He asks quizzically, but I can hear that slight joking tone of his in his voice.

"No, it's not that at all. You came here to hang out with Alex, and once again I'm monopolizing all the time. Go upstairs, you two should go do something, hang out with friends, or whatever." Another tear escapes, I automatically wipe it away.

"With all that's going on with you, it's not a problem. I don't mind." Jay says it as if he is… sincere. Is it possible for Jay to be sincere?

"That's sweet, but it's unfair to both you and Alex. I'm just gonna go." I get up, and head towards my window. Before I am able to pick up my sneakers, I feel a strong hand hold me back.

"Where are you going?" Jay asks, not removing his hand. "You can't just leave."

"I'm just gonna go long enough for me to clear my head, and for you and Alex to do something, have fun or whatever. I don't have anything now that Lizzy is gone." I look down at the floor. I feel vulnerable and depressed, I hate the feeling.

"Come on, don't talk like that. You have the greatest parents I've ever met, trust me, and you have Lexi, and again, trust me. If Lexi had a problem with something she would just come out and say it. Now, you aren't going anywhere." Jay is so, dare I say it, sweet. I can tell he is trying to be nice, but he shouldn't.

Jay is being incredible, but I can't help but to think he just might be wrong. I still don't have my daughter. "What if he doesn't give her back to me?" That accidentally came out of my mouth. I wanted it to stay in my head, the fact that I am beyond worried about Elizabeth. I can't stop myself from crying. "I'm sorry." Jay must have asked me at least two or three times today to stop crying.

"Will you stop apologizing to me?" Jay pulls me a little closer to him. I involuntarily tense up, and I know Jay feels it too. He continues to hold me, but the feeling of this tight hug doesn't remind me of how I felt when I was with Mike. I bury my head into his chest and continue to cry over my little Lizzy. I just want her back. I bring myself to stop crying, but Jay doesn't let go, and to be honest, part of me doesn't want him to. "You done getting my shirt all wet?"

I look up at him and slightly chuckle. "Yeah, sorry."

* * *

"Aw, look how cute you two are together." Lexi says, walking a little closer to us. Jay instantly lets go of me and takes a step backwards, as do I. "Hey, don't pull apart on my account. What's going on here?" 

"She was crying again, that's all." Jay says kinda fast. "I gotta get to work." And with that said, Jay walks up the stairs, taking two at a time.

"I think I embarrassed him." Alex laughs. "So what really happened?"

"I started crying, he hugged me, and that's it." I try to keep it simple, because that's what it was… simple. Jay only hugged me so I wouldn't leave, because I was upset, because he feels sorry for me… simple.

"Jay doesn't just hug people." Alex sits down on her bed and shrugs. I wouldn't know if Jay hugs people or not, but I guess Alex would know.

"He hugged you all the time." I sit on my bed, facing Alex, and stay very matter-of-factly. She can't possibly argue with me now.

"Yeah, but he was getting some." Alex says, very nonchalantly. I can't believe she just said that, and it didn't even faze her. I guess she still can possibly argue with me.

"Nice way to put it Lexi." I roll my eyes and she just shrugs.

We settle down, and Alex finally drops the whole Jay subject. I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to relax, with the help of Lexi. We tried to keep my mind busy, on anything but the time. I guess I must have fell asleep, because all of a sudden its 6:12. I sit up; Lizzy should have been back twelve minutes ago. I see mom sitting where Lexi sleeps.

"Where is she?" I ask, kinda frantically. It hit me, all of a sudden, Elizabeth should be home. Why would mom be sitting there, so poised, if something wasn't wrong?

"Sweetie, just breathe… she isn't here, yet." Mom tries to stay relaxed, knowing full well that I am going to cry.

"What do you mean she's not here? He was supposed to bring my daughter back at six!" My voice slightly raises an octave or two, on its own. I have to breathe; otherwise I am going to start hyperventilating.

"I know sweetie, maybe there's traffic, or he's running late. Just stay calm." Mom gets up and walks over to me. Yet again, I am crying. Where is my daughter? Who does he think he is? He can't just do whatever he pleases, not with my baby.

**Meanwhile…**  
Jay decides to take his break. He gets in his car and drives to Emma's house, wanting some of the leftovers from before. Jay knocks on the front door, greeted by Alex.

"What's up?" Alex asks, stepping aside as Jay enters the house.

"I'm on break." Jay helps himself to the kitchen and takes out the leftovers. He makes himself a plate, almost as if he is in his own kitchen, moving around flawlessly.

"I'm glad you've made yourself feel at home." Alex says to him sarcastically as she settles into one of the kitchen chairs. As she watches Jay, help himself to Emma's house, she can't help but think about how at home she feels.

"Shut up Lexi." Jay says, quick and short, and not at all snide. It is almost as if it didn't even faze him.

The two turn around when they see Spike coming up the basement stairs. "She's hysterical, which is understandable, but I hate seeing her like this." Spike shakes her head as she sits down at the table. Jack comes bounding down the stairs, with Snake following. Snake rubs Spike's shoulders, trying to soothe both himself and Spike. "Oh hi Jay."

"What are you doing here?" Snake asks him, truly curious as to why he is in his house, again, for the second time today.

"I'm on a lunch break from work, just thought I'd stop by for a little." Jay feels a little put on the spot, since Snake doesn't like him. Even though he has good reason not to like him, Jay feels that Snake hasn't let anything go at all.

"Hi Jay," Jack is all smiles. He looks around at how serious everybody's face is. Jack immediately frowns, like everyone else.

"Hey little guy," Jay says back to him, between mouthfuls. He has taken quite a liking to Jack, even though he isn't too great with kids.

"Did I do something bad?" Jack fiddles with his fingers, looking up at his mom, and at how incredibly defeated she looks.

"No Jack, you did nothing wrong, Emma is just upset." Spike reassures him. Jack begins to look sad like everyone else, even though he doesn't totally comprehend what is going on.

Jay finishes his food, rinses out the dishes and walks outside. He takes a seat on the top step. He has gone into his own world, running little scenarios though his head, but was brought out of it five minutes later when he heard a baby crying. Jay stands up, locks eye contact with Mike, and proceeds towards him. They meet each other a couple houses away from Emma's. "I'm going to assume that you're the kid's father."

"Yeah, take her. I can't stand the fucking crying anymore." Mike thrusts Lizzy into Jay, forcing him to hold her. "She wouldn't stop crying the entire time." Mike sighs, and Jay just stares at him. If he can't handle it, why did he bother pushing the whole custody thing on Emma in the first place?

* * *

As soon as Jay does his best to cradle the little baby in his arms, she looks up at him and stops crying. Jay shifts her, so her head in resting on his shoulder. He holds the back of her head, and tries not to raise his voice too much so he doesn't end up yelling in Lizzy's ear, or making her cry. "I have no idea what happened between the two of you, and honestly I don't think I want to know, but whatever it is let it go. Emma has been crying her eyes out since you pushed this stupid custody thing on her. Your own kid doesn't even like you, so do them both a favor and drop the damn visitation rights, and leave them the fuck alone." Jay keeps his face and tone serious. He wonders how scary he can possibly be while holding a baby. 

Mike drops the diaper bag on the ground and walks away in the direction he came, not even bothering to answer Jay. Jay tries his best to keep a grip on Lizzy, since he is not great at the whole baby thing. He picks up the diaper bag and is about to go back to Emma's house when he sees someone who is way too familiar. He takes a look at his surroundings, realizing he can't escape the situation, and he knows he has to give Lizzy back to Emma as soon as possible. He shifts Lizzy back, so she is once again cradled in his arms.

"Aww, she is so cute. Here put your arm here and the two of you will be more comfortable." She moves his arm to better comfort the baby in Jay's arm, which in turn really does make it easier on him.

"Um, thanks." Jay looks at her quickly, hoping that she won't ask him too many questions. He gently rocks back and forth, out of his own nervous behavior, in turn, comforting Elizabeth as he hears her make a little 'coo' sound

"So, you have a kid?" Manny looks from Lizzy to Jay, giving him a semi-skeptical look.

"No," He looks down at Lizzy. Jay isn't the father of this beautiful little angelic baby in his arms.

"Yeah, she doesn't really look like you." Manny takes another look at the little girl, and sounds quite sincere.

"Probably because she's not mine." Jay wants to get that point across, because he really doesn't want to deal with anymore rumors at Degrassi. He tries not to come off arrogant or anything, just states it as a simple fact.

"Okay, this has been awkward enough, later." Manny gives a tiny smile and keeps walking. Jay looks after her, making sure she isn't watching him, or doesn't turn around. He walks back into Emma's house, surprising Spike, Snake, and Alex.

"How did you get Elizabeth?" Snake asks, giving Jay a confused look. Snake isn't quite sure how he feels about Jay hanging out at his place of residence so much. He's noticed the change in Jay's behavior, but it was all so weird to him.

"Some guy gave her to me. Um, so do you want her?" Jay tires to change the subject quick, or let them take Lizzy from him. He is extremely uncomfortable.

"I think you should bring her down to Emma." Spike tells him. Snake looks at his wife with an are-you-sure look, but she just nods.

* * *

Jay heads to Emma's room, looking at the clock on the stove as he passes the kitchen. He has to get back to work in twenty minutes. He quietly heads down the stairs, praying that the baby in his arms doesn't start crying. He looks down at her to see her smiling up at him, waving her arms around as she grasps his t-shirt. He looks up; Emma is facing away from him. He sets the diaper bag down on her dresser. "Emma?" He questions lightly, trying to make sure he doesn't scare her. 

**Emma's point of view**  
"I don't feel like talking." My voice is emotionless. I don't even bother turning to face Jay, I don't even move at all. I miss Elizabeth.

"Just turn around." Jay's voice is a little more firm, like he knows that I will listen to him… and I guess he's right.

I reluctantly roll over, "Lizzy!" I get out of bed, take her from Jay's arms and look her over. After making sure she isn't hurt or anything I hug her, kiss her, and tell her how much I love her, all the while Lizzy's smile never leaves her face. I look up at Jay and smile. I turn around, set Lizzy in her playpen and turn back to Jay. Surprising myself, I fling myself onto Jay, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Thank you," I whisper, still hugging him.

Jay places one hand on my back and chuckles a little. "No problem, but I can't breathe."

"Oh, sorry." I say sheepishly. "Why did you bring her down?" I take a step back from him, slightly embarrassed at my behavior.

"I was outside when the guy, father, uh whatever, was walking down the street with her. Oh, I also saw Manny, she thought she was mine, but I didn't tell her anything, well besides that she isn't mine."

"Thank you, I was so worried about her." I hug him again, this time not squeezing him as hard. I really don't know why I am hugging him, I mean he brought Lizzy down, but… well I don't truly know.

"He won't be bothering you anymore." Jay says in a low tone. I take a step back and look at him. What does he mean by that? "Um, I have to get back to work, bye."

"But-" I stop talking. Jay has already gotten up the stairs. What did he mean by 'he won't be bothering you anymore'? I turn back to Elizabeth, totally ecstatic that she is safe. She picks up a rattle, still with a smile on her face. I pick her up, along with a few of her toys, and sit on my bed. I turn to Alex, who is walking down the stairs. "Hey,"

"Well someone finally has a smile on their face." Lexi smiles, and sits down next to me, picking up one of Lizzy's rattles.

"Maybe I may have been just a little, just a tad bit overdramatic, but Elizabeth is everything to me." I smile as I play with her; she grasps one of her toys.

"I know that, and I get it. You have me, your mom, Mr. S, Jack… and Jay…" Alex lets her voice trail off, and she adverts her eyes from mine.

"What about Jay?" I ask her as a lightly throw Lizzy over my head, making her giggle.

"I saw you with him today…" Once again, Alex lets her voice trail off. Why isn't she being blunt like she usually is?

"Yeah and…?" I really don't get what Alex is talking about. I put Lizzy down, allowing her to grab my finger in her hand, all the while, still smiling.

"Emma, you like him." Lexi states, with that look on her face, the one that says and-you-better-not-tell-me-otherwise.

"Lexi, we've been over this. Jay has really been great, especially for not telling anyone, even after dealing with Manny who thought Elizabeth was his. You know how much of a gossip she can be, so I'm just waiting for a rumor to spread. Anyway, Jay and I have nothing going on." As I say this to Alex, I am trying to convince myself about this, just as much as I am trying to convince Alex.

"I know, but you should have something going on." Alex states this like… well like I can actually date or something. Is she crazy?

"I'm not just going to go sleep with him." I reply to Alex, very matter-of-factly, because I'm not, at all, I can't picture myself doing something like that, after my first time being so horrible.

"That is not what I meant." Alex is very gentle, yet serious at the same time. I wonder how she is able to pull that off.

"No offense here, but that is the type of girl Jay dates. Okay, well you weren't like that, which is why he cheated on you, but-" I stop as Lexi decides to cut off my rambling.

"But, he's different now. After I dumped him, part of him realized what he was doing was wrong. He still has some of his old Jay ways, but just give him a chance." Alex looks and sounds totally sincere. She has such a soft spot for him.

"Why are you persistent about this?" I ask, looking her intently in the eye. She really is harping on this subject.

"Jay may be selfish at times, and I know he cheated on me, but he was still the only person that was there for me when I needed him. This is what friends do, right?"

"Right, but… I don't know Lexi." I know I sound really hesitant, but I don't want to disappoint Lexi so I can't just say 'no'.

"Just think about it, that's all I'm asking." Alex pulls her hands in front of her, holding them in the air, motioning with them. I just cannot tell her 'no'.

"Fine, if it will make you happy… and shut up." I smile at Lexi. We both settle down. I do not want to go to school tomorrow, not at all. I give Lizzy a bath, a bottle, and put her to sleep. I stand over her crib for a while, just watching her sleep.

I couldn't sleep. I just sat up, occasionally watching Elizabeth.


	13. Chapter 12

Now, it is morning, I just dropped of Lizzy at daycare, and now I am at school. Today is going to be a long day. I'm pretty happy that I only have to attend school for half a day. 

"Emma, hey, what's up?" Manny asks, in her usual cheery-ness.

"Um, not too much, how about you?" I ask back, trying not to push her away, because I honestly miss talking to her.

"Same, same, so I saw Jay yesterday with the most adorable little girl." She starts. I guess I better stop this before the rumor spreads.

"Jay doesn't have a kid." I say sternly, yet soft enough so she doesn't think I'm being mean or something.

"Yeah, that's what he said; I wonder whose it was." Manny seems truly curious, but that is her nature.

"He was just helping out a friend." I say it as casually as I possibly can, and try not to smile like my mouth wants to… for a reason unknown to me.

"That doesn't sound like Jay. It was so weird to see, ya know?" She turns her attention back on me as her question ends. She is still as bubbly as ever.

"Yeah, I guess, but I've gotten to know Jay, so it's not too weird for me. Oh, sorry to cut this short, I have to get to work." I give her a small smile and a wave and I had out of Degrassi. I miss having Manny to talk to. I wonder what would happen if I told her. She would have to be mad, only because I chose not to tell her. I guess that's something I won't know until I actually tell her. Anyway, I can't sit and ponder that now; I have to get to work. I chose to take an early shift today because I have tutoring with Jay today, since this weekend wasn't, well a good one. I just want to work, and get home to spend some time with Elizabeth.

* * *

Work was long, and I ended up working a couple extra hours. Thankfully, mom picked up Lizzy when she got home from work. I would have hated to leave her in daycare for that long. I take a quick shower right after I walk in toe door. I have a couple hours before Jay comes over. I get out of the shower, put on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt, and pick up Lizzy. I sit down on my bed as Lexi walks into our room.

"Hey," I say to Lexi... I'm in a good mood right now, only due to Lizzy's smiling face. "What are you up to today?" I ask, truly interested in Alex.

"Work, I am in desperate need of money, so I stop mooching of you." She has a slight joking-ness in her voice, but I can tell she is pretty serious.

"Oh, Lexi, you know you can stay as long as you need." I tell her, because in truth, I wouldn't mind if she stays longer.

"Yeah, yeah, but I'm not staying right now since you have a little 'tutor date' with Jay." Alex gains her playful smile back. I have been waiting for her to bring up Jay.

"Don't start that Lexi." I give her a demanding look. I sit Lizzy down in her bouncer and take out my homework.

"I'm not… only because I have to go. Have fun tonight, and don't blow him off." Lexi states as she walks up the stairs.

She thinks she's so hilarious. I do not blow Jay off, okay, well maybe a little, but it is not done purposely. Speaking of which, Jay is coming down now.

"Hey," I say, motioning for him to sit on the bed. Jay walks towards me as he speaks.

"Your parents must really trust you, since they let me down here all the time." Jay makes himself comfortable, sitting up on my bed, leaning against the wall.

"I think they're okay with you." I say. I know my mom likes him… actually she is quite fond of him, I don't know why though, not that I think Jay isn't a good guy. Snake on the other hand is a different story, I don't think he is as okay with Jay as mom is.

"It's just weird, since I'm the 'bad boy of Degrassi'." He rolls his eyes as he talks about himself, but slightly grins too. I know he likes everyone being afraid of him.

"Sorry to burst your bubble Jay, but I think you left the stereotype awhile ago. Now, get out your homework." I help Jay, and do my homework, in between taking care of Lizzy. Almost two hours later, we're done with Jay's homework, and some extra help, and I am extremely tired. "Sorry about having to do this at night."

"No problem, I need the grades."

"You wanna stay, watch a movie or something?" I ask, not looking at him. I continue writing in my notebook, trying to complete my homework.

"Yeah, sure. Do you want your bed?" Jay asks looking at me. I think he might be, um, not exactly nervous, but a step or two below it.

"No, we can share. You don't mind Lizzy, right?" I just want to be sure he's comfortable, or something… I mean, Jay is so not the 'I'm okay being around a girl and her kid, without getting anything out of it' type.

"Um, no," Jay says, sounding a little unsure. I don't really know how to take that, I mean I totally understand why he wouldn't be okay with it, it's just weird.

I turn on the TV, flicking through the channels until I find a descent movie. I look down at Lizzy, who is sitting on my lap.

"It's weird, isn't it?" I look up at him, with a pure look, trying to tell him that his honest answer won't bother me.

"What is?" He asks me, maybe knowing what I'm talking about, or maybe not… I have yet to figure out how to tell if he is lying or not.

"Me having a kid," I say to him, trying not to sound… um, obvious or snooty. I would really like to know what he thinks about it, since he's practically with me everyday.

"Yeah, a little, but you're good at it." He sounds like he's telling the truth, and Jay didn't just say 'no', because if he did, then I definitely wouldn't have believed him.

"Thanks. You mind if I lay down?" I wonder why I'm asking Jay if I can lay on my own bed. I also wonder why I asked him to stay; I mean we did all his work first, so he really has no reason to.

"Go for it, it's your bed." That is a total Jay answer. It isn't said in a mean or sarcastic tone, just out right.

I surprise myself, once again, my placing my head on Jay's lap. I pick up my book, to finish reading my assignment. Jay doesn't move, or say anything; he just continues watching the TV.

* * *

**Out of Emma's point of view**  
Emma finished her assignment and had fallen asleep, still with her head in Jay's lap. He looks down at her for a minute, but then turns his attention to Lizzy as she starts to stir. Jay doesn't really know what to do, but he doesn't want to wake up Emma. He picks up Elizabeth, doing his best to shush her as he tries to cradle her in his arm. Lizzy doesn't cry, she looks up at him for a brief moment, with a sleep look on her face, and then closes her eyes. A couple minutes later Spike walks down.

"Um, I don't want to wake them, but I should be getting home." Jay says in a low tone, making sure he doesn't move. He really doesn't know what to do, how on earth did he get himself in this position?

"This looks so adorable. Just stay there, for one moment, I want a picture." Spike goes back up and comes down with her camera. Much to Jay's protest, Spike takes two shots of her little sleeping beauties. "Jay, thank you for being here." She smiles at him and puts the camera down on Emma's dresser.

"What did I do?" Jay asks, still whispering. He looks down at his arms, where Elizabeth is, and then past her to where Emma is laying, but quickly looks back up at Spike.

"Emma is coming out of her shell a bit more. After everything that has happened to her, I thought she would never get close to another boy." She smiles at Emma as she talks to Jay. Spike can't help but think that her daughter just might like him, and maybe vice versa.

"But, we… I mean, I'm not… we aren't-" Jay is a little tongue-tied, not sure of how or what to say. He feels extremely stupid for getting so flustered in front of Emma's mother, but he can't help it. It is as if his mouth was moving before his brain could catch up.

"Oh, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to put you on the spot. Here, let me take Lizzy from you. How did you get yourself in this position anyway?" Spike tries to change the subject, after seeing how embarrassed she made Jay, even though Jay doesn't really know what he is feeling. Spike definitely knows that he at least likes Emma a little bit. She smiles to herself as she picks up Lizzy and puts her in her crib.

"Emma layed down, and then she was sleeping." Jay answers the question sweet and short, making sure he didn't get confused, and that he knew what words were going to come out of his mouth.

"I knew she was working herself too hard. With Lizzy, school, and work, she never gives herself a break. Well, I guess we'll have to wake her up so you can get to your own house. I think I'll leave you to do that." Spike smiles again as she turns to walk back up the steps.

"But-" Jay stops. Spike has already gone up the steps. He looks down at Emma. How is he supposed to wake her up? He takes a second, but decides to put his hand on her head, gently stroking her hair. "Emma…" He whispers. He waits, hoping she heard him, and less then a few seconds later she stirs.

Emma opens her eyes lazily and looks up at Jay. "Oh, I'm sorry. Where's Lizzy?" Emma sits up, noticing that Lizzy is not on the bed with them anymore.

Jay hears the slight worry in her voice. "She's in her crib. Sorry to wake you, but, um, it's kinda late, and I should be heading back to my place."

"Right, sorry again." Emma smiles sheepishly and rubs the back of her neck for a minute. She looks over at the crib to see Elizabeth sleeping so peacefully.

"No problem." Jay gets up, gathers his stuff, shoving it in his bag, and he just looks at Emma for a second. Something must have taken over his mind, because he couldn't peel his eyes away from her.

"So, um, I get my work schedule tomorrow, so we'll compare and figure out our next tutoring session?" Emma asks him, twirling her hair with her finger, suddenly a little nervous.

"Yeah, see ya tomorrow." Jay says, and then walks up the steps.

I stop playing with my hair. I cannot believe I fell asleep, let alone on him. Well at least I slept for a little, since I've hardly been getting any. I can't tell anyone that though. I don't want mom or Snake to know I am having trouble sleeping. Aww, Lizzy's crying. Walking over to her crib, I see her, with her arms up, wailing her little heart out. My poor baby, I wish there was a way for her to tell me exactly what she needs. It must suck that the only thing she can do is cry.

"Hey, Emma, your mom just told me the cutest thing." Alex says from the top of the stairs. I can hear the smile in her voice, so it must be good news.

"And that would be?" I ask, turning my attention to her, just as she hits the last stair.

"You and Jay… and your mom even got a picture." Alex replies, with a I-knew-it smile on her face. What does she mean 'a picture'?

"What are you talking about?" I ask, clearly confused. Jay and I haven't taken any pictures. I don't even know where my camera is at.

"Apparently you fell asleep on Jay, and your mom took a picture." Lexi tells me, still smiling.

I walk over to the stairway. "Mom!" I yell, "Why on earth would you take a picture of me sleeping?" I ask as I see her lean against the doorway at the top of the stairs.

"On Jay…" Alex chimes in. I turn around and shoot her a look. These people are out to get me.

"Sweetie, you two just looked so adorable and speaking of which I left my camera on your dresser." Mom says, giving me her 'mom look' and I couldn't push the issue. However, I could take her camera and erase the picture. I reach over for the camera, but Lexi must have caught on because she grabs it super quick.

"Uh-uh, you are so not erasing the picture." Alex meets mom halfway up the stairs and hands the camera over to her. Mom takes it and walks back up the stairs and into the kitchen. "Now, I want to hear all about it." Alex states to me, settling herself on the bed.

"We were working on the school work, and I guess I fell asleep." I say, shrugging it off. I don't even know what happened, so how am I supposed to tell Lexi?

"How is it that your head ended up in his lap?" She asks, raising her eyebrows, truly enjoying this moment.

"Um, I guess I was using him as a pillow, I don't really remember how we were sitting." That is kinda true. I honestly don't know what possessed me to lay my head in his lap. "Lizzy is up, but she's pretty quiet, so I'm gonna take a quick shower." I walk into the bathroom, and close the door halfway. Luckily for me, Alex didn't say anything before I made it in here.

* * *

**Meanwhile: upstairs… out of Emma's point of view**  
"I'm not really sure I like this too much." Snake states, cleaning up Jack as he sits at the table. He wipes off Jack's messy face, and gets to work on the table.

Spike turns to him, after placing another dish into the sink. "Honey, there is nothing to be worried about." She tries to reassure her husband.

"What do you mean I shouldn't be worried, I know more about it then you, and people don't just change on a whim." Snake says, not looking up from the mess he is cleaning up on the table.

"Archie, Jay is a good boy. Look at how much Alex changed. I have to say I love having her here." Spike replies as she finishes washing the dishes. She dries her hands off on a rag and walks to the table.

"I'm not so sure. Alex is different, and Jay… he is just Jay." Snake tells her, standing up to throw the paper towels away. He looks up at her.

"He hasn't done anything wrong Archie, just give him a chance. Alex is so fond of him, after all they've been through, and they are the best of friends. he's been good to Emma, and I think he might even like her." Spike says, almost smiling as she picks up Jack. She walks out of the kitchen.

Snake follows her up the stairs, to Jack's room to put him to bed. "You are not going to allow them to see each other, are you?" Snake asks, clearly not convinced that Jay is a descent person.

"Emma is no where near ready to date, but they are allowed to be friends. I am not going to tell Emma who she can and cannot talk to. Honey, you are taking this all too seriously, just watch them together, watch how nice Jay is to Emma, and you'll see the difference in him." Spike lays Jack down and gives him a kiss goodnight. Snake follows suit, and the two proceed to their own room. Snake drops the subject for now, not sure what else to say, or even think.

**Back downstairs… in Emma's point of view**  
I get out of the shower; walk back into my room in my towel. Lexi is sitting on the bed watching TV, even though she doesn't really look like she's paying much attention to it. I start to go through my drawers, for some pajamas, when Alex finally notices me… I guess anyway.

"Well, well, well, wouldn't Jay just love this." Lexi says, smirking at me. She rolls over so she is now on her stomach, kicking her legs up in the air, crossing them at her ankles.

"He wouldn't love to see me in a towel, and would you stop bringing him up." I tell her. Why would Jay want to see me in a towel? That is just absurd. I slip on my pajamas, not removing my towel until my clothes are on. I hang it up on the hook and walk over to Lizzy.

"Oh, right, he would love to see you period." Lexi still keeps that little smirk of hers on her face. "When's the next time you're gonna see him?"

"I don't know, I don't have my work schedule yet." I look at Lizzy, she's fussing a little, but I shouldn't pick her up. In order not to pick her up I go to my bed, pick up my reading book, and try to concentrate on it. I hate books we have to read for school.

"Well, be sure to tell me how your next 'tutor session' goes, night." Alex rolls over, gets herself situated and closes her eyes. I'm kinda thankful that she is so tired from work; otherwise she would question me all night. Maybe I can get more then a couple hours of sleep tonight.


	14. Chapter 13

Not likely… I woke up, just in time to hear Elizabeth cry. I pick her up, bouncing her a little before laying her back down, onto my bed. I change her diaper, and slip her back into her pajamas. Lizzy starts to fall asleep before I put her in her crib. Could it hurt to let her sleep in the bed with me? Mom keeps telling me not to keep picking her up and what not, so she doesn't become spoiled. I guess I should put her back into her crib. A few hours until I have to wake up for school… what should I do? Well I can't really do anything in my room, because I don't want to wake up Alex, so I'll… clean the bathroom. My, well now our, since Lexi is living here, bathroom needs a good cleaning anyway. 

Two and a half hours later I have my bathroom clean, and the kitchen. I pick up Lizzy, give her a bath, get her dressed, and make her a bottle. I go back downstairs to wake up Lexi, and once I'm sure she is actually up I go back upstairs.

"Morning sweetie," Mom says, pouring herself I cup of coffee that I made. "Thanks for making coffee." She blows on it as she leans on the kitchen counter.

"No problem, I was in here anyway." I say, motioning to Lizzy, since my hands are full with her, and her bottle.

"Something looks… different in here." Mom points out, looking around the kitchen.

"It's probably nothing. You should get going, I can take Jack today." I tell her, hoping she doesn't realize that I cleaned the kitchen.

"Thank you Em, I'll be home for dinner." Mom put her cup in the sink and headed out. I guess Snake already left. I run upstairs to see Jack already dressed. He smiles up at me and we walk downstairs. I make him a bowl of cereal, put Lizzy in her swing, and wash out both the coffee cup and Lizzy's bottle.

"Ready to go?" Alex asks, hitting the top step and walking into the kitchen. "Did you sleep last night?" She asks, picking up an apple and looks at me.

"Um yeah, until Lizzy woke up… why?" I reply, keeping my tone normal as I dry off my hands. I take the bowl from Jack's hands that he brought to me, rinse it out and leave it in the sink. "We should be leaving now." I motion for Jack and Alex to follow me, and I grab Elizabeth on the way.

"No reason, just the bathroom is absolutely spotless. I got your bag." Lexi states, thankfully not in one of her I-think-something-is-up tones.

"Thanks, so Jack, you ready for school?" I ask him, trying to change the subject. Lexi doesn't really seem to notice.

"Yeah!" Jack exclaims, climbing into the back of the car as I buckle up Lizzy. "My seatbelt is broken." Jack says to me, looking puzzled.

"Here, it's twisted." I untwist the seatbelt, and click it for him. He settles back, kicking his legs a little. I close the door, and get into the driver side. I drop Jack and Lizzy off, sign them in, and drive off to school. I'm happy Lexi hasn't brought up the bathroom, or anything about Jay.

* * *

"You have work tonight?" Alex asks as we walk up the steps, she holds the door open for me.

"Yeah, right after I'm finished with school, so you can get a ride from Jay, right?" I ask, hoping she can, because otherwise I will feel bad.

"Yep, maybe we'll do something since I don't have work tonight, and he doesn't till later." She replies, kinda shrugging her shoulders.

"Okay, so I'll see you, probably around dinner if you're home. Have fun." I say in a little bit of a sarcastic tone. She just rolls her eyes as we head off in opposite directions. I love only having to come to school for half a day, even though I usually go straight to work.

* * *

Work… wow, don't get me wrong, I actually like my job, but it seems to be getting harder every time I get her. I like being manager, probably because I can get a bit bossy, and it keeps me so focused that my mind doesn't really have any time to travel. It does, however, makes me miss Elizabeth tons. I can't really complain though, I need the money, and the money is sufficient right now. I wouldn't mind doing something like this for the rest of my life. I get to touch base on both the fashion side and the business side, so I guess I would be happy doing something retail related. Its practical and I need something that I know I can do, so I know that I will always be able to take care of my child.

Six and a half hours later I'm home from work. Lizzy is in my lap while I try to do some of my homework. Snake is making dinner; mom and Jack are both in the kitchen with him. That must be nice, they are a family. They have the whole real mother, real father, son thing going. I love Elizabeth, and I love Mom, Snake and Jack, but sometimes I wish Lizzy would have that father figure in her life that I didn't have until Snake came along. I won't take anything I have for granted though, not my family, and especially not my daughter, even if what I went through was extremely horrible. I just wish my subconscious was as clear as I am when I'm awake. I'm tired of not being able to sleep, both figuratively and literally. Dinner time, have I mentioned that I'm not really too hungry either?

* * *

After dinner I came down to my room, with Lizzy of course. Mom and Snake went out for something or other, so Jack is sitting down here with me too, watching some cartoon. My books are opened and just as I start working on some more homework, since it's almost ten already, there's knocking on the door.

"Jack, stay put for a second, and please make sure Lizzy doesn't roll off the bed." I tell him, making sure he turns his attention away from the television before i go up to answer the door. It's Jay and Alex.

"She's a little… intoxicated." Jay says, helping Alex into the house. She smells like beer, surprisingly more than Jay does.

"Okay, um, help her downstairs. Alex, can you take a shower?" I ask her, hoping that the water will wake her up a bit. She nods at me, so I head down to my room first, followed by Alex and Jay. "There's the bathroom." I sit back down on my bed while Jay brings Alex into the bathroom. He starts the shower, I put her towel on the sink, and the two of us leave Lexi in the bathroom, with the door slightly open, just incase she happens to fall or something. "I take it you two had fun." I direct to Jay while trying to finish up an English assignment.

"Um, yeah I guess, Lexi had more fun then I did, apparently." He says, leaning against the wall.

"Oh, why's that? You can sit." I motion towards the bed as I move some stuff over, making room for him.

"Uh, I don't know…" Jay doesn't finish his sentence. I'm surprised Jay wouldn't have fun when drinking is involved.

"Well you have work tonight, right?" I ask, I'm pretty sure Lexi said something about him working.

"Yeah, graveyard shift." He states, not sounding too happy about it. Lizzy has been squirming around on the bed, and reaches for Jay's pant leg. He looks down at her.

"Sorry, she's in her I'm-going-to-grab-anything-I-can-reach stage. Graveyard shift, that sucks." I pick up Lizzy, and talk to her a little before laying her back down on the bed.

"Yeah, but money is money." Jay shrugs it off, still looking at Elizabeth. I look up at him for a second, before returning my attention to my work.

"Yeah, I'm pretty much working all week. Do you know when you have work this week?" I ask, looking through my stuff for my work schedule. I finally found it and I hand it over to him.

"Its cool you only have to go to school for half a day." He tells me, reading over the schedule. He's looking at it quite intently.

"Yeah, it's so I can be with Lizzy, but I usually work. I'm happy Mrs. H let me do it, even though the extra work is killer." I tell him, closing my English book and opening my math.

"I don't think we have off the same times, unless you can get tutor me at school. I have an English test on Friday, so…" He trails off, probably not wanting to pressure me into finding a way to make some time for him.

"I can stay later at school tomorrow, since I work tomorrow night. I'll talk to Mrs. H about getting you out of class for it, she'll possibly agree." I throw the idea out there, its better then nothing, right?

"Works for me… um, should Lexi be taking this long?" Jay asks. I almost forgot Lexi was here.

"I'm not sure, should you check on her or should I?" I know Jay and Alex still have a close relationship, even thought they aren't sleeping together anymore, but I don't know if either one of them is comfortable being around the other naked.

"Um… I guess you should…" Jay doesn't sound to sure, so I'm not going to make him check up on her. I get up and lightly knock on the door. Lexi says she's just drying off, and the long shower helped her wake up a bit.

"Thanks for helping me." Lexi says to both of us as she towel dries her hair. She walks over to her bag, pulls out some clothes, walks back into the bathroom and gets dressed. "Okay, so what's going on out here?" She asks, looking from me to Jay.

"Not much, just making conversation." I speak up first. I close my math book and start putting some of my stuff away, except for history. I get to work on my assignment, trying to keep myself busy.

"Uh-huh, so when's your next tutoring session." Lexi asks. This girl is just so determined for something to happen.

"Tomorrow," Jay states casually. He stands up, "I gotta get to work, later." Jay walks up the stairs; I can hear the front door open and close.

"So how are you today?" Lexi asks, with a hint of gossip in her voice. I shrug her tone off, knowing that she wants me to step out into the real world, which I just can't do yet.

"Fine I guess, but I see you had more fun then I did." I reply. I pick up Lizzy and get her ready for bed. As I lie her down in her crib, Alex gets comfortable in the bed of her own.

"I guess I did. I needed to relax, even though I don't really remember too much that happened tonight." Alex lays her head on her pillow and smiles to herself.

"Its good you're name isn't Amy then." I tell her, kinda laughing to myself. I watch Lizzy fall asleep before getting back on my bed to finish my history homework. An hour later I have finished my homework. I look at the clock, and it's almost twelve a.m. so I get up to take a shower. I bring pajamas into the bathroom with me, and close the door so I don't disturb anyone. I stay a little longer in the shower then I usually do, and pray that Lizzy doesn't wake up.


	15. Chapter 14

I finally am able to fall asleep, for a little anyway. I wake up around four, again with nothing to do. I take out my English book and decide to just read it; it can't hurt to be ahead, since there is nothing else for me to do. Around five I get up and do something that I have done in forever, I go for a run. It felt so good to be outside, running, with the cold air hitting my face whenever the wind blew. I wish I could do it more often. I got back home a little before six to see Alex up with Elizabeth. 

"I'm so sorry." I apologize to her for having to wake up when she didn't need to. I close the basement window, since I used it to go out, and took Lizzy from her.

"Where were you?" Alex asks, sitting Indian style on her bed.

"I woke up, so I decided to go for a run. I thought Lizzy would stay asleep, well I was really hoping. I miss running in the morning." I tell her, being as honest as I can, which is everything besides telling her that I can't sleep.

"Its fine, if you want to go running in the morning you can, I can watch Lizzy, just do it a little later please." She says, slightly smiling. I'm so happy she didn't push the issue.

"Okay, to make it up to you I'm going to make breakfast. What do you want? Pancakes, eggs, toast, and I'll even make bacon." I tell her. I need something to occupy me for an hour and a half anyway. Alex just nods as she lies back in her bed. I bring Lizzy upstairs with me and set her bouncer. I turn the music player off on it so she can't wake anyone else up. I just start cooking, six pancakes, some eggs, toast, and even bacon. Mom comes downstairs a half hour later.

"Wow it smells good in here." Mom smiles as she puts her bag down on the living room table and walks into the kitchen. "Why are you cooking, not that I don't appreciate it."

"I woke up a little while ago, and I went for a run, since I haven't in forever, but Lizzy woke up while I was gone, which woke Alex up, so in return I decided to make breakfast. Here, sit, sit, and I'll make you a plate." I pull three plates out of the cabinet. "Is Snake coming down?" I ask, as I make mom and Alex a plate.

"Yes, I am." Snake calls from the stairway. He walks into the kitchen, smiling. "Looks good," He kisses mom on the cheek, puts Jack in one of the chairs, and seats himself. I give mom and Snake their food, and take out two smaller plates for me and Jack. I give Jack his plate and call Alex up for breakfast. I'm surprised to see her shower and dressed, I thought she would have gone back to sleep, but I guess that's my fault.

* * *

Twelve p.m.: I talked Mrs. H into letting me use an empty classroom to tutor Jay, but she wants to see a remarkable difference in his grades. Jay and I sit down in the back and we started pulling out class work.

"Mr. S. keeps giving me some kind of evil eye or something. It's kinda creepy." Jay states. He pulls out his text book from his bag and then turns his attention to me.

"I'm sorry, I guess he's not used to this you." I tell him as I open up his text book while reading the paper with his assignment on it. Surprisingly, Jay is actually pretty good at math, when he tries anyway.

"What do you mean 'this you'?" Jay asks me, still looking at me. I meet his eyes for the first time since we came into the room.

"You know, the nice Jay who doesn't tease or torture me about caring for the environment. The Jay who doesn't spend his time stealing or getting himself into trouble." I answer him with a slight smile on my face. Its weird how all those things don't really bother me anymore. "Oh, and I found out that mom took a picture of us. I tried to erase it, but Lexi got to the camera before me."

"Yeah, you're mom was pretty persistent about taking a picture of you sleeping. I don't know why, and she actually took two or three I think." Jay leans in closer to me as he tells me how many pictures mom took of us.

I laugh a little, "I don't now why either. She's just weird I guess." I toss the pencil in my hand between my two fingers, and then watch it fall out of my hand, to the floor, between me and Jay. Not thinking anything of it, we both bend down to pick it up and end up bumping our heads. I look at him, semi-embarrassed and trying not to let it show.

Everything seems to stop. Both Jay and I stay bent over, with our hands on the pencil, and our heads just barely touching each others. I think our heads are moving closer to each others. Next thing I know, Jay's lips are on mine. What do I do? I don't know what to think, I mean I must have been a part of this, right? The kiss is simple: our mouths slightly open, no tongue, and not at all sloppy. We both sit up straight. I hold my pencil tightly in my hand. Um… what just happened?

* * *

"So, math…" I start explaining the lesson, never looking at him. Jay starts doing his assignment, while I work on my own homework. Every once in a while I check over his work. Jay finishes his assignment and we start working on English next. This subject is harder for Jay. After about an hour of explaining this novel to him, and him understanding some of it, we call it quits. I have to get to work so I can't stay forever. "So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." I pick up my bag and exit the classroom.

**Jay's point of view**  
I watch Emma leave the classroom. I sit back in the chair. Did I just kiss Emma? I'm pretty sure we kissed each other, right? The stupid pencil just had to fall onto the floor, better yet; it just had to fall onto the floor between us. It couldn't have just landed on the other side of her, or even the other side of me, that damn, stupid, freaking pencil. Alex is never going to let this go now.

**Emma's point of view**  
I'm trying to work, to keep my mind off of the fact that I kissed Jay. Oh, my, gosh, I… kissed… Jay. Great, just great… what does this mean now? Stupid freaking pencil, it just had to fly out of my hands, it just couldn't have stayed put, and just both had to reach for it. I can't do this, Jay can't do this. There is no way in hell that this could possibly work out. I can't think about this, I'm just going to work.

My shift is over, with no luck of getting Jay out of my head for more then ten or fifteen minutes. Elizabeth, now her smiling face can keep me focused. I pick her up from daycare and get home. I sit on my bed with Lizzy for a while before getting my homework out. I never thought I could be so content with myself while having a child while I'm still in high school. I honestly have to say that it is one of the best things that have happened to me, even under the circumstances in which I got her.

"Hey Em," Lexi sits down on her bed. I look over at the clock, it's almost eleven. "I went to the ravine with Jay and Towerz, and now I realize why people like you didn't go there. The people are ridiculous, and not to mention hideous, but it was fun making fun of them."

"Oh," I say to her, not looking up from my homework, unless it is for Lizzy. I can sense Alex looking at me. I think I might just have to tell her what happened today…

"What happened?" She asks. I sometimes hate that she knows me so well, just as well as Manny did.

"Um… well…today I… kinda…" Why is this so hard to spit out? Just tell her, tell her what happened. Just say 'I kissed Jay', how freaking hard is that?

"Spit it out." Lexi tells me. Great, now because of my stupid flustered-ness she knows something is up.

"I kinda kissed Jay." I say it super fast, which really doesn't actually work, it just makes me feel better that I got it out.

"Hold up," Lexi gets off her bed, sits on mine, with one leg under her, smiling. Great now I'm going to hear some kind of I-told-you-so thing. "You kissed Jay? When did that happen?"

"While we were tutoring… it just kind of… happened." I shrug a little and continue with my homework, almost as if I'm afraid to look up at her.

"You kissed him… I would have thought that he would have kissed you…" Alex trails off. I don't know if she's talking to me or just talking out loud.

"Well… we kind of kissed each other, I guess. I mean… it's not like I kissed him and he didn't kiss me back. It all happened to fast… I don't know." I shake my head; I'm giving myself a headache. I don't know what happened, and I really can't care. I have a kid, I don't have time to be analyzing some kiss… whether I liked it or not.

"He didn't tell me… all he did was drink, he barely talked all night." Alex is now shaking her head. I'm still not sure if she's talking out loud, or expecting me to answer. "I'm going to beat the crap out of him." Alex laughs a little. "I knew you liked each other."

"Whoa, whoa, hold on, we don't like each other." I tell her. We don't, I mean we can't, its just impossible… on all levels.

"Are you telling me that you just deciding to kiss him?" Alex asks, already knowing the answer to the question, so I didn't answer, "Jay likes you, as much as he doesn't want to, and I know you like him, even though you don't think you can."

"No Alex, I can't. You know how Jay is, and I, I can't be like that. Kissing him today made me realize how un-ready I am to be with someone after… Mike… I don't think I will be able to handle Jay's… outrageous, for lack of a better word, behavior. We are just so different. Plus, I have a little girl, and she is my world, and I can't put a relationship before her. I am not ready to be with someone." I take a deep breath and sigh.

Lexi looks at me sympathetically and drops the subject. I continue on with my homework and Elizabeth, and somewhere during that time, Alex fell asleep. I can't sleep; my head is too wound up. I let Lizzy sleep in my arms for a while before I put her in her crib. I might as well take a shower since I have nothing better to do, maybe the warm water will relax me so I can get some sleep…


	16. Chapter 15

School went by semi fast today… nothing major happened, and I haven't seen Jay. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Work is… well work. I didn't have a long shift today, so I'm looking forward to just picking up Elizabeth and going home. I pull up to the daycare center, park my car, and head inside.

"Hi, I'm here to pick up Elizabeth." I tell the lady behind the desk, she must be new because she's not usually the person sitting behind there.

"I'm sorry, someone already picked her up." She tells me after look at the sign out sheet. There must be some kind of mistake.

"Someone came to pick up Elizabeth Nelson?" I ask her and she nods. "Who?" I inquire. She looks down at the sheet and then back up at me, like I'm supposed to know.

"Her father," She states. Her father… what… Mike shouldn't have been able to sign her out. I am going to break this lady's neck.

"What do you mean her father?" I yell at her, "He doesn't have permission to sign her out; he's not on her emergency card. Only three people are allowed to pick up my daughter, me, my mother, and my father." The lady looks shocked. I must have been yelling pretty loud because someone came over to us.

"Hi, I'm the supervising manager today, what is the problem?"" She asks me. She looks nice, but I'm too upset to be rational right now.

"Someone signed out my child, who was not allowed to. He was not one of her contacts on her emergency card." I tell her, trying to lower my voice.

"Oh, I'm so sorry; she's new and must not have known. Do you know who signed her out, or should I call the police?" She asks me, looking quite stressed after being presented with this situation.

I shake my head, "No, I got it. From now on, my mother, father and I, the people actually on Elizabeth's emergency card, are allowed to sign her out, otherwise there will be a problem." I leave the daycare center and race home. I know I must have Mike's number somewhere. I search for what feels like eternity, but I finally found it and frantically dial the number. He says hello, knowing it's me, I can tell by the tone in his voice. "I want my daughter right now!" I tell him.

"Em, I know things have been bad, but this is the only way I could think of to get you to talk to me." He replies, staying calm. I can faintly hear Lizzy crying in the background.

"Its Emma, now bring my daughter back here right now!" I yell at him. I have no idea what is going though his head right now, but he clearly isn't stable. "I swear if you don't bring her back right this second I am calling the cops."

"Okay, I'm getting in my car now, but when I get there, just let me talk." He has a pleading tone in his voice. I don't answer him, I hang up the phone. Part of me wants to throw it across the room, but that wouldn't be rational. I slip it into my pocket and go upstairs and outside to sit on the porch steps. Finally I see Mike pull up. I jump down, over three or four steps, and walk to his car. I pull Lizzy out. I smile when she automatically stops crying after I cradle her in my arms.

"How do you do that? She never stops crying." He says, leaning against his car, with his hands in his pockets.

I just look up at him, for a quick second, and then return my attention to Lizzy. "I love her, and she knows that, that's why." I keep my voice emotionless.

"Don't say that." He tells me, like he has power over what I say, not anymore… he has no power over me. "Look, I'm really sorry about everything that happened."

"You mean everything YOU did to me" I emphasize my words as the memories come flooding back. "I'm sure you are."

"I am, it shouldn't have gone down like that." He takes his hands out of his pockets and places them on my arms. I immediately jerk back.

"Do not touch me." I take another step back, "You're right, it shouldn't have been like that, it shouldn't have happened at all, but it did, and it was your fault." I look down at Elizabeth, and a smile automatically forms on my face.

"I'm trying to apologize and you aren't making it easier." He takes a step closer to me. I just shake my head at his words.

"I don't need to make it easy on you, you stole my virginity, you stole my virtue. I believe I was so skillfully deceived by good looks, some charm and a luminous lie, for the pain, and the lies, along with every time I had to cry, goodbye, and thanks for the memories." I walk away from him, until he grabs my arm. "I said do not touch me." I jerk my arm out of his grip, being careful not to lose Lizzy.

"Don't be sarcastic with me Emma," Mike says to me, like I care. "You don't get to just walk away." There he goes again, trying to blame this on me, has he ever taken the blame for anything he's done?

"I get to do whatever I want to do. You don't get to tell me what to do, not anymore, and not ever again. If you come near me or Elizabeth one more time I will get a restraining order." I go to turn back around, but I see Manny, great, just great.

"Emma, come on," Mike starts, but I cut him off. I see Manny walking over to me in the corner of my eye. I can't deal with the both of them at once.

"I meant what I said Mike, don't make me go through with it." Once again, my voice is emotionless. Manny stops when she is about a foot away from us and looks from him to me, and down to Elizabeth. Mike reluctantly gets back into his car as I hear Manny gasp. I hope this goes okay… "Hi" I say in an innocent voice.

Manny steps closer to me, looking from me to the little angel in my arms, "She's yours… she's adorable." Manny gently reaches out to touch Elizabeth's hand, which makes Lizzy instantly giggle. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't," I start, unable to finish. I always pictured how Manny would react, sometimes she'd take it well, other times not so much, but this is the real deal.

"You couldn't tell me, but you could tell Alex. We've known each other since forever, and then we just slowly drifted apart. You and Alex hated each other." Manny contemplates, but she sounds more confused then angry, which I am thankful for.

"Um, let's go inside." I motion her to come with me as I head up the porch steps. I set Lizzy in her swing and crank the knob. Finally, I settle myself across from Manny on the couch. Deep breath… "I didn't tell Alex… she just found out. I couldn't tell people, I couldn't face up to what happened to me. Lizzy was not planned, she was not an accident, but with my stance on life I couldn't just… abandon the little person that was growing inside me. It took four months for someone to notice, Lexi, and I finally told my parents and got some help. I got my life together; I needed to, for Lizzy, so I set my mind to do so. I got a job, I got counseling, I set Lizzy up with daycare, and now… here I am…" Another deep breath… that wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be.

"I'm so sorry," Manny looks at me with gloss-over eyes. Unexpectedly, she reaches over and hugs me tightly. "I'm sorry you had to go through that." She lets go of me, "Can I hold her?" Manny looks at Lizzy and I just nod my head. I pick her up out of her swing and give her to Manny. "Hi beautiful, I'm your Auntie Manny." Manny took Elizabeth's hand in hers, gently tickling her palm. "Does this mean we can be best friends again?"

I look at her and smile. "Of course, I never considered us not friends." I look down at my daughter, "But this means you can't tell anyone, at all." I watch Manny intently as she nods her head in agreement. Manny stays over and we just chit-chat about pretty much nothing, but cover all topics. A couple hours must have gone by because everyone started coming home. Mom and Snake were a little shocked to see Manny with me, playing with Lizzy, but went on about how it's good to have her over. I have to agree, I've missed Manny. I heard a car pull up out front and then saw orange, Jay… hopefully he is just dropping off Lexi. Nope, two seconds later they both enter the house. Alex stares closely at Manny.

"Hi Jay, Lexi, how was school and work?" I ask her, trying to break the tension that is forming. I try not to look at Jay more then I have to. Manny senses the tension, and turns her attention to me, and just then Elizabeth starts crying. Manny almost jumps, from not expecting Lizzy to cry. I take her from her, "I'm just going to get her a bottle. Lexi, don't stand in the doorway, this is your house too, let yourself in." I give her a small smile, trying to lighten the situation.

* * *

**Out of Emma's point of view**

"What are you doing here?" Alex asks Manny, slowly entering the living room. She leans against the wall, not letting her eyes off of Manny.

"Hi to you too." Manny states, trying not to give in to Alex's evil glare. "I was walking down the street when I saw Emma with Lizzy, and um, I can't remember his name, the father were, um, talking, if you were looking for the long version." Manny says the last bit with a bit of sarcastic-ness in her voice, showing Alex that she is not going to be afraid of her.

"What?" Jay asks, almost jumping from his relaxed standing position. Alex gave him a funny look, but then thought back to the conversation she and Jay had had. Jay told her about the whole Mike thing, and then Alex forced the 'kiss' thing out of him.

"What was he doing here?" Alex lightens up her eyes from the evilness she had been projecting to Manny. She too stands up straight, almost like she is worried about Emma. It more or less throws her for a loop, since Alex has never been the friendly type to anyone but Jay, and that was only sometimes.

"She didn't tell me, but he did back off, from whatever they were talking about." Manny tells her, trying to recall some of the words that Emma and Mike had shared with each other.

Spike leans her head into the doorway from the kitchen, "Hey guys, are any of you hungry, or have you already eaten? We all worked late today so I was just going to order pizza, is that good with you three?"

"Thanks Spike," Manny smiles over at her, loving that she is back in the Nelson-Simpson household.  
br 

**Emma's point of view**

I walk back into the living room, which is relatively quiet. I set Lizzy in her bouncer and just stand there quietly, not really sure what to do or say. Low and behold, Jack comes to my rescue.

"Look everybody, I got a new game!" Jack exclaims, extremely happy over his new game. "Someone want to play with me?" He looks around expectantly.

"I will Jack, I haven't seen you in forever, and I will love to play with you." Manny tells him, smiling while getting up form the couch. Jack grabs her hand and ushers her up to his room with him. I watch Jack and Manny leave the room… then there were three.

"What happened with Mike?" Alex asks, not beating around the bush. It seems like something is bothering her.

"He kinda picked up Lizzy from daycare, but he gave her back when I called him and yelled at him." I say it all in a rush, not wanting to dwell on the horrific experience of not knowing if Lizzy was okay or not. "I handled it, Lexi, really."

She just stood there, nodding her head a little. "So what's with Manny?" Lexi looks up at me, as well as Jay.

"She was kind of there while Mike was leaving, so I explained some things to her, and here we are." I shrug and let my hands fall to my sides. Why is there all this tension in the room? "Did I do something wrong or something?" I ask, looking alternately between Alex and Jay.

"No, um, I'm a little wound up from work, I'm going to take a shower." Alex left the living room and headed down to our room. I can hear her say hi to Snake and mom as she passes them. Part of me thinks that she left Jay and me alone in here on purpose.

"Um, hi…" I say nervously, not sure of where to go from here. He uncrosses his arms and puts his hands in his pockets, either uncomfortable or as nervous as I am. "Can we go outside?" I ask, and he walks out the front door. I follow, sitting beside him on the porch steps. "Is this going to be weird?" I ask, a little sheepishly, but trying to hide my nervousness.

"Um, I'm not sure. It was… I've never… experience something like that before so I don't know how this works." Jay has that slight joking-ness in his tone.

I keep my voice low, trying to figure out a way to explain what I want to say, "I, um, I don't regret that we kissed each other, and I get something like a little kiss wouldn't mean much to you… but after all that has happened to me with last year and all… I don't think I can get into a relationship, and you aren't the relationship type… and I know I'm rambling, so basically I think, until we are both ready and if we like each other, then we should try… something. Have I made any sense?" I'm a little embarrassed about my rant to Jay, especially since I don't even know if he likes me.

"Yeah," Jay nods his head. That's all he has to say? Now I feel, almost stupid. I just look over at him, slowly admiring his nonchalant personality. He turns his head before I realize he does, so we are now staring at each other, but I slowly try adverting my eyes. Jay slowly inches closer to me; he places his lips on mine softly. I keep my eyes closed as my mouth opens slightly on its own, kissing him back. He pulls away from me a few seconds later. I open my eyes and look at him. "I'll see you later." With that said Jay gets up and gets into his car, driving away from my house. I sit on the porch long enough to greet the pizza delivery guy. I smile up at him and yell for mom, since she's the one with the money, and I take the pizzas into the house.

* * *

Manny comes downstairs with Jack, and Alex comes up from the basement. We all take seats and help ourselves. Lexi hardly eats, I hardly eat, but everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves. I make a bottle for Lizzy, and set myself on the couch with her while everyone else, besides Alex, finish eating.

Manny sits by me on the couch. "Thanks for letting me in Em, I've really missed coming over." Manny gives me a smile. "We are going to do this more often?" She semi-asks and semi-demands. That's Manny for ya.

"Yeah, of course, I've missed you being here too." I give her a warm smile before turning my attention back to Lizzy, making sure I don't over feed her.

"Good, I should head home. I'll see you tomorrow. Night Lizzy," Manny gives me a half hug, so she doesn't squish Elizabeth, and kisses her on her head. Lizzy finishes with her bottle so I bring her downstairs to put her in her pajamas, and to just relax. Oh crap, I still have some homework to do.

Lexi comes downstairs with a plate of pizza. I look at her questionably, "Lexi, I something wrong?"

She looks at me, "No," Alex takes another bite, "What's going on with you and Manny. She is all of a sudden back in the picture?"

"Yeah, I guess so, why?" I ask, buttoning up the last few buttons to Lizzy's pjs.

"I don't know…" Alex trails off, staring down at her plate. This is un-Alex behavior.

"Lexi, you are still one of my best friends. Can you imagine me saying that a few years ago… weird, huh?" I try to lighten up the situation. "Once you and Manny get to know each other everything will be fine. Nothing is going to change between us." I look at her, trying to be reassuring, because I really mean what I said. She nods at me. "Okay, good, now give me a slice of pizza."

Alex hands one over and we spend the rest of the night talking, playing with Lizzy and doing homework. Elizabeth and Lexi fall asleep, so I finish up my homework and bring the dishes upstairs to wash and put away. I wish I could get a full night's sleep. I wonder if anyone has ever died of insomnia…


	17. Chapter 16

The next morning I cleaned our bathroom; my half of the room [trying hard not to disturb Alex; gave Lizzy a bath, changed, and fed her; made coffee; straightened up the kitchen, and got myself ready for school. After dropping Lizzy off at daycare, and being really apprehensive about it, Lexi and I got to school. We went our separate ways, her off to class, and me to my locker. I was just fishing around in it when Jay came over.

"Yo," Jay leans on the locker next to mine. I look over at him and give him a little smile. "You working tonight?" He asks, watching me. I just nod my head, still looking in my locker. I pull out a text book, and put some stuff from my bag into the locker. "What about tomorrow?"

"I have an early shift. I'll be off around five or six." I tell him, still not looking at him. I close my locker, finally giving him my full attention. I look up to meet his gaze. Same old Jay, leaning against the locker in his blasé personality.

"I have work until seven-ish, so I'll see you tomorrow night." Jay semi-asked, I can tell by his tone. I almost forgot about tutoring him with all that happened the past couple days. I just nod my head, getting ready to head off to class. He goes to stop me, but looks a little apprehensive. I look up at him curiously, tilting my head to the side, silently laughing to myself at the perplexed look on his face. I guess because I already caught him trying to stop me he decided to go for it, but I'm not in his head so I don't know, but I do know that all of a sudden, his lips were on mine, soft, like the last two times. I partially open my mouth. When Jay goes to pull away my lips take over, and my brain is no where to be found. I kiss him again, no tongue or anything, but as sensual like the last two kisses, and slowly pull away. Just then, the bell rings. I give him a half smile and walk off to class.

**Jay's point of view**

I kissed her again. This would make three. Why do I keep kissing her if she told me she wasn't ready? Why does she kiss me back if she's not ready? Maybe she thinks I'm not ready… I mean I remember her saying that I'm not the relationship kind of person, and that's true, but maybe… nah… maybe?

"Thank you for joining us Jay, and today you're only a few minutes late." Mrs. Kwan says in her usual annoying teacher tone.

"Sorry Mrs. Kwan." I say and then take my seat. I shouldn't be annoying her; I need to pass English…

**Emma's point of view**

I can't really concentrate. Why did Jay kiss me… for the third time? And even more important then that, why did I kiss him back? It felt like it lasted for hours, even though it was only a couple of minutes.

* * *

It's a little after seven, and Jay is coming over. Alex has work, what a coincidence that is. No one is ever around when I'm with Jay, why is that? Lizzy is fast asleep in her crib. I didn't let her nap today, so hopefully she'll sleep straight through the night. Mom and Snake went out, and Jack is playing with Angie tonight. I think everyone conspired against me. My thoughts are interrupted by the door. I yell that it's open and in comes Jay. 

"I figured we could just work in the living room." I tell him, settling into the couch. I make sure the baby monitor is on and set it on the end table.

"Where is everyone?" Jay asks, putting his bag on the floor and dropping onto the couch.

"They all went out, so it's just us, oh and Lizzy, but she's asleep." I tell him, and then I realize how that sounds. It sounds like I wanted to be alone with him and did this on purpose.

"Hmm, I'm surprised Mr. S let me in his house alone." Jay laughs to himself. "So can we start with English cuz I don't get this shit?" Jay turns to me for my answer, so I nod. He takes out his books and I start explaining the work to him. We work for about an hour before Jay lets out his little huff to say he's annoyed.

"You want something to eat or drink?" I ask him, standing up to stretch. I think we can use a break.

"Soda" Jay says, still writing. I'm kind of surprised at how seriously he is taking his school work this year. I walk into the kitchen to get us something to drink. I take out the orange soda from the fridge, since it's already open and set it on the counter. I pull two glasses from the cabinet and pour us each a cup. "Sorry, I just realized how demanding I sounded when I said 'soda'." Jay says from behind me. I didn't even hear him come into the kitchen.

"No big deal." I tell him, twisting the cap back onto the soda. I put the soda back into the fridge and go to turn back around to get the two glasses, but Jay stops me. I look up at him, wondering why he won't let me give him his soda. I raise my eyebrow at him and he smirks. He lowers his head to mine, once again placing his lips softly on mine. I open my mouth partially to kiss him back, and he kisses me back. I feel Jay's arms move, and all of a sudden I get scared. I abruptly stop kissing him and step back. I shake my head, trying to shake back the bad thoughts that came into my mind.

"Sorry, I know you said you weren't ready." Jay sounds sincere. I look up to meet his eyes, noting the worried expression on his face. I scan his face over, for no particular reason; I just don't know what's wrong with me.

"No, its fine, I just… a bad memory… it just came back… too fast… for me to realize… it was you… and not… him" I wonder if I made any sense. I take a minute to compose myself. I take a step towards him and wrap my arms around his waist, trying to prove to myself that he isn't like Mike, and I can get past what happened to me… one step at a time... hopefully. Jay wraps his arms around me and I enjoy the hug for a moment. I let go, which makes Jay let go. I give him a kiss on the cheek, walk around him and hand him his glass of soda. I pick up mine and take a sip as I walk back into the living room, with Jay behind me. We change gears and work on math and science for a little. Once that's all done and out of the way, we are back to English. Jay starts reading his book, so I turn to my own work, hoping to finish this stupid novel and get the paper out of the way. Jay put his arm on the back of the couch and got comfortable. I just stare at him, I don't mean to, but there's something… about him… I don't know how to explain it…

"What?" Jay asks, not taking his eyes off of his book, even though I don't think he is really, really reading it. I shrug; I don't know why I was staring at him. "You okay?" He asks, turning his head towards me. I nod, staying simple so I don't say anything stupid, since I have no idea what's going through my own head. He motions for me to move closer to him, even though we aren't that far away from each other now. "Come on, I won't bite." He gives a little smirk as I roll my eyes at him. There's that Jay charm. I scoot over to him, laying my head on his chest and curling my legs together. I must look awkward, sitting like this, but it's really comfortable. I open my book and start reading…

**Out of Emma's point of view**

Jay tries to keep his attention on the very boring book, but it was too hard. He looks at how Emma is sitting, wondering how comfortable it is. She looks like it isn't bothering her. Every five minutes or so Emma would turn the page in her book, but she hasn't done that for almost ten minutes. Jay tries to maneuver himself, to be able to look at her, and realizes she's sleeping. He relaxes his head back.

"I must be one comfortable pillow." Jay thinks to himself. He takes his arm, the one on the back of the couch, and gently runs his fingers through Emma's hair. The scent of vanilla fills his nostrils. He's done this to Alex, maybe once or twice, but this time it's… different. As he continues to run his hand through her hair, he tries to concentrate, once again, on his English assignment. He makes it through several pages when he hears someone at the front door. He quickly, although not too quickly, so he doesn't wake up Emma, removes his hand from her hair. Jay glances at his watch, realizing he's been at Emma's for an hour and a half, give or take some minutes. He wonders why it doesn't seem like he's been sitting on the couch for that long. He looks up to see Alex, smiling back at him.

"What's this?" Alex mouths to him, trying to be really quiet. She moves further into the living room, standing in front of the coffee table to have a full view of Jay and Emma. A small smile sneaks across her lips.

"She fell asleep." Jay half whispers, half mouths back. He tries not to wake her up with any sudden movements. Suddenly they hear a crying sound. Jay turns his head to the end table, and before Elizabeth can cry again, Alex reaches for the baby monitor and turns it off. Emma stirs a little, but doesn't wake up.

"I'll take care of Lizzy." Alex whispers Jay, walking into the kitchen. She opens the fridge and is thankful that Emma made a bottle for Lizzy. Quickly, Alex heats it up and heads down to the basement. While Alex is downstairs feeding Lizzy, Jay slightly moves, trying to mark the page in his book, which wakes up Emma. Emma takes a minute to register herself and sits up.

"Sorry." She says to Jay in a low voice. She closes her book and starts gathering all her things together.

"I didn't mean to wake you." Jay says, closing his book as well. "You look really tired; you want to go to bed?" He asks, making her stop cleaning up the coffee table.

"No, I'm fine." Emma resumes closing text books, putting papers away, and picking up pencils.

"Are you sure? You've missed putting that paper into the folder three times now." Jay slightly laughs, knowing just how tired Emma really is.

"Oh, but yeah, I'm fine, I can't sleep." Emma tells him, focusing all her energy on getting the stupid piece of paper inside the folder.

"But you just were sleeping, and you two looked adorable." Lexi jokes, in a high-class voice. "I just fed Lizzy, and then she went back to sleep.

"Thanks," Emma says, relaxing back on the couch. "Go on Lexi, I know you have something on your mind."

"Nope, not a thing." Lexi states folding her arms across her chest. Jay and Emma look at her and then at each other before turning their attention back to Alex. "Okay, well, if you insist." Lexi laughs a little. "You two were pretty cozy, weren't you?" She raises one eyebrow as she looks at the two of them, looking for a sign of weakness (which one will break and talk first).

"Lexi, I had this talk with you already. Did you remember anything I said?" Emma asks Alex, and watches Alex nod her head, letting me know she did. "Okay, well all of that still stands."

"Okay, well I feel like an outcast, later." Jay grabs his bag and heads out the door.

**Emma's point of view**

"So what really happened?" Lexi asks, taking a seat by me on the couch. I give her a weary look.

"Not much, English, kiss, math, science, English…" I say, kinda fast, mumbling the 'kiss' part. I turn away from her. All my nervous behavior is sure to tell her something's up, but I can't seem to stop doing it.

"Hold up, English, KISS, math, science, English… I thought you said you weren't ready?" Alex asks. You know, for a girl who never cared about anything, she really does ask a lot of questions.

"He kinda kissed me again." I tell her, looking at her with an innocent-I-swear-I-was-going-to-tell-you look.

"So, he's kissed you two times now, but you aren't ready?" Lexi asks. Hmm… I wonder why I'm not ready. I mean, I can't do a full-fledged relationship right now, I can't commit to something that big.

"Um… actually… he's kinda kissed me… four times." I say to Lexi, half smiling so she doesn't kill me for not telling her.

"FOUR TIMES," Lexi exclaims, "You've kissed four times, but you can't go out with the kid?" Yet another question from Lexi…

"Well, yeah, we've kissed four times, but it's just like a kiss… I mean there's no tongue or anything, you know what I mean? It's just like a kiss, a simple kiss." I stop talking so I stop thinking about each of the four times that Jay layed his lips on mine.

"Simple kisses… I didn't know Jay was capable of those, especially four times." Lexi contemplates, "I'm gonna have to have a talk with that boy."

"Okay, well I'm going to go lay down." I get up, bring my books and my backpack with me, and head down to my room. I check on Lizzy, who is still sound asleep. She's so beautiful. I lay down on my bed, hopefully I can catch some sleep tonight…


	18. Chapter 17

I drag myself through school. I hardly slept last night, and I have work straight after school. I walk slowly to my car, not being able to pick up my pace. I love getting out at twelve, but I wish I could sleep. I finally get to my car, putting my key into the door to unlock it; I feel a hand on my back. I jump as I turn around.

"Don't do that!" I exclaim, placing my hand over my heart. I just had a horrible flashback. I snap back into reality and pull my key out of the door.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to catch you before you left." Jay tells me with his infamous smirk. I look up at him questioningly, silently asking him 'why'. He keeps his smirk on his face as he leans down to me, placing his lips, for the fifth time, softly on mine. As I kiss him back I feel something I haven't felt in forever, on the other hand I feel scared. Jay places his hands on my waist, pulling me closer to him. That is when it hits me, that overwhelming tight feeling. The feeling of being pulled so hard into someone and not being able to move. I stop the kiss abruptly and pull out of his arms. My heartbeat slows, knowing that I was able to stop Jay and he stopped. I take a deep breath.

"Um, I can't… I have to get to work… excuse me." I open my car door, toss my bag in the passenger seat and sit down. As I place my hands on the steering wheel, I look up to see Jay walking back into school. I just drive to work, hoping to let it all slip out of my mind.

* * *

I am done with my shift, and am leaving the mall. I try to pick up my pace, once again, to get home to see Lizzy when Jay catches my eye. I see him with some girl, who is practically groping him. I let it leave my head. I am not dating Jay, and I am not ready to date Jay; therefore, Jay can do as he pleases. I continue walking, having to walk in their direction to get to the main doors. I get out side and take a deep breath of fresh air. I love the night, the air smells so crisp.

"Emma, wait up." Jay calls out from behind me. I turn around, to be polite, and wait for him to get where I am. "Um, I just wanted to tell you that Saleisha is just a-" I cut him off; I so do not want details.

"Jay, you don't owe me an explanation. We aren't dating, I'm not ready, and you can't handle me. You can do whatever you please, but please spare me the details. I think its best if we just stop doing whatever it is that we are doing. You have your life and I have mine. We are just too different. I also think that you're doing pretty well in school, so we can probably cut off the tutoring sessions to just when you really need it, for like a test or something. I'll see you around, I got to get home." I give him a little smile before heading off in the direction of my car. I call mom to let her know I'm on my way home and that I'm going to stop at The Dot.

I walk in to see the place almost dead empty. I sit up at the counter, waiting patiently as Spinner takes his head out of his English book. I look over the menu sitting on the counter, even though I already know what I want. I close it, placing it back where I got it from.

"Sorry Emma, what would you like?" Spinner asks, doing his best to sound polite. I give him a small side smile.

"A piece of chocolate cake and a vanilla shake please." I tell him. He nods at me and heads to the back. I can hear the milkshake machine buzzing, and a few minutes later Spinner comes out with my shake and a piece of cake.

"Thanks for ordering something easy." Spinner says to me as he sets my order down in front of me. I pick up my fork, gently digging it into my piece of cake.

"No problem," I put a small forkful of cake into my mouth, enjoying the chocolaty goodness, "So what are you studying for?" I ask, trying to keep conversation going.

"English, Kwan is going to kill me with all these tests." Spinner replies, his face still in his English book. I take a sip of my shake and place it back on the counter.

"Want some help?" I ask. English comes sort of easy for me, depending on what we are doing. I take another bite of my cake, waiting for his reply.

"Do you mind?" He asks. I shake my head. "That'd be great." Spinner slides his books closer to me and moves over with them.

"First thing, you have to relax. Take a bite of my cake." I hold the fork in front of his mouth, waiting for him to eat the cake off of it. He looks at me and I motion the fork towards him. Spinner takes the cake. "Good, now while you enjoy all that chocolate, relax and just listen." I recite some of the poems and transfer them into a situation which he will remember better in between eating my cake and sipping my shake, which Spinner and I end up splitting.

"Thank you so much." Spinner says before bringing my plate and cup into the back. I smile at him and open my purse to get some money out. "It's on the house."

"You sure?" I ask him, closing my purse and placing it back on the counter.

"Yeah, I mean I ate just as much of it as you did." Spinner says, a smile creeping across his lips. There is no way you can't not like the Spinner smile.

"Well thanks, and good luck on your test." I give him a smile before heading out. I can't wait to get home to Lizzy. I drive home and head downstairs to my room, which isn't really mine since I share it with Lexi and Elizabeth. "Aww, you two look adorable together. I have to get a picture." I take a picture of Lexi and Lizzy. I pick her up, showering her in kisses, telling her I missed her.

"What happened between you and Jay today?" Lexi asks, pulling one leg under her and letting the other leg swing slightly back and forth over the edge of the bed.

"Um nothing, why, did something happen?" I ask her, not really sure what she is talking about. I change Lizzy and set her on my bed with me.

"He just seemed kind of weird today. He had off tonight and was at the ravine all night." Alex starts. I so don't want to hear anymore of this.

"Please, spare the details." I tell her. I pick up one of Lizzy's rattle, gently shaking it so she reaches up to grab it. I smile down at her.

"Okay, it's just weird, he seemed kinda bummed. Jay is all about getting what he needs, but today he didn't really seem happy about it. I don't know… maybe I'm thinking too much about it. You didn't see him at all today?" She turns her attention back to me.

"Um, well before I left school he kinda kissed me again. I got totally freaked out, all these memories came back, you know? Jay was pulling me into him and I just got so scared, and I had to make sure I could stop it, that if I wanted it to stop, he would stop…" I trail off to compose myself, trying to not re-live all those memories. "I told him that I'm not ready, and he can't handle me, and then he was at the mall when I was leaving work. He was with some girl, Sally or something like that; anyway he was going to start explaining what he was doing with her, which was clearly obvious. I told him he didn't owe me an explanation, I'm not his girlfriend, so he can do whatever he pleases. Um, so, I'm going to put her in the crib so I can take a quick shower, if she fuses just call me and I'll get out." I lay Elizabeth down in her crib and walk straight into the bathroom, not waiting for Alex to even process what I just said. I shut the door, lean against the back of it and let out a sigh. Life is extremely difficult. I undress slowly, start the shower, and listen for Lizzy's cries. I'm happy she isn't crying, hopefully she fell asleep. I take a quick shower, just in case Lizzy does cry, but I stay in the bathroom, brushing my hair and putting lotion on, just trying to relax. Finally, I leave the bathroom, slowly letting the door creak open. Lexi is asleep, now if only I can get myself to fall asleep… well falling asleep isn't the problem, staying asleep is my problem.


	19. Chapter 18

The next couple of days sort of drag on, like something isn't right. I can't quite put my finger on what it is though. Anyway, I am currently at my locker, switching books, putting all my homework into my bag, getting ready to leave school and go to work. All of a sudden, my feet are off the floor. I instantly think the worst, but then I hear Spinner.

"Thank you!" He exclaims, finally putting me back on the floor, and pulling away from the bear hug he just engulfed me in.

"For what?" I ask, quite amused by his strange behavior. It must be wonderful to be Spinner; his personality is so young, so vibrant. He shoves a piece of paper into my view, smiling proudly. "A B , you got a B !" I tell him, even though he obviously already knows that.

"I was one point away from an A." Spinner says, taking the paper down from my face. I smile up at him, realizing that he is a good three inches taller then me. He looks down at me, "I need another favor."

"And what would that be?" I ask, closing my bag and my locker. I turn back to him, leaning against the row of lockers. I notice Jay with Alex a little ways away from us and give them a slight smile, telling them I see them.

"Kwan thinks I cheated or something. Just tell her you helped me a couple days ago, please?" He looks at me with his Spinner smile plastered on his face. I wonder if he knows how to fake smile. I nod my head yes. "Great! Let's go." He puts his arm around my shoulders and steers me off to Kwan's. We get to her room, and I gently knock on her door before entering, with Spinner of course.

"Mrs. Kwan, I just wanted to let you know that I tutored Spinner. I am very proud of him, and I hope you don't think he cheated on your test." I look up at Mrs. Kwan, keeping eye contact. She looks at me, gives a tiny half smile, acknowledging she heard me. She looked over at Spinner, a tiny smile escaping her lips. She nods in his direction. I take that as she believes us so I head out of the room, Spinner following behind.

"Thank you, you absolutely rock! I totally owe you." Spinner walks swiftly, trying to keep up with my fast pace. I have to get to work.

"Thanks Spinner, and anytime you need help just let me know. I don't want to seem like I'm blowing you off, but I have to get to work in forty minutes so I got to run. See you later…" I trail off as I say bye over my shoulder, and head out the school doors to my car.

* * *

Work, not exactly excruciatingly long, but not the greatest thing in the world either. Maybe it's just because I'm really missing Elizabeth. I don't know, but what I do know is that I'm done with work and I'm ready to go home. 

"Emma, hey," Manny says, walking up to me. "You think I could ride home with you?" She looks at me innocently. I nod and motion for her to follow me to the car. "Thanks, so how ya been?"

"Um, not too bad I guess. I haven't been doing much, just school, work, Lizzy, and a couple therapy sessions." I tell her, being honest. I had to start seeing Doctor Montemayor again, trying to figure out why and for how long I will be single.

"Are you working this weekend? Maybe I can sleep over, like old times?" Manny asks, sounding extremely hopeful. How can I possibly say no?

"I have work on Friday until nine, and I don't go in on Saturday until two." I tell her, just as we pull up to her house.

"Yay, so I am totally coming over and we will have a total girl's night, like back in grade eight, movies, junk food, maybe some boy talk. Thanks for the ride." Manny gives me a sincere, big smile and gets out of the car. I make sure she gets into her house before driving off towards my house, which I get to a few minutes later. I park the car, get out, and head inside. I pick up Lizzy from her bouncer, say hi to mom, Snake, and Jack, and then I head down to my room, only to find Alex and Jay watching a movie.

"Hi guys," I say, trying to make my voice have a tint of chipper-ness in it. I bring Lizzy into the bathroom, cleaning her up a bit and changing her into pajamas. I come back out of the bathroom, set Lizzy in her playpen with some toys. "I'm gonna take a quick shower, if Lizzy bothers you just yell, I'll get out and take care of her." I walk back into the bathroom, not really waiting for a response. I haven't really seen Jay in a couple days… it feels kind of… weird, for lack of a better word. I get out of the shower, realizing I didn't bring any clothes in with me. I exit the bathroom in my towel and rummage through my dresser, pulling out a pair of plain pajama bottoms and a fitted tee shirt. I walk back into the bathroom to change just as Elizabeth starts crying. I lay the clothes down on the edge of the sink and turn back around to get Lizzy. I pick her up, gently rocking her back and forth, letting her suck on the tip of my finger. "You're hungry, aren't you?" I set her back down in her playpen so I can get dressed. I change in the bathroom quickly, hearing Lizzy let out a little cry. I pick her up and bring her upstairs to get her a bottle.

**Out of Emma's point of view**

"Are you just not going to talk to her?" Alex asks Jay. Jay had half-heartedly filled her in on what Emma had told Jay a couple days ago, but with Jay being a 'man', he didn't like talking about it.

"What's there to talk about? And you didn't even say hi." Jay points out, trying to shift the conversation. He doesn't want to talk about what he saw in school today.

"Fine, whatever… I'll strike up conversation first." Alex retaliates, sitting up in her bed, not really paying attention to the movie that's on the TV. Jay gives Alex a very slight dirty look, not really in the mood. He would have been at the ravine, again, tonight but Alex didn't want him to go. Alex stuck her tongue out at him.

**Emma's point of view**

I come downstairs, Lizzy in my arms, to see Lexi sticking her tongue out at Jay. "Lexi, what's with the funny faces?" I ask, setting Lizzy in her crib, hoping she'll go to sleep now.

"Jay's being grouchy." Lexi tells me, turning her attention to me. "Come sit with us." She pats the bed between her and Jay, who is lying down on it.

"I don't now if you've noticed, but that bed is kinda small." I say to her, looking at the twin size bed that Jay is laying on, and Alex is sitting on. She pats it again, more insistently. I give in, "Okay, okay."

"So, how was your day?" Lexi asks, with a curious gleam in her eye, which is telling me she thinks something juicy happened to me today.

"The usually, school, work, Lizzy… oh, don't hate me, but I was with Manny today, and she wants to have a girl's night, like we used to have in grade eight, on Friday. I don't know if you have work or not, but if you don't, please stay and be a part of the girls night. Please?" I almost beg, I really want Manny and Lexi to get along with each other.

"Yeah, fine… I guess. Anyway, what was up with you and Spinner today?" Lexi asks. I wonder if she knows she just agree to spend the night with Manny. I tilt my head to the side, not totally sure of what she's talking about. "Oh come on, you remember, in the hallway, he spun you around, and said something or other, and then the two of you walked off, with his arm around your shoulder." Lexi states, as if I should have remembered every last detail.

"I helped him a couple nights ago; he got a B on his English test." I say, shrugging it off because it's not that big of a deal.

"Okay, well its late, I'm going home to sleep, bye." Jay says in a quick breath. I give him a weird look, but wave him goodbye. What's up with him?

* * *

Emma step out of Dr. Montemayor's office. She doesn't see Spike anywhere, great, just great. Emma pulls out her cell phone and calls the house.

"Hello?" Lexi asks into the phone, a little out of breath from running upstairs to answer it.

"Hey Lexi," Emma starts while looking up and down the street. "Do you know where mom is? She was supposed to pick me up." I stop looking, realizing that my mother isn't here.

"I haven't seen her since she left with Mr. S, Jack and Lizzy, but I'm about to go to Marco's. Jay can pick you up after dropping me off." Alex tells Emma as she looks at Jay, silently asking if he could do that.

"Um, yeah, if he doesn't mind, if he has something to do I can just walk." Emma replies, not totally sure of the idea.

"No, Jay doesn't mind, he'll be there in twenty minutes or so." She tells Emma, and hangs up.

**Emma's point of view**

How does he know where I am? Maybe Lexi gave him directions. Oh I should text mom and tell her not to worry, or that it's okay she forgot. I go back into Dr. Montemayor's office. She's still sitting at her desk.

"Hi," I say as I knock softly on her open door. She looks up, not expected to see me so soon. "I'm waiting for a ride. Can I ask you a quick question?" I ask.

"Oh, of course. Come in, come in." She motions for me to sit down. I walk in and take a seat across from her desk.

"When do you think… I'll be able to… have a… boyfriend?" I ask shyly. I fiddle with my fingers, not too sure why I asked her, but she is my therapist, so that's probably why.

"Well, everyone heals at their own pace, but don't rush it Emma, it will get easier." She looks at me sympathetically. "Do you remember when you couldn't even look at you step-father? Now you can look at him, hold a conversation, give him hugs. It will take time, but you will get there." Dr. Montemayor tells me. I look up at her and nod. I hear a car beep outside.

"That must be my ride. Thanks Dr. M, I really hope this works out. Have a good night." I give her a polite, but not fake, smile and head out the door. I was right; there is Jay, in his iniquitous orange Civic. I climb into the passenger seat, "Thanks for picking me up." I say as I buckle my seatbelt. Jay starts driving…

"Don't you have a car?" He asks, not taking his eyes off the road. I look at him, wondering why I'm still getting a weird vibe off of him. Maybe I did something wrong…

"Um, yeah, but something's wrong with mom's car so she is using mine." I reply. I turn my head, looking out the window; I try to keep my voice even. "Sorry for bothering you." I don't bother to make eye contact with him. I feel like a nervous three year old.

"No problem, I was already out." Jay says. I feel like I can feel his eyes on me. I keep staring at the window, not really looking at anything. I wonder when things will fully return to normal for me, if things were ever normal to start with. "Well here we are." Jay announces. I turn towards him, just realizing we're in front of my house.

"Thanks," I say, I pick up my bag and put my hand on the door handle. I turn towards him, wanting to say something, but not sure what. I turn back towards the door, open it, and get out. I walk up the porch steps before I turn back around to look at him. He looks up, meeting my eyes, and I go inside. I gently close the door. I flop onto the couch. I wonder what I wanted to say to him. Maybe some sleep will clear my mind…


	20. Chapter 19

**Friday; girls' night:**

It's going pretty well, I have to admit. We've only had a couple riffs, which were just arguments over this or that in whatever movie we were watching. I am trying, key word: trying, to hide the fact that I'm upset that I'm not with Lizzy. Mom and Snake took her and Jack to go visit Snake's mother. They thought it would be good for Elizabeth to know her extended family. I, however, want her home, with me. Someone knocks quite fiercely on the door.

"Are you expecting anyone?" I ask Lexi, breaking away from my own thoughts. She shakes her head no, but gets up to answer the door, only to see Jay.

"What happened to you?" Lexi asks, looking at his bloodied lip. He doesn't answer, instead, he pushes passed Lexi and into the house, making sure she steps back inside as well, and closes the door. "Downstairs, now," Alex tells him, her voice so stern an army sergeant would be afraid of her. Manny and I give each other curious looks as we watch the two go downstairs. We can hear Alex yelling at Jay from up here. I get up and walk into the kitchen, getting some ice. "Jay, you can't do things like this anymore. You're eighteen, you are an adult, you could go to jail, and I mean big boy jail, not some stupid detention center." Alex takes a deep breath. "Jay, I understand that you don't care about anybody, but I need you, so please stop doing whatever it is that you're doing." Alex comes back up the steps, walking straight to the living room.

**Out of Emma's point of view**

Emma walks down the stairs, holding the ice pack. "Come here," She tells Jay, walking into her bathroom. Emma picks up a washcloth and runs it under warm water. Jay stands next to her, wondering what she was doing. She picks up the washcloth and gently runs it along his face, washing the blood off his lip. "Here, put this on before it starts to bruise." Emma says, handing him the ice pack. Jay takes it from her, causing her to see his knuckles. "What did you do?"

"I can't talk about it." Jay replies solemnly. Emma takes the washcloth, rinsing it out, and cleans off his hand.

"Anything else I should know about?" Emma asks him suspiciously.

"No, it was just a fight, I'm fine." Jay tells him, trying to hide the slight wince that appeared on his face as he moved.

"Let me see," Emma slightly demands. Jay, a little reluctantly, picks up his shirt. Emma trails her fingers slightly over his torso, making sure nothing feels broken. "Nothings broken, but you'll probably be sore tomorrow." Emma removes her hand from his chest, suddenly embarrassed. Jay nods slightly, letting his shirt fall down, covering his body. The two stand there, not sure what to do. Emma decides to walk out of the bathroom, but Jay is leaning against the doorway. "I, um-" Emma gets cut off by Jay's lips. He places the ice pack on the edge of the sink, not letting his mouth leave hers. Gently, he places his hands on her waist, trying not to freak her out like the last time. As Emma kisses him back, a sensation runs through her body, one that she hasn't felt in forever. Right before tongue is added to the kiss, Emma slowly pulls back. "I should get back upstairs before they think we're… doing something. You can chill down here, or come upstairs, it doesn't matter." Emma looks at him as Jay stares at her, almost as if he's looking right through her. He moves out of the way, to let her go upstairs, and follows her up. When the two get to the kitchen, Jay squeezes her hand lightly before they walk into the living room.

"Well, well," Alex starts, a smug-like grin appearing on her face. "What were you two doing?" She waits for an answer, folding her arms across his chest.

"Don't even start with that Lexi." Emma tells her firmly. "I was cleaning up his lip and his knuckles." Emma takes a seat on the floor, her back against the front of the couch.

"You gonna stay? I assume so; you can't leave yet, not until you think the coast is clear." Alex states, motioning for him to sit on the couch next to her, so they could finish the 'girls night' without any more interruptions.

* * *

Spike and Snake walk into their house that night, and the first thing they see is Jay sleeping on the couch. Emma had heard them drive up so she went upstairs to meet them. She takes Lizzy from her mom, happy to have her daughter back in her arms.

**Emma's point of view**

"How was your mother's?" I ask Snake, cradling Elizabeth in my arms. I missed her so much. It's so weird how I can feel that much love for one person.

"Why is Jay on our couch?" A suspicious Snake asks. Oh great, he we go again. Snake is still not too happy about seeing Jay outside of school.

"He came over while we were watching some movies, and we let him sit in with us, but he wouldn't contribute to the girl talk." I joke; trying to let Snake know that there was and is nothing to worry about.

"Archie, leave it be, he's not hurting anyone." Mom tells him, "Come put Jack to bed with me. Mom hands Jack to Snake, probably because he is like dead weight when he's sleeping. The two walk up the stairs. I look down at my precious sleeping beauty, and bring her down to her crib, making sure not to disturb Alex or Manny. I bring up the baby monitor and set it on the kitchen table. Green tea, peppermint tea, a-ha, chamomile, this is what I need. Tea is supposed to help you sleep, it doesn't really though, but it has helped calm my nerves. I try to pick up the tea kettle as soon as it starts whistling, but I should have figured out a way to… I don't know, know when it was hot before it whistled, or something.

"I'm sorry for waking you." I tell Jay in between blowing on my cup of tea. I watch him stretch a little before stepping out of the doorway and into the kitchen.

"What are you doing up?" He asks me, standing in front of me with his arms folded across his chest.

"Couldn't sleep, which is why I made tea. Sorry again for waking you, you want some?" I ask, holding my tea cup out to him.

"I'm not really the type to drink tea." He says, emphasizing the word tea. I laugh a little; of course Jay would never drink tea.

"Try it, it's supposed to help people sleep, and since I woke you up, you can use a little bit to help you go back to bed." I reply, holding my cup out to him, once again. He takes it, smelling it before putting it to his lips.

"Tastes like a flower." Jay hands me the cup back, our fingers touching as I obtain it from him. I try to shake the feeling of it as I sip my tea. "Do you ever sleep?"

"Sometimes…" I don't think sharing my nightly habits, which consists of drinking tea, homework, and cleaning, with Jay is a good thing. He'll probably think I'm crazy. "Why do you ask?"

"It just seems like you never do." He looks at me. "Whenever I'm over you say you can't sleep… oh wait, that's the pattern, me, do you want me to leave?" Jay half jokes, but I think he's serious too.

I shake my head. "It's not you." I drink the rest of my tea, turn around to the sink, and place my cup in it. When I turn back around Jay is suddenly closer. "Gosh, why do you do that?" I whisper, a little startled.

"Sorry…" He whispers, "I don't mean to… it just sorta happens." Jay leans in, kissing me once again. Why does this keep happening? Why does Jay kiss me? Why do I kiss him back? I can't fully kiss him back… I just can't. I pull away. "What's wrong?"

"I… I-I… can't… I'm sorry." I look at him sympathetically. The memories always come flooding back; I just can't let them go. It's all too soon… even though it's been a year… I still can't.

"I think this is the first time I've ever had to ask this, but am I doing something wrong?" Jay looks at me, his eyes filled with concern. Whether the concern was for me or his male ego, or maybe both, I couldn't fully tell.

"Jay, it's complicated." I start, looking away from his deep blue eyes. They are intoxicating. "You wouldn't understand it."

"You're right, I wouldn't understand it, but you can talk to me. I am good at listening." His eyes are one step below sparkling, like they are inviting me to his lips once again. I break the gaze again.

"I can't tell anyone." My voice becomes a whisper. "I don't want to tell anymore people." I keep my eyes on the floor, wondering how much Jay could get out of that last statement. I feel his finger under my chin, gently lifting my head up.

"Okay, I'm not going to try to force it out of you, but I'm attracted you and I'm sorry if I keep scaring your or whatever it is I'm doing, but I can't help it."

"No, Jay, don't apologize. It's something I'm going through, and it's going to take a while to get past…" Trailing off, I realize I can't say to him what I think I should. It will hurt his feelings, contrary to his huge male ego; I know it will hurt him. I try to advert my eyes, but he keeps his finger under my chin, moving his eyes with me as I move mine. Reluctantly, I look at him.

"I want to kiss you." Jay keeps his eyes on mine, maybe waiting for me to say something, but I can't. I look at him curiously, why of all the girls does he always end up kissing me? "If you want to stop, just pull away." He starts leaning in closer to me. Placing his lips on me, letting them linger a bit before kissing again. I kiss him back, concentrating on Jay, and only Jay. He removes his hand from underneath my chin, and places it on my waist. I want to kiss him some more, but I can't. Once again I pull away right before Jay goes any further. "Do you not like tongue?" Jay asks, slightly joking.

"It's… uh, complicated." I look down, noticing Jay's hand still on my waist, his thumb slowly stroking my side. "Look," I say softly, "I don't want to lead you on or anything, but I don't know if I can do this. Even if I can, it's going to be excruciatingly slow for you." I look up at him, a small smile forming in the corners of my mouth.

"Well, maybe I need a change of pace." Jay places his other hand on my waist. He can't do this. He's not that type.

"Jay, this isn't you. You can't handle me." My voice is stern, I do not want to get him into something, and then end up hurting myself.

"I can handle you." He replies, his face once again getting closer to mine. I feel his lips before I can answer. This, his lips on mine, proves he can't possibly handle the whole going slow. I kiss him back, but make myself pull away.

"Jay, I can't." The bright neon light of the microwave's time catches my eye. "You should get some sleep." I turn away and walk down to my room.

* * *

"Mom, are you sure you don't want me to drop her off at daycare?" I ask, but my full attention is on Lizzy. I hate when I have to leave her for practically the whole day.

"Sweetie, I love watching her. Plus, Jack and Elizabeth get along so well." Mom smiles warmly at me as takes Lizzy from my arms. I kiss her on the forehead one last time.

"Okay, I have work and then I have an appointment with Marisa." I say, walking out towards the living room. I see Jay starting to sit up on the couch. He looks up at me. "Morning Jay," A small smile appears on my face. "Bye, love you." I yell over my shoulder as I open up the front door. I have to get to work.

**Out of Emma's point of view**

Jay stands up after watching Emma walk out of the house. "Hi Spike, sorry about crashing here." He says, watching her in the kitchen with Lizzy.

"No problem Jay." Spike looks up at him for a brief moment before going back to feeding Elizabeth. "You just missed Emma."

"Yeah, I saw her go." Jay replies. "I'm gonna go say hi to Lexi and then I'll be out of your house." Jay gives a half smirk and heads down the stairs. "Lexi, you up?" He asks, looking at her bed.

"Yeah, a little. You still here? I thought you woulda bolted as soon as you got up." Lexi rubs her eyes and sits up. Jay walks over and sits on the edge of Emma's bed, facing Alex.

"I want to ask you something, and I want a real answer." Jay looks at Alex so she notes the serious expression on his face. "What's been going on with Emma?"

"What do you mean?" Alex asks, a little more attentive. "If you mean the whole baby thing, I can't tell you, I won't tell you."

"No, I mean… well you know we kissed, a few times… and I… whenever…" Jay stops, not sure how to phrase it without him sounding like a nerd.

"Put your male ego aside Jay. If you're asking why she can't make out with you, or have you touch her, there's a reason, and it has to do with the thing I can't tell you."

"Lexi, give me something here. This is the first time I've really like a girl since you, and I can't do anything." Jay looks at her again, trying to understand why he is so suddenly attracted to Emma.

"Jay, if you like Emma just to get in her pants, then you better quit now. She's not just some girl and this isn't my sexuality talking. Do you want to know something about her? Emma does nothing but work and take care of Lizzy. At night she's either cleaning or crying, she hardly ever sleeps. She lives and breaths for her daughter and her family, and now me. I will not have you do anything to her. Do you understand me?" Alex's voice is firm, looking him square in the eye.

Yeah, I understand. I'm not a kid." Jay retaliates, still processing what Alex just told him. "Why do you think-"

"You like her because you can't have her." Alex cuts Jay off, already knowing what he's gonna say. "It took me a year to figure out who I am, for me to get my life on some sort of track. I think Emma would be really good for you, but I'm not sure that you would be good for her. In the end, I think you would, but what it takes to get to the end, I don't think you can handle." Alex takes a deep breath, watching the solemn, yet blank look on Jay's face. "I just don't want either of you to get hurt."

"I have to get to work, I'll see you." Jay gets up from the bed, walks over to Alex, and gives her a small peck on the cheek. He heads home to shower and change for work, all the while, trying to decipher his feelings, feelings he's never felt before. Alex has always been the one and only girl he ever cared about, and he didn't realize how much he cared about her until after he lost her. He doesn't want to push Alex or Emma away. Emma, there is just something about her that always catches him off guard, something he can't quite comprehend. Yeah, Jay's changed, he straightened up some, but can he really go slowly. Jay can barely, just barely stand a relationship, so there's no way he could try a slow relationship. Maybe Alex is right, he probably can't handle it. Although, he has been through a lot, and knows how to overcome it, so maybe Alex is right when she said that he would be good for her in the end. He shook it off. He has to work; he needs the money, whatever he is feeling with just have to wait.


	21. Chapter 20

"Jay, how are you? Come in, come in," Spike ushers Jay inside the house. Snake appears from the kitchen doorway.

"Jason, what brings you here?" He asks with a curious, yet stern tone in his voice. He is still skeptical about all the time Jay seems to have spent at his house.

"Yes, Jay, what brings you here? We haven't seen you in a couple weeks. You do know that both Lexi and Emma are at work, right?" Spike queries. She looks at him, unlike Snake, with softer eyes. She has grown quite fond of him, and was slightly disappointed since he hadn't been around since he crashed at her house more then two weeks ago.

"Yeah, I know. I wanted to, um, run something by you. Mr. S, you can't flip out." Jay looks at him quickly before he starts talking again. "I know that Emma barely sleeps, and I know that all she cares about is her kid, but she does need a break; she needs a good night's sleep. I know I am the last person you want to see with Emma, but I think if she came over to my place for the weekend that she could get that good night's sleep. Lexi or Manny could come over or something. I don't know, I just think that if Emma got away from here for a day or so that she would feel better. I don't know, it's just a thought." Jay finally stops speaking.

"I don't know." Snake states, after almost two full minutes of silence. Spike looks over at her husband.

"I kind of agree with him Archie." Spike turns her attention to Jay for a minute. "Honestly, I've missed seeing you here. Why haven't you come over since the night you fell asleep on the couch?"

"Um," Jay says nervously, not prepared for this question. "I was just trying to give the girls some space, and I work a lot." His eyes are cast down towards the floor, not wanting to spill the whole truth.

"Jay, I think you are a really good kid." Spike looks at Snake. "Despite you past. If I talk to Emma, and you promise me that nothing, and I mean nothing, will happen to her, then I think it will be good for Emma to get away from the house for the weekend." She turns her attention back to Jay, smiling delicately.

"Whatever you think is best Spike. And I promise, nothing at all will happen to her." Jay tries to keep eye contact with Spike, but Snake was almost throwing daggers with his. "I have to get to work. I'll see you later, thanks for talking with me." Jay gets up and heads out of the house. His first stop: Alex. He gets to her job and searches for her.

"I'm working Jay." Alex states, wiping down the table, shoving the tip money into her apron pocket. She picks up the tray of dishes and starts walking back. Jay tries to keep up with her fast pace.

"I know, I'm just stopping by to say that I just talked to them. I though Mr. S was going to jump out of his chair. Spike agrees though."

"I told you I knew she would. Did you say everything I told you to?" she asks, placing the dirty dishes with all the other ones.

"Yeah, but I don't see what this is going to do." Jay states, raising one eyebrow a little.

"It's going to get Emma away from the house, and don't you want to spend some time with her?" Alex asks, mocking his raising of the eyebrow.

"Well yeah, but she won't do anything." Jay says. Alex starts walking back to the main room. Jay follows suit, having to walk a little faster to catch up with her.

"If that's all you want her for then I wouldn't have given you that stupid spiel for her parents." She snaps at him. She stops walking to turn around and face him.

"That's not what I meant. I wouldn't force her to do anything." Jay says to Alex, hoping she would believe that he didn't mean for it to come out the way it did.

"You better not. She doesn't need to go through it again." Alex half mumbles, pissed that Jay only ever thinks about sex.

"What do you mean 'she doesn't need to go through it again'?" Jay asks. Alex avoids eye contact with him. "You mean-"

"No, that's not what I mean. I swear if her parents say yes to this and you do something to her, I will personally make sure you regret every single movement." Alex turns away from Jay to go back to work.

* * *

I walked into my house, Lizzy in hand, and smiling a little. This week I was able to spend a lot more time with Lizzy, and I am extremely happy about that. I sit her in her highchair and look through her food. She is now passed six months old, so I can give her something other then her bottle. She really likes the little Gerber baby mashed apples. I see Lexi come up the basement stairs. "How was work?" I ask, taking a quick look at her.

"Not so bad. Look," Ales states, sitting across from me at the kitchen table. "We've all been kinda talking about you behind your back." I think this is the first time I've ever heard Alex seem any kind of nervous.

"Why would you be talking about me behind my back?" I think back to the high school rumor mill. "Do you mean like high school garbage?"

"No, no," Lexi gets a little chuckle out of that, "I mean me, your mom, Jay, and even Manny." Alex says. I look over at her.

"You mean you and Manny have been talking to each other?" I mock-gasp, totally stunned that the two are 'getting along'.

"Yes, we have." She replies in a mock-annoyed voice. I smile a little. "Anyway, we think it would be good for you if you got away."

"Got away?" I repeat, confused by what she's talking about. Lexi takes a deep breath, so apparently this is something big.

"You are always working, or taking care of one of us in this house, so we think it would be good if you went to Jay's for a night or two, so you could sleep without having to worry about any of us." I look at Lexi blankly. Scooping another little spoonful of applesauce into Elizabeth's mouth, I finally speak.

"I can't go to Jay's. I'm surprised mom even agreed to it, but Jay's? You know I can't be with him. Plus, I'm fine being here. I have to take care of Lizzy." I don't look at Lexi for a reaction.

"Em, I know you don't sleep, and this house is filled with people that can watch Lizzy for the night. Please, just try it, just hang out at Jay's; he won't try anything if that's what you're worried about."

"No, that's not what I'm worried about." I lie a little. "I can't leave Lizzy." I look over at her messy face, and her arms moving around. I smile at her and gently begin to wipe off her face.

"Em, just one night, this is for your benefit, you're tired. You need to get some sleep. Plus, it's only at Jay's place, so you can always come home. That's the reason why we picked his apartment. Now, go pack a bag, you're going tonight."

"What!" I exclaim, which makes Lizzy cry. I pick her up, saying 'I'm sorry', and soothing hush-like noises. "I'm going to bathe her." I walk down to my room, prompting Alex to follow me. "I can't just pack up and leave." I tell her.

"Yes, you can. Look, Lizzy is already fed; you're giving her a bath now, so all that has to happen is she needs to be put to bed. Em, this really isn't a big deal. I get that she's your daughter, but your mom, and Mr. S, and me, and Manny are all here to help you. Now, get that through your thick skull." Alex folds her arms across her chest. Laughing a little at her last sentence, I continue to wash Lizzy.

"Fine, I'll give it a try, but I have the right to come home whenever I feel it is necessary." I reason with her.

"Of course." She replies. I finish giving my daughter her bath and get her changed into her pajamas. Reluctantly, I start gathering a change of clothes and stuff for Jay's house.

"I don't even know where he lives." I tell Lexi. She automatically hands me a piece of paper with directions on it. "You must have had this planned for some time." She smiles a little. "Ugh, whatever, I'm going." I go upstairs and set my bag down on one of the kitchen chairs. "Mom," I say and she looks up at me innocently. "Why are you all plotting against me?" I almost whine, as if I am three years old again.

"Honey, we are not plotting against you." She laughs a little. "I think you have handled everything that happened this past year incredibly well, and I am so, so proud of you." Mom gives me a warm smile. "You need some time for yourself, and Jay, he really is changing. I know he likes you, and I know that you like him too." Mom looks at me, that 'I know all because I'm the mother' look on her face. I shake my head.

"No, mom you've got it all wrong. We do not like each other." I shake my head again. "We are just friends." Mom moves over to me, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"Sweetie, don't fight it. I know it's hard, but it is okay to like Jay. It will take time, but you will get passed it, just take it slow." Mom gives me a kiss on the forehead. "Now, you better get going." She smiles as she picks up my back and pushes me towards the door. I take my bag from her and get into my car. This is so freaking weird. I drive over to Jay's, but I can't get out of the car. A full ten minutes later I finally get out, and then I stand outside of his apartment door for another five. Timidly, I knock twice on his door.

"Your mom and Alex called, asking if you got here yet." Jay says after opening the door. I chuckle to myself. They push me out of the house and then call to make sure I got here. I walk inside, letting my bag fall to the floor behind the door. Jay closes it and we just stare at each other. "I guess you should call your mom."

"Right, right…" I pick up my cell, hitting the number two, speed dial. "Hi… yeah I'm fine… for like ten minutes… I know… I will… no… I didn't say that… but we… yeah, okay… love you too." I hang up the phone and stare at Jay…

**Out of Emma's point of view**

Jay is confused, due to the fact that he only heard Emma's side of the conversation. Finally, she can't stand the silence anymore.

"So, you all plotted against me, so what do you have in mind?" Emma asks, nervously playing with the bottom of her t-shirt.

"We didn't plot against you." Jay says, "We just thought… that you could use a night of sleep." Jay shrugs it off. "You wanna watch TV or something?" Emma nods her head yes, they have to do something. He starts walking towards the couch, Emma following suit. Abruptly, he stops, causing Emma to lightly hit his back. He turns around, planting his lips on hers. They pull away from each other. Jay turns back around, taking a seat on the couch.

"You are really spontaneous." Emma tells him, taking a seat next to him on the couch. Jay just shrugs again, a little smirk playing at the corner of his lips. He pulls her closer to him, letting his arm rest over her shoulder, as she lays her head in the crook of his shoulder. They weren't watching TV for that long before Emma fell asleep. Jay picks Emma up, trying his best not to wake her, and places her in his bed. He watches her, is he supposed to do something? Like any of those things that you see on TV or in movies, take off her shoes or her clothes and put her in pajamas. Jay shakes his head, he definitely cannot think about undressing her. He left his bedroom, hoping to leave his thoughts behind. Jay turned the TV down and layed on the couch, drifting off to sleep himself.

* * *

**Emma's point of view**

I wake up, a little unsure of where I am, but after looking around the room, it is definitely Jay's. I sit up, rubbing my eyes. I still have my shoes on. I slip my sneakers off, placing them by the door. Out of habit, I start cleaning his room. I can't stop myself, I have to stay busy, and since everyone forced me out of my house, I have to clean Jay's. I do not even know how this kid gets around. He has clothes and random things everywhere. Is it wrong to go through his things? I mean they are out in plain view, but I'm sure he doesn't expect people to clean his room for him, although he is in desperate need for a maid. I put away everything I can, which is pretty hard. He barely uses his dresser, but it's full now. I make my way out of the room and to the bathroom. After going to the bathroom and washing my hands, I clean this room too. I am so freaking weird. I don't know why I can't stop cleaning…well that's not true; I clean because I can't sleep. I could probably make pretty good money as a maid. Finding my way into the kitchen, I try to keep quiet. I need something to drink. Jay has nothing but soda and beer. I chuckle quietly at the thought of Jay having tea. I turn around and there's Jay.

"Crap! Gosh, what is wrong with you?" My hand flies to my heart. "You scared me!" I catch my breath and relax myself. Jay smirks a little so I give him a fake cold glare.

"Sorry. What are you doing up?" He folds his arms across his chest… which is bare. He has to work out; because there is no way that he eats healthy.

"Couldn't sleep," I look around the kitchen. The dark filling me with an eerie feeling, I shudder and shake back my imagination.

"You were doing fine before." Jay looks at me, tilting his head in the slightest degree. I shrug. I hate that people always question my sleeping habits. "Well, let's go back to bed." Jay takes my hand and pulls me with him to his bedroom. He steers me towards the bed, and I sit down while he walks around to the other side and lies down. I turn towards him.

"Is this the first time you've had a girl in you bed… that was dressed?" Curiosity seeps through my mind. I can't picture Jay willingly sharing his bed. Jay looks at me, and then around the room.

"You cleaned my room." He sounds kind of shocked. Whether it's a statement or a question, I'm not really sure. I shrug my shoulders again. "I didn't know I had a floor." Jay smirks and shakes his head a little. "I can't believe you cleaned my room."

"Yes, I'm weird, but I wouldn't have if I was able to be in my own room." I retaliate, with a joking tone. He smirks again, nodding his head in agreement.

"Yeah, you're weird all right. Now, lay down." His eyes move from me to the pillow next to me. I look at him, he better not have just told me what to do. "The reason you're here is to sleep, for a full night, so please just lay down." There's that Jay voice and face that I can't say no to. Laying my head down on the pillow, I roll onto my side to face him. Surprising myself, I reach up and kiss him. After pulling away, I smile up at him, and begin to fall asleep.

**Out of Emma's point of view**

Jay rolls over, not bothering to open his eyes. He feels Emma and gently puts his arm over her. His hand feels the warmth of her smooth skin. Jay runs his hand up her stomach, stopping when he gets to her chest. Finally opening his eyes, Jay sits up and draws back his arm. He looks at her, not able to take his eyes away. Emma stirs, noticing Jay sitting up so quickly. She opens her eyes to find him staring at her.

"What?" She asks, still sleepy, she tries to concentrate on what he's looking at. She looks down at herself, consciously pulling the blanket over her. "Oh, sorry,"

"No need to apologize, but when did you take your shirt off?" Jay removes his eyes from her body, now that it is covered up, and looks at her.

"I guess I got hot." Emma sheepishly replies, clutching the blanket tighter against her chest. She felt totally naked, even with her bra on. Turning her attention to the clock, she looks around for her shirt. "I'm gonna shower and get to work."

"Work? This early?" Jay queries, lying back down in his bed, allowing sleep to cast over his body. Emma nods, pulls her shirt over her head and gets out of bed.

"You know," Jay starts, closing his eyes." You didn't need to put your shirt back on, once you get to the bathroom you are going to have to take it off again." He rolls over, allowing himself to fall back asleep. Emma just laughs to herself, realizing that putting the shirt back on, was indeed pointless. She took a quick shower, thinking that it was actually luck that Jay happened to put his arm over her, realizing she had taken off her shirt; otherwise she might have been late for work. True, she had about an hour and a half until she had to be there, but there's no point in going back to sleep.

* * *

Work was long, a ten and a half hour shift, and I am extremely tired. I feel like something bad is going to happen. Walking up the stairs to Jay's apartment, approaching his door, finally getting to it, and then that something bad happens. I hear someone come up behind me, just as I get Jay's door open.

"Don't scream, I just want to talk to you." He pushes me inside. It was Mike's voice. Mike is the one with his body pressed up against mine. I walk inside, with him pushing me, too afraid to speak. "What is this, you moved out or something?"

"Emma, is that you?" Jay appears out of the room that's a little ways down from his bedroom. Apparently he was working out. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees Mike behind me. "What are you doing here?" Jay walks up to us, attempting to pull me away from Mike. In the process, Mike must have pulled out his pocket knife. The silver blade made contact with Jay's arm, creating a slice, but Jay got me away from Mike. The two start fighting, Jay is making more headway then Mike is. Punching him in the face, Mike falls to the floor, stunned. Jay picks up the house phone, calling 911. He throws the phone down onto the couch, crouching on the floor next to me. "Emma, come on, stand up." He's talking to me, but I can't hear him. I can't move. Everything has stopped. My life is a nightmare that I will never wake up from. Slowly, without thinking, my hand starts to reach for Mike's knife. My brain isn't thinking, it's almost as if I have no control over my body. I can feel Jay looking at me, and as I attain what I was reaching for, Jay's hand comes down on my arm. "No, no, come on Emma, you can't do this."

There's knocking at the door, it's the police. Jay yells for them to come in, quickly pulling my hand back to my lap. He picks me up, sitting me down on the couch. The police take a look around, asking questions, taking notes, and talking to each other. I know one of them is talking to me, but I just can't focus on them.

"Emma, are you okay?" That's Jay's voice. "If you don't want to answer their questions, you can do it later." Jay lays his hand on mine, exposing his arm to me. I see the gauze, seeping blood, and look up at him. Tears wanting to fall, I keep eye contact with him.

"I'm sorry." I apologize, but Jay just shakes his head, letting me know its okay, but its not. "I felt like someone was following me home from work, and when I got to the door, Mike was behind me." I take a deep breath. "I don't want to talk anymore, I just want my daughter."

"Okay, I'll call your mom, and have her bring her over." Jay stood up, escorting the police out of his apartment. I see him pick up the phone, "Spike, look, I know I said that Emma would be safe, but Mike followed her here from work. She's fine, he didn't hurt her, but she wants to see Lizzy. Do you want to come here, or do you want me to bring her home?" He waits for a response from mom, I presume. "Okay and I'm sorry." Jay hangs up, taking a seat next to me. "They are gonna come over. It's up to you whether or not you want to go home." Jay looks at me, maybe waiting for an answer. "Do you want to go home?" He's trying to keep his voice low, almost soft, I can tell.

"I'm sorry for bringing you into this." I manage to muster out. I look down at my lap. My life is a huge downward spiral. When is it going to end? I tried to be so happy and optimistic about me being a high school mother, but nothing is getting better. Will there ever be any upside to this?

I get interrupted by mom and Manny walking into the apartment. Mom automatically gives me Lizzy, and sits on the couch next to me. I hold my little girl, and it's almost as if all my problems fade away, but they won't… they'll never go away.

"Mom," I look up her, tears in my eyes. "Why won't it get better? What did I do wrong? Mom, I tried so hard," Looking down at Elizabeth and the peaceful expression on her face, a tear slips down my cheek. "I stayed positive through all of it, after everything he did, I tried so hard. Why won't it get better?" A couple more tears slide down my cheeks. Mom wraps her arm around me, squeezing me.

"I know honey, we are so proud of you, for how you handled the whole situation." Mom pauses, "I am so sorry you had to go through all of that, but look what you got out of it. Sweetie, she is your daughter, and you are such a good mother."

"No, I'm not, I'm terrible. I'm always working, and she won't have a father figure. I can't let go what happened to me. I don't know how to let it go mom." Tears continue to fall down my face. "I can't… I can't do this… if he won't go away. I'm sick of having nightmares. How can I be a good mother if looking at Elizabeth reminds me of that night? As much as I love her, I just can't get passed it. Why won't it get better?" I hold onto Lizzy, wishing I could get over Mike and what happened. I love Elizabeth, and she is the only good thing in my life, but I can't be a good mother if I'm miserable the rest of the time.

**Out of Emma's point of view**

Jay and Manny stood between the living room and the couch, listening and watching Emma interact with her mother and her daughter. Tears filled Manny's eyes upon hearing Emma talk about her situation. She wants to go over there, to hug her, to console her, to be her friend, but Jay holds her back. Now is a mother daughter time. Spike gives Emma another squeeze and gets off the couch, allowing Emma to just be in the room with her baby.

"Jay, I think it would be best if she stayed here. I don't think it's safe for her to be around Elizabeth right now." Spike speaks softly, not wanting Emma to over hear. Jay just looks at her.

"I don't know what to do. I mean I-" Jay has no clue how to deal with Emma in the states she's in. Spike cuts him off.

"You'll figure it out Jay, it will come easier then you think." Spike goes back over to Emma, sitting back down on the couch with her.

"Manny, I can't… I don't know how…" Jay trails off, uncertain how to finish the sentence, and the unclear thoughts in his head.

"Jay, I know you like her, and as long as you don't push her into bed with you, you will know what to do." Manny gives a small smile just as Spike takes Elizabeth from Emma. Manny gives Emma a tight hug and whispers that she loves her so much and is so proud of her into her ear. Spike and Manny leave, leaving Emma and Jay alone in the apartment.


	22. Chapter 21

Jay takes his time heading over to his couch. His head is spinning, and he doesn't want to make the wrong move and make her feel worse than she already does, if that's possible. Emma continues to sniffle, forcing herself to stop crying. Wiping her cheeks with her hands, she sits up a little straighter. Jay takes a seat next to her.

"You want to watch TV or something?" Jay asks, saying the first thing that pops into his head. Emma nods her head and shrugs, so Jay picks up the remote and settles back into the couch. Emma curls her legs underneath her and lays her head on the edge of Jay's leg. He watches her making herself comfortable, and without thinking, he picks up his hands and runs it through her hair. Closing her eyes, Emma smiles at the touch of his hand playing in her hair. Sleep overcomes her, Jay stops running his hand through her hair, resting it on her shoulder. He is tired, and he knows he won't be able to sleep in this position. Picking up Emma as carefully as he can, he walks her to his bedroom, laying her down on the bed. As he turns to walk out of the room, Emma awakes.

"Sleep with me." Emma tells him, making Jay turn around quickly, not sure he heard her correctly. Staring at her intensely, Emma realizes how that came out of her mouth. "I mean, in the same bed." She has a hard time keeping her eyes open. Jay starts walking out of the room again. "Where are you going?"

"To turn the TV off," Jay replies, heading out of his room once again. He comes back in a few seconds later to see Emma taking off her shoes and her pants. Jay just watches, not able to take his eyes away from her legs. Digging through her bag for a pair of shorts, or pajama bottoms, Emma couldn't remember what she packed. Finding a pair of shorts, Emma got off of the bed, slipping them on, all the while; Jay couldn't take his eyes off her.

"Oh, gosh, I didn't hear you come back in." Emma says as she turns around, noticing him in the doorway. Embarrassed, Emma begins pulling her shorts down. Jay comes into the room, wanting to touch her, to kiss her, but knowing he can't.

"Um, sorry," He pauses for a moment, thinking about what he can say, "Um, so, ready for bed?" He asks, saying the only thing he can think of. Walking into the room, Jay tries to take his eyes off Emma, knowing she is uncomfortable. He gets into bed, and Emma follows suit. He pulls the covers over them. Taking a moment, Emma decides whether it's best to lie next to Jay or not, for his sake, not for hers. Knowing she wasn't going to be able to sleep unless she felt safe, Emma moves closer to Jay. Not wanting to pick his sleeping position for him, she just gets as close as she can without touching him, and rolls onto her side. A few seconds later, Emma feels Jay roll over as well, emitting his body heat to her. Jay knew she was scared, and he knew that she wanted to be closer to him. Pushing his own selfish thoughts out of his mind, Jay puts his arm over her, securing her, yet letting it hug her loosely.

**Emma's point of view**

I don't know how long I was sleeping for, but I decide to roll over. I move carefully, not wanting to wake up Jay. Looking at him, I realize just how much I like him. Of course he's not wearing a shirt, not that he should. Gently, I run my hand along his chest, just barely touching my fingertips to his skin. Stopping myself so I don't wake Jay up, I very slowly get out of the bed. As I sit on the couch, everything that happened today comes into view. I am a wreck, both emotionally and physically. I guess tonight taught me that I should have gone to the cops in the first place. Maybe if I would have taken all the right steps last year, I would be over it now; maybe I wouldn't be so scared now. I don't know… maybe I'm just using this as an excuse not to get close to Jay. I like him, but I don't want to force him to change. Why can't this get any easier?

"What're you doing up?" Jay says from the entrance of the hallway. I turn around to look at him. How is it that I never hear him?

"I, um, woke up." I reply, not really sure how to answer the question. Looking over my shoulder is hurting my neck, so I turn back around to face the blank TV screen.

"Well… come back to bed." Jay sounds really tired. I look over my shoulder again and confirm what I just heard, he looks really tired too.

"No, I have work soon, and-" I watch Jay shake his head. Why is he shaking his head? Is he telling me that I don't have work? Shouldn't I know when I do and don't have work?

"Your mom called your boss and said she didn't want you to work today, and your boss agreed that you need a day off." Jay explains.

"Oh…" I turn back around to the TV. What am I supposed to do for a whole day? I can't go to work, and apparently I can't leave here till mom says it's okay. I knew they were all conspiring against me, I knew it.

"Come on," Jay motions with his head to get up. I know he's tired, but why do I have to go with him? I'm not as tired as he is.

"I'm not really tired, sorry for waking you." I look at him for a moment, but turn back around. Catching a glimpse of the clock in the kitchen, I see it's not even five in the morning yet. Hmm… it feels later than that.

"Come on, just lay down or something." Jay walks over to me, so I stand up and follow him back to his room. As we lay down in the bed, all these feelings swirl around me. Is he doing this on purpose? Is it possible that he knows that he does this to me? "What?" Jay interrupts my thoughts.

"Um, sorry," I say meekly. I guess I was staring at him. "Why are you doing all of this?" I finally ask, it's been bugging me for awhile. He looks at me and then looks away.

"I, uh… honestly…" Jay looks at me for a split second. "I don't really know. This whole thing is still kinda new for me." He sighs, trying to fight off his tiredness.

"Sorry for keeping you up." I roll over so I stop looking at him. Staring blankly at the wall, I feel Jay move behind me. As him arm falls over my side, I turn back around to face him. Looking at him, I get that same feeling in my gut. I like him… and I have to trust that. I reach up, lightly placing my lips on his. I can tell it startled him, but he kisses me back. Opening my mouth, I let my tongue find his. Several seconds later, I slowly pull away.

"Did you just kiss me?" Jay questions, a smirk forming in the corner of his lips. I can tell he's surprised. I nod slowly.

"Yeah… I guess I did." I look away from him, not quite believing I just did that. He lifts my chin up, kissing me softly. It was so soft; part of me can't believe it was Jay.

"You can anytime." There's his infamous smirk. I can't help but smile at him. Looking down, and then closing my eyes, sleep overcomes me.

* * *

Opening my eyes, I peer over Jay to see the clock, a little after twelve. I get up quietly and grab my toothbrush from my bag. After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I see that Jay is still sleeping. Slipping back into bed, I lay my hands on Jay's bare chest. They're cold from washing them. He moves back and opens his eyes while I try to stifle my laugh.

"Your hands are freezing." Jay exclaims. He pulls the blanket tighter as I try to control my giggle.

"I just washed them." I tell him, which gets me a weird look from him. I give him the look back, not seeing what he's getting at.

"How long were you awake this time?" He asks, moving closer to me. I glance at the clock on his night stand.

"Six minutes," I say, placing my hand back on his chest. He controls it this time since it's not as cold. "When am I allowed to go home?"

"Oh, so you don't want to be here anymore? I see how it is." Jay goes to roll over, but I pull him back. "Why are you asking me anyway?"

"Well, since you all conspired against me, I figured you would know when I'm allowed back into my house." I reply, emphasizing the words conspired and you.

"We did not conspire… per say. Either which way, I don't know, but if you don't want to be here just say so." Jay gives me his little smirk to let me know he's kidding. I look down.

"I miss Elizabeth." I say quietly, staring into the bed sheets. I miss her so much. Yesterday I only got to see her for like half an hour, and the circumstances surrounding it were horrible.

"Go home, you have the day off, so you can spend it with her." Jay tells me, sounding so sincere. He's been so different with me…

"So, I'll see you?" I semi-ask. He nods his head. I get out of bed, grabbing my bag and ready to head out, to go see my daughter.

"No kiss?" Jay queries. I turn around, laughing to myself. There's part of Jay, always wanting to be touching a girl. I walk back over to him, giving him a tender kiss on the lips, letting it linger. As I get to his doorway, I give him a small wave. Now I'm going home to see my baby.


	23. Chapter 22

I wouldn't say that walking into my house is weird, but I do feel like I haven't been home in forever. Snake and Jack are in the kitchen. Giving them each a hug reminds me how much I miss Elizabeth.

"Hi, I've missed you," I tell them, "Is Elizabeth here?" I feel weird asking where my own daughter is.

"Yeah, she's downstairs with Alex." Snake says as he wipes up the kitchen counters. "I just fed her, so she should be all good."

"Thanks," After giving them a warm smile I walk down to my room, dropping my bag on the floor and picking Elizabeth up. It feels so good to have her with me.

"So, how was Jay's, minus the whole Mike thing. Sorry I couldn't stop by, I was working." Lexi flips over onto her stomach. I've turned her into such a girl, I love it. "So, how was it?"

"Chill gossip queen." I smile at her, "It was… fine, I guess. I got some sleep, so that's good." I shrug it off and sit down on my bed with Lizzy in my lap.

"Oh come on, something had to have happened." Lexi kicks her legs behind her alternately. Sighing, I give in…

"Yeah, well we watched TV, worked, slept, and I kinda kissed him." Ending the sentence fast, I look up at Alex.

"You kissed him, as in a real kiss?" Lexi asks, a smile spreading on her face. "You put your tongue in his mouth?"

"Ew Lexi, don't say it like that, it sounds gross." I make a 'yuck' face. Looking down, I see Lizzy trying to match my expression, which makes me laugh. "I love you Lizzy."

"Aww, but seriously you kissed him. You kissed him." Lexi keeps repeating. "Is that all you two did?" She looks at me suspiciously.

"Yes, of course! Don't talk like that in front of the child." I joke, tickling Lizzy's stomach as I talk. I love hearing her laugh.

"So are you guys dating?" Lexi asks, her interest still fueled. I look over at her for a second… I shrug my shoulders.

"I'm not sure." I look down at Lizzy; it is so good to be home. "Are you working today?"

"Nope." Lexi rolls back over, staring up at the ceiling. I pull out my phone, calling Manny. I think we could use a girls night… good thing I have a daughter and not a son, the poor thing would probably grow up to be gay, which wouldn't be such a bad thing, at least he would know how to treat women.

* * *

I had just dropped Lizzy off at daycare; Alex and I are now pulling into the Degrassi parking lot. We part ways once we get inside the building. As I walk to my locker, I stay clear of everyone, but say hi to Manny, and then to Spinner as they ask the whole 'hey, what's up' thing. I feel someone behind me as I open my locker. Surprisingly, I'm not scared. It's Jay… and I can tell it's him by his cologne, or whatever it is he wears. The warning bell rings, and I feel Jay put his arm around me, but I take it off.

"What's wrong?" He asks, leaning on the locker besides mine. I take out my morning books and close the locker, turning to face him.

"Nothing…" I pause, watching a whole slew of kids walk past us. "It's just… whatever it is we're doing… I just think… we should keep it a secret… for now." My voice is low, and I look up to see Jay's reaction. He actually looks hurt.

"Um, yeah… sure." Jay just nods his head slightly. Sighing, I look down at the floor. I didn't mean to hurt him… I didn't even think I could hurt him.

"I just don't want Degrassi talking about it… before we…" I stop because I don't even know what this is. "I mean… are we… together… like exclusive… or…"

"Uh," Jay rubs the back of his neck, probably as unsure as I am. "I'm willing… to try… if you are." He finally answers. Smiling a little, I look at him intently.

"Are you sure?" I ask, "You do know what this means right? It would just be me and you… and I don't take well to cheating… I won't even give you a second chance… I'm gonna say that now."

"Yeah, I'm sure." Jay agrees, looking at me. He takes a step closer to me. "So, since we're alone in this hall way…" Placing his hand gently on my neck, Jay pulls me closer. As the kiss grows a little deeper, I almost drop my books. I slowly pull away.

"We're gonna be late for class." I see Jay sigh a little and I can't help but laugh to myself. "I'm leaving around twelve, and I have work until six." I tell him, seeing if he'll take the initiative to see me.

"I get off around eight." He replies, moving closer to me again. Kissing me once more, it's almost like I get sucked in, and forget everything else around me. The bell rings, making me pull away.

"Now we are late." I smirk a little. "I'll see you later." Reaching up, I give him a kiss on the cheek, placing my hand on his shoulder. I hurry off to class, hoping the teacher doesn't bug.

* * *

I thought this would be weird, you know… the whole 'dating' Jay thing. I mean… it's… different, but it's going extremely well. He has never once pushed me to go… further than I can at the moment. Even Elizabeth is taking a liking to him, and he has gotten used to always having her around. I haven't told anyone, not even Lexi, but he even plays with her, and holds her, especially when she crawls over to him. It's a secret I promised to keep for him. Lizzy's almost one now, and she's beginning to get into everything. She's going to be a little monster once she starts walking. Actually, she almost already is. Lizzy's got this addiction to cookies, she reminds me of Angelica from Rugrats. I wouldn't be surprised if that is her first word. Although, I really want it to be mom, mom not mama. Mama sounds like an old, fat housewife or something. I never thought I would be one of those parents, you know, the ones who repeatedly say a word so the child learns it. I always thought that they were treating their kid like a dog, like when you're teach it to sit or stay. I do though, not that much, but I do, do it. Anyway, I'm on my way out of Degrassi to go pick her up, I have to work a later shift tonight. Descending the steps, the warm air hits my face. It's strange how fast the year seemed to go by, only two more months left… and then, who knows what I'm going to do with my life, besides taking care of Elizabeth.

"Em, wait up." I hear Jay calling behind me. I turn around, watching him walk over to me. I look at him curiously. "What?"

"Shouldn't you be in class?" I ask as we start walking towards my car together. He puts his arm around my shoulder and shrugs.

"I'm in the bathroom." He states, and I laugh lightly. It so doesn't look like he's in the bathroom. We get to my car and I toss my bag in. "You work late tonight, right?"

"Yep," I nod my head. Leaning against the car, I fold my arms across my chest. "This is good for you… right?" Jay moves closer to me.

"Yeah, it's good for me." He smiles slightly at me. "I've been good, haven't I?" I nod to answer his question. Jay has been great, really great. "Glad we agree." He breathes as his lips make contact with mine. Unfolding my arms, I let Jay get a little closer to me. Placing his hands on my waist, I move my arms around his neck. When we pull apart, we rest our foreheads together.

"You take a long time in the bathroom." I joke, my voice is soft. He chuckles lightly, pulling away from me a bit. As I look up at him, something catches my eye. There are two, what looks to be grade nine girls, gawking at us. "Uh-oh,"

"What?" Jay looks at me, and I continue to stare past him. He turns around, looking at what I'm looking at. "Oh," He turns back to me, and I let my arms fall from his neck. "So the rumors will be spreading by the end of the day."

"Yep," I agree. Jay rubs his thumbs against my shirt. I can't decide what I should do, or say. I didn't want to be blindsided by a million and a half rumors.

"Do you want to break up with me, and then we can go back to being a secret?" He asks. I look up at him, smiling warmly.

"No… it was going to come out eventually… I mean we've been together for like four months." I give him a soft kiss on the lips. "I have to go pick up Elizabeth, so I guess I won't see you till tomorrow."

"Yeah," He pauses for a second. "I'm sorry… about them seeing us… I guess I shouldn't have… walked you out." He takes his hands off my waist.

"No, Jay, it's fine really…" I look past Jay, where the girls were standing, but by now they probably have told the whole school. "I just didn't want people talking... you know, putting a strain on us."

"They won't, besides, most of the school is afraid of me." Jay smirks at me. I give him one last kiss before getting in my car.


	24. Chapter 23

I woke up the next morning, Saturday, to see Lizzy was already up. She has gotten so big. I pick her up and head upstairs to get her some breakfast. Can you believe that she's almost one? I sit her down in her high chair and get her breakfast out. I love watching her eat, especially now that she can get most of the food in her mouth instead of on her face.

"Morning sweetie," Mom says as she enters the kitchen. She gives Elizabeth a kiss on the head, and me one too.

"Morning, coffee's fresh." I watch as Lizzy smashes her hand into her breakfast and puts a fistful of it into her mouth.

"She really is adorable." Mom looks at her as she sips her coffee. I nod in agreement. "What are you doing today?"

"Its nice out and I actually have today off, so I figured I could take Lizzy somewhere." I look at mom, "Maybe a park or a zoo or something."

"That'll be nice." Mom sits across from me at the table. "I'm sure she'd like that." We both turn our attention to Elizabeth until we hear Lexi come up the stairs. "Morning sleepyhead."

"Ugh," Was all Alex said as she went to get a cup of coffee. "I had a late shift last night, and I am tired."

"We can see that." I give Lexi a small smile. "You gonna spend today sleeping?"

"Hopefully," Alex lets out her own little smile as she sits down next to me. "What do you have planned?"

"I was thinking about taking Lizzy somewhere." I ponder over it, where I can go with my daughter that's far enough away from people I know. Snake comes into the kitchen, in need of some coffee as well. "Morning dad."

"Good morning Em," He gives Spike a kiss, and Lizzy one on the head. "You're the only one who doesn't look tired." I look at mom and Lexi, and he's right. Everyone else looks beat.

"Lucky me," I finish off my coffee and get up to rinse my cup out. We hear a knock on the door, and after looking at everyone I decide to just yell, "It's open!" I wash my cup out and turn around to see Jay in the kitchen doorway.

"Da!" Lizzy exclaims, throwing her arms in the air as she looked at Jay. We all turn to look at her. "Da-da!" She shouts giggling. Snake drops the coffee cup in his hand, letting it smash onto the floor. Lizzy looks over at him, watching the pieces go all over the floor. I think we are all feeling the same thing, stunned and confused, I know I am. I'm pretty sure she just called Jay 'dad'. I get up and start picking up the broken pieces of the cup.

"Archie, why don't we go see if Jack is up yet." Spike picks up Elizabeth and pulls Snake out of the kitchen with her. Jay moves from the doorway to let them pass.

"I'm gonna… go see if I can get back to sleep." Lexi gets up, leaving her cup on the table since the sink is surrounded by shattered glass. I hold the big pieces in my hand, getting up to throw them out. As I let them fall from my hand, a piece cuts my palm.

"Ow," I breathe, watching my skin start to open. Jay moves from his spot, walking over to me. He takes my hand and puts it under the faucet. "I'm fine." I tell him as he rinses my hand off.

"You're bleeding." He states, grabbing a paper towel to dry my hand. He holds it on my palm, just staring into it.

"I'm sorry," I look up at him, waiting for him to look at me. "I didn't… want you to be put in… this position." I tell him, thinking back to what Lizzy had said.

"No, its fine… it just caught me off guard." He looks back down at my hand. I feel horrible, like he's pulling away from me.

"If you want… to… not do this… anymore… I understand." I say softly, almost choking to get the words out.

"I'm just a little… stunned…" He looks at my hand, seeing that it has stopped bleeding. Throwing the paper towel away, he turns back to me.

"I'm sorry," I utter again, "I don't know what put that thought it in her head." She is barely even one, how can she even process what Jay is to her?

"It's fine… a little weird, but fine…" He pauses, "I never thought I would ever, ever hear anyone call me dad, or a variation of it."

"Is it going to bother you? I mean I could try to get her to say something else… maybe she was just repeating, or trying to repeat me this morning when I was talking to Snake… maybe-" Jay cuts me off. He takes my uncut hand in his.

"Don't worry about it, its fine." He gives me a kiss on the lips. "I just stopped by to see you before I had to go in for work."

"And you got a show." I finished. "I should clean up the rest of the broken cup." Bending down, I wipe the floor up, making sure there was no glass on the floor. "You'll let me know… if this… bothers you, right?" I look at him hopefully.

"Yeah, I will." He reassures me, giving me another kiss. "I have to get going, but I'll see you tonight." After giving me one more kiss, Jay heads out of the house and off to work. I just stare into space, Elizabeth said her first word.

* * *

"She said what?" Manny exclaims, turning her head to look at me. We are walking around the zoo, Elizabeth is in her stroller. I look up at Manny for a moment.

"Yeah, she definitely shouted 'Da-da' when Jay walked in the room." I told her, shaking my head a bit. "She said her first 'word'… sort of."

"Aww, you're upset she didn't say mom first?" Manny asks. I simply nod my head. I am upset. I always thought she would have said mom first.

"Yeah, I mean I am her mother, she doesn't have a father, not really anyway. Jay was so freaked out. He kept telling me that it was fine, but I know it wasn't." We stop to look at the zebras. Lizzy is in her own little world, giggling, and clapping her hands.

"It is understandable." Manny watches the zebras move about, "I mean Jay is… Jay." She turns to me and we start walking again.

"Yeah, I know… I didn't want that to happen." I exhale loudly. "I just… I don't know… I mean now everyone knows we're dating and now Lizzy thinks Jay's her dad. What's going to happen next?"

"Hopefully nothing," Manny laughs lightly. "Not much else can happen. I'm sure nothing will happen Em." I shrug my shoulders, not really believing her.

"I guess we should head back. It's a long ride." I peer over the stroller to see Elizabeth. "My little sleeping beauty over here agrees." Lizzy lets out a tiny yawn.

"Aww," Manny coos. "That is so priceless." We start walking towards the exit. "You know, I think this will blow over. You and Jay will be fine."

"Yeah, I hope so." I lower my voice. "I like him Manny, I really like him." Manny puts her arm around me, giving me a side hug. Hopefully, this will just blow over, but with my luck… probably not.

"I'll put her in the car seat." Manny picks her up and opens the back door. Opening the trunk, I fold up the stroller and lay it down. As I close the drunk, Manny pulls herself out of the back seat and closes the door. "Is Jay good with her?"

"Good with her?" I repeat, "You mean like nice?" Manny nods her head. I open up the driver side door as I answer. "Yeah," Manny climbs in and I start the car. "I mean, he's not mean to her." I stop talking about it. Jay made me promise to never tell anyone about how good, how amazing he treats Lizzy, so that definitely includes Manny.

"That's good," Manny says, getting comfortable in her seat. I nod my head in agreement. "Don't worry Em, this will work out." Right, I hope so.


	25. Chapter 24

You ready for today?" Jay asks me. I just shrug, not even knowing if he can see me. He's sitting on my bed, and I'm in the bathroom, brushing my hair, applying some light make up.

"It's inevitable, right? I mean, might as well get it over with." I say to him as I run the brush through my hair. Gosh, this is going to be a rumor filled day.

"'Get it over with', you act like you don't like me." Jay replies. I can hear the disappointment that he's trying to hide. Walking out of the bathroom, I give him a soft look.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." Standing before him, I let out a small sigh. "Of course I like you; otherwise I wouldn't care about all the rumors."

"I think you're backwards." Jay lets out a smirk. "Besides, now I can do this," He pulls me into his lap, kissing me on the lips. "Whenever I want… I kinda like it."

"Is that all you can think about?" I giggle as Jay nods his head yes. "I meant that with everyone talking, things are going to be flying left and right, and I didn't want everyone putting words in our mouths."

"They won't, just relax." Jay kisses me again. "Or we can just not go to school." He kisses me again. I shake my head slightly, a smile forming on my lips.

"We have to go to school… if not, people will definitely be talking." I pull myself off his lap. Taking his hands in mine, I attempt to pull him up too, but instead, he pulls me into him. Our lips crash together, and I forget what I was doing. Very swiftly, Jay rolls us over, with him on top. He is so good at doing things like that. I hadn't even realized that he did it until the kiss deepened. I pull away, taking shallow breaths. Jay continues kissing me, my lips, and my cheek. "Jay," I can tell he's smirking, but he continues to kiss me. "Jay, we have to go to school. We're going to be late."

"Fine," He groans, holding himself over me, "Only a month or so left and we're out of there." I push him off me, sitting up myself. He stands up, holding his hand out to pull me off the bed. Pulling me into him again, out lips meet. If Jay keeps this up, we aren't going to make it to school.

I braced myself. I didn't know how well this whole first day as an 'official' couple was going to go. I know there will be stares and whispers and about a million and a half rumors. Walking up the front steps, Jay and I look as if we are just friends. That's how I want it to stay. I was never one of those people who would be all over her boyfriend anyway. I can hear the rumors starting already, and it actually made me laugh a little. I'm not going to let stupid stuff like that get to me.

For some reason, I didn't think the school day would go normally, with everyone knowing that Jay and I are dating, but it did. I mean, Jay and I didn't act any differently around each other than we normally do, so most were probably confused as to if we are really dating or not. Jay has been so great, and has changed so much, when it comes to me anyway. I don't think he realizes how grateful I am to him, for him. I really don't know how things would have turned out with out him; I really don't want to know how things would have turned out without him.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked as she walks down the stairs to the room she shares with Emma.

"I live here." Emma answered, giving Alex a little smirk. With a roll of her eyes, Alex let out a little smirk as well.

"You're not working today smart-aleck?" Alex queried, "Where's Elizabeth?" Alex sat down on her bed, letting her back hit the mattress.

"Mom wanted some alone time with her granddaughter or something, she took Jack and Lizzy somewhere or another." Emma waved it off, too focused on something else.

"That's unlike you, to not know where you kid is." Alex stated, watching Emma with a close eye, "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing… nothing really… I don't know." Emma sighed, falling back on her own bed. "I have this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach."

"You sick or something?" Alex questioned, rolling over to her stomach so she can get a better view of Emma.

"Lexi, this is big." Emma told her, "It's… Jay." She finally spit out. Letting out a sigh, Emma closed her eyes.

"What about Jay?" Alex asked since Emma didn't continue her sentence, "Did he try to make you--"

"No, no, never," Emma cut her off, "He's been trying really hard, really, really hard, for me… and I just… I don't think he knows how much I appreciate that." Emma sat up to lock eyes with Alex.

"Tell him," Alex said as if it were simple, "If you don't think he knows just tell him how good he's been for you."

"I don't want to just blurt it out." Emma shook her head, "I don't know, I've been feeling weird lately." She shrugged, figuring that she is hopeless. "Maybe it's just because graduation is coming up."

"Maybe," Alex agreed, but not actually believing it. She knew Emma was falling for Jay, hard, but she just wasn't able to admit it yet.

"Do you think it's wrong that I don't want to participate in the graduation?" Emma asked, "I just don't want to walk down the stage and shake hands."

"Nah, I don't want to either," Alex said, "You know, you don't have to, it's not like you get your actual diploma on the stage."

"I think mom and Snake want me to." Emma replied, falling back on her bed, "Wouldn't you think it would be better if we had our own mini party, with just us, you know the family." Emma suggested.

"That would work for me, although I'm not technically family." Alex shrugged as she sat up.

"Of course you're family," Emma told her, "When they get back, you should help me talk them into it."

* * *

Standing in the kitchen, Emma was trying her best to cook for eight people and hold Lizzy. For some reason, Elizabeth would cry every time Emma put her down, and she knew that she shouldn't hold her daughter every time she cries, but she couldn't help it. Alex and Emma successfully talked Spike and Snake into having an at-home graduation. Emma was making raviolis with homemade sauce, but was having trouble staying on task.

"Em, you want some help?" Lexi asked, appearing in the kitchen doorway. Emma shook her head, but Alex could tell she needed some. "Why don't I take this little monster off your hands?" Lizzy immediately giggled upon hearing Alex's nickname for her.

"Me monster," Elizabeth repeated, her mouth in a wide grin. For a one year old, she could say some pretty big words.

"How about you go play with Froggy." Emma said to Lizzy as she stirred the sauce. Froggy is what Emma began calling Lizzy's Leap Frog. Emma was set on teach her child early, and Lizzy was already doing all the one to two age group things that Emma could get her hands on. Lizzy joyfully ran to the leaving room to play Froggy with her Uncle Jack.

"Em, why are you driving yourself crazy?" Alex inquired, taking the spoon from Emma and began stirring the sauce. With her hand free, Emma went to set the table.

"I just want to do something nice for everyone." Emma folded the napkins, setting them by the plates, "Who knows when the next time we'll all be together will be."

"Yeah, but you don't have to go crazy." Alex pointed out, "There are a houseful of people here and two on the way." Alex referred to Manny and Jay, who are coming over later.

"I know mom and Snake really wanted to see me walk down that stupid stage, and I know they are only doing this because I want it, so I want it to be special, for them." Emma explained, even though Alex knew all that, "Plus, I haven't seen Jay or Manny in a while… I just want this to be special, is that such a bad thing?" Emma asked, looking at Alex.

"No, it's not," Alex placed the spoon on the edge of the pot, "But we can help." Alex helped Emma with the rest of the table, "Is Lizzy going to have raviolis?"

"I don't know if she'll like them, but we'll see." Emma answered, setting up a smaller table for Jack and Lizzy.

"Em, look at what I drew!" Jack exclaimed, holding his picture out as he walked towards his big sister. Emma took it from his small hands.

"You did a great job," Emma walked towards the fridge, "I'm going to hang it right here on the fridge so we can see it while we eat dinner." She hung it up and walked back over to Jack, "I hope you're showing Lizzy how to be a good artist like you."

"I am," Jack concurred and scurried out of the room to go back to playing with Lizzy. Emma let out a little smile as she went back to the food. Dinner was almost ready as she heard knocking on the door. Manny entered, and Emma could hear her greeting everyone on the way to the kitchen.

"Hey Em, I see you're going all out." Manny reached over to give Emma a slight hug, "Hey Alex."

"She is going all out, and not letting anyone help her." Alex told Manny, and both girls turned to look at Emma.

"Dinner's almost done, so how about you go take a shower and change." Manny suggested, taking Emma's spot at the stove.

"But--" Emma started, but Alex pushed her towards the basement doorway.

"It's almost done, there is no possible way we can screw it up, promise." Manny said as she stirred the sauce, "Plus, Snake is right in the living room."

Giving in, Emma walked down the stairs and got in the shower. The water felt relaxing, and she felt even more refreshed when she got out. After drying herself off, and towel drying her hair some, Emma walked to her closet. Deciding on simple black tie Capri's and a nice fitted buttoned down shirt, Emma was ready to go upstairs. Before she could, Jay was coming down the stairs.

"Hey, I was just on my way up." Emma said as she walked over to him. She greeted him with a small kiss on the lips.

"Well, let's stay down here a little longer." Jay recommended as he leaned down to kiss her. Their mouths met and Emma snaked her arms around his neck to hug her body to his. Slowly, she pulled away.

"They're waiting for us," Emma told him as Jay kissed her cheek repeatedly, getting ever so close to her neck. Emma took a quick breath as Jay's lips kissed her neck.

"They can wait a little longer." Jay breathed as he made his way back to her lips. Emma kissed him back before pulling away.

"Jay," She started, not really upset, but not wanting to keep her family waiting. He gave her a soft look, trying to hide what he was really feeling.

"Okay, I'm stopping." He gave her a small smirk, but she saw through it. Her expression saddened and she took her hands off his neck.

"What's wrong?" Emma asked. Jay looked down for a minute, wondering how he should answer her. He looked up when he felt the warmth of her finger tips on his cheek.

"Nothing's wrong," Jay decided to lie a little, not wanting to ruin Emma's dinner. "I am starving though, let's go eat." Jay took her hand in his and headed up the stairs. Emma followed him up, even though she didn't believe him.

"Look Em, we didn't screw it up." Manny announced as she saw Emma enter the kitchen. Emma let out a small smile for Manny and went of to Elizabeth. She began making her plate, cutting the ravioli for her. Jay watched as he took his seat. He really hated group dinners, but watching Emma with Lizzy put him at ease, and for some reason, he couldn't tell Emma no. And even though this was all still pretty new for him, he knew that it was good, it is a good thing.

As the dinner winded down, Emma got up and began cleaning the counters. She began on the stove when her mom stopped her. Taking the dishes out of her hands, Spike set them on the counter and turned to Emma.

"You're not cleaning up." Spike told her, "Lizzy and Jack will play in the living room, and we'll clean up the kitchen while you go relax."

Emma didn't dare argue with her mom. She just headed down to her room. Spike motioned for Jay to go with Emma. As he got to the bottom stair, he watched Emma sigh and fall back on her bed.

"What's wrong?" Jay asked, standing beside the bed, peering down at her. Emma looked at him briefly before staring up at the ceiling.

"I know something's bothering you." She said, not taking her eyes off the ceiling. Jay sat down beside her, knowing full well he couldn't lie to her.

"It's nothing big," Hs started out, "I just… we hardly get to spend any alone time together… and I know with Lizzy its hard… but we hardly get to spend time with just us, the three of us together… this is hard, you know… I don't know." Jay stopped rambling, falling back on the bed beside Emma. Talking about your feelings was as hard as he thought it was, maybe even harder.

"Oh Jay," Emma rolled on to her side, gently placing her hand on Jay's cheek. "I know it's hard, but maybe things will be easier since we're out of school. I mean, I'll still be living here for a while, while I take a couple college classes, but I promise to work harder so we can spend more time together."

"Yeah?" Jay questioned, a smirk forming on his lips. That was all he needed to hear, just hearing Emma wanting to spend more time with him made him feel better. Jay knew he was in deep. Emma nodded and gave Jay a soft kiss. Taking full advantage of the moment, Jay moved Emma so she was resting on top of his body. Wrapping his arms around her, he deepened the kiss. Emma gently nibbled on his bottom lip, causing Jay to squeeze her a little tighter. Slowly, he slid his hand up the back of her shirt, and felt Emma stiffen a little. He let it rest of her lower back, happy to feel her skin against his. Emma relaxed when she knew Jay wasn't going anywhere with his hand. She kissed him harder before pulling away. Smiling at him, Emma gently ran her hand through his hair. Putting her head down on his chest, Emma closed her eyes as she continued to run her fingers through his hair. Jay rubbed her back soothingly, hoping what he was doing felt as good as Emma's fingers in his hair. "Em?" He whispered, not knowing if she was sleeping or not.

"Hmm?" Emma responded, not opening her eyes, though Jay couldn't see her. She was sleepy, but she wasn't asleep.

"Get up for a sec." Jay said. Emma forced herself to move from her comfortable position. She sat up beside him, watching Jay get up.

"Sorry, I--" Emma began, but Jay stopped her. He laid across the bed long ways and pulled Emma onto him.

"I just wanted to stretch out." He assured her as he went back to rubbing Emma's back. Instantly, Emma closed her eyes as she played with his hair. In seconds, Emma was fast asleep.

Alex and Manny descended the stairs, wondering what Jay and Emma were up to. As they got to the bottom, they exchanged looks with each other before staring back at the couple on the bed.

"Aren't they adorable?" Manny gushed, whipping out her cell phone to snag a picture or two of them.

"She has to be a good six inches shorter than him." Alex whispered to Manny. "Should we wake them up?" Alex and Manny debated what to do as Lizzy scooted herself down the basement stairs. The girls turned around to see her trying to slide down the stairs. Manny held her arms out, allowing Elizabeth to hold onto them. Once Lizzy's feet were on the floor, she climbed up on Emma's bed and sat on her mom's back.

"Mommy," Lizzy poked Emma in the face, laughing as she did so. Emma stirred, realizing she couldn't move. Lizzy slid off her back and gave Emma a kiss on the cheek. Opening her eyes, all Emma saw were Lizzy's big hazel pupils with specks of yellow in them.

"Hi sweetie," Emma said groggily. Jay heard Emma talking to Elizabeth, but didn't want to move. That was, until Lizzy moved up to him, giving him a kiss on the cheek also. Alex and Manny stifled their urge to 'aw'.

"Hey kiddo," Jay opened his eyes, looking at Elizabeth, "You wanna take a nap? I think its naptime." Jay told her, but Lizzy shook her head. "Yeah, I think so, come here," Jay removed one arm from Emma and moved it so it was around Lizzy. She layed her head down next to Emma's and Jay secured his arm around her. The three of them looked picture perfect.

"Aww," Alex and Manny blurted out, unable to hold it in any longer. Jay and Emma turned to look at them, not noticing them standing there until now, while Lizzy laughed.

"How long have you guys been down here for?" Emma asked as she rolled off Jay and sat up beside him. Lizzy took Emma's place and layed on top of Jay.

"Since Lizzy poked your face," Alex replied, watching the way Elizabeth was acting with Jay, but kept her mouth shut. Jay sat up as well, holding Lizzy as he did so. He sat Lizzy between him and Emma.

"Ah," Emma picked Lizzy up, tickling her stomach. "So, you staying here tonight Manny?" Emma asked, looking up to see her.

"Sure," Manny shrugged, "We can have a girl's night, and Jay can be our model." Smiling, Manny watched Jay shake his head.

"I don't think so," Jay leaned over to Emma, giving her a kiss and whispering in her ear before speaking out loud, "I have work in the morning, so later." Jay got up, giving Alex a playful shove as he disappeared up the stairs.

"So what was that smile about?" Manny sat down beside Emma, where Jay had been sitting, "You know, that smile you smiled as Jay whispered in your ear."

"Sweet nothings," Emma replied mischievously. Alex came over and sat on the other side of Emma. Emma hid her smirk.

"You two got it bad for each other. This is the first time I've ever seen Jay like this." Alex said to Emma, and Manny nodded in agreement.

"He's really changed, you're lucky." Manny added, "I wish I had my own guy."

"Or girl," Alex suggested, talking about herself. The three laughed, as well as Lizzy, although she didn't understand what Aunt Lexi had meant.


	26. Chapter 25

Emma and Jay were in her room, spending some time together before he went in for work. It had been a while since they had the same day off, but they were trying not to complain about it. Elizabeth was upstairs, playing with Jack. The two were standing in front of each other, Jay's hands resting on Emma's waist as the two kissed. Placing one of her hands on top of his, Emma moved his hand up her body. Jay, realizing what she was doing, pulled back, and broke away from the kiss.

"What are you doing?" He asked, giving Emma a quizzical look. Emma just sighed, she had a feeling this was going to not end well.

"You never touch me." She told him, watching his expression slowly change, "So, I figured I'd do it for you." Emma shrugged; hoping that was all there was to it.

"I was touching you… my hands were on you." Jay replied, "I thought this whole thing was supposed to be moving slow."

"It is moving slow… do you not want to go to the next level?" Emma asked, and Jay just shook his head.

"No, you don't want to go to the next level." Jay pointed out. Emma folded her arms across her chest.

"Don't tell me what I want." Emma said, watching him intently. Jay sighed, not knowing how exactly to handle this situation.

"Em," Jay paused, trying to search for words. He didn't speak up once he saw Lizzy scooting herself down the stairs. Emma walked over to her, picking her up.

"We won't talk about this in front of her." Emma told him, speaking in a low, yet normal tone. Oblivious, Lizzy just twirled Emma's hair around her finger.

"Okay," Jay agreed, nodding his head slightly, "I'm gonna leave for work." Jay went to give Emma a kiss, but she turned her head away. Knowing she was going to stay upset for a while, Jay went to go upstairs.

"JJ," Lizzy started crying. Emma was relieved that she finally got Lizzy to stop referring to Jay as 'daddy', but she was a little upset that Elizabeth seemed to be more attached to him than her. Reaching her arms out towards Jay, Lizzy waited for him to take her. He didn't disappoint her.

"I have to get to work; I'll be back, okay?" Jay talked to her soothingly, even though he really didn't think she would understand. Lizzy nodded her head and reached back to go back to Emma. Jay handed her back to her mother, gave Emma a kiss on the cheek and left for work. Sighing, Emma looked at Elizabeth.

* * *

"Yeah?" Jay spoke into his phone. He cradled it between his ear and his shoulder as he began working.

"Jay?" Manny asked, making sure she had called the right person because she never had called Jay before.

"Well I don't let anyone else answer my phone." Jay retorted into the phone, too focused on his work to even think about who was calling him.

"Did you see Emma today?" Manny asked, realizing it was Jay once she heard his smart-aleck comment. Jay's ears perked up a bit as he heard 'Emma'.

"Yeah, who is this?" Jay asked, finally acknowledging who it was that was on the other end of the phone.

"It's Manny, you idiot." She answered, "How many other people call you asking for Emma?"

"What do you want, I'm working." Jay ignored Manny's question, since no one ever really called Jay looking for Emma, not even Alex, and Alex didn't sound anything like Manny.

"I asked if you saw Emma today. She seems a little upset." Manny told him. Jay sighed as he took the phone off his shoulder and held it in his hand.

"She's mad at me." Jay replied gruffly as he picked up a heavy toolbox with his free hand. He set it down and cradled his cell phone between his shoulder and his ear again.

"Why, what happened?" Manny asked, curiosity percolating within her. Recognizing Manny's tone, Jay sighed again.

"No offense or anything," Jay started, "But you aren't really the person I'd talk to about this." Jay said truthfully.

"Yeah, but you can, I mean, it is about Emma, right?" Manny questioned, although she tried not to sound like she didn't believe him.

"Yes, it's about Emma." Jay answered. Trying to focus on the job at hand, he cradled the phone back between his ear and shoulder and began working on the car.

"Well… what is it?" Manny persisted; annoyed that she had to repeat her question two times already.

"She's mad because I wouldn't touch her." Jay told her, trying his best to keep his cell in a comfortable spot on his shoulder as he worked with both hands.

"What… I don't think I heard that correctly." Manny sounded confused, and Jay figured she also had a confused look on her face to go with it.

"I was over there today," Jay began, "and she took my hand and moved it up her body. I pulled back, asking what she was doing, and she told me that I never touch her. She said I don't want to go to the next level. Emma isn't ready for the next level." Jay finished and then brusquely asked, "Is that enough detail for you?"

"Jay," Manny ignored Jay's last remark, "You know what happened with Mike--" Manny abruptly stopped talking as Jay cut her off.

"Yeah, I know the jist of it and I don't want details." Jay interrupted, trying to keep his tone normal.

"I know, I just mean that she wants to be able to know that if you do go a little farther with her, that once she can't handle it, and she tells you no, then you will stop. I'm sure she's not really mad at you, and I agree that she's not exactly ready to have sex, but I think she just wants to know you care about her." Manny explicated. Jay nodded in agreement, even though Manny couldn't see him, "Anyway, that's all I called for so later." Manny hung up. Jay let the phone slide from his shoulder to his hand.

* * *

Emma knew that Jay was working late so as she got off work, she drove over to the garage. Silently, Emma got out and started walking over to the door. Every time she took a step forward, she would take a step back, but she knew she had to apologize for being so emotional. As she neared the door to the garage, Emma saw Jay in there with a girl. Her first instinct was to run away, or to go in there and yell at him, but she did neither. Her feet were planted on the ground and she couldn't move. Peering around the wall, Emma watched noiselessly.

"Thank you for fixing it so fast." The woman said to him. She looked descent, maybe in her early twenties.

"It's my job." Jay replied, trying not to look at her. Jay had never turned anyone down that threw themselves at him before, so he knew this was going to be different.

"Maybe there's a way I can pay for it." The woman suggested, getting ever so close to Jay.

"Yeah, paying the bill," He couldn't help but to smirk. Now he realized what girls looked like when they acted like this.

"Yeah, but maybe there's something extra I can do, like a tip…" The woman put her arms around his neck as her seductive words left her mouth. Shaking his head a bit, Jay stepped out of her arms. For a moment, Emma didn't think Jay was going to pass her up, especially after going so long without having sex.

"Sorry, but I have to start closing up." Jay told her, walking away as he did so. The woman rolled her eyes, realizing this was a waste of time. Emma leaned against the wall as the woman left the shop, got in her car, and drove away. For some reason, Emma still couldn't move. She felt bad for snapping at him this morning, and now she felt bad for not believing in him. The minutes rolled by before Emma grasped that Jay just turned the woman down, and this morning he didn't take advantage of her when she threw herself at him. Finally, Emma ran-walked into the garage. As she spotted Jay, Emma jumped into his arms.

"What are you doing? I almost didn't catch you." Jay said, but Emma immediately put her mouth to his. Placing her hands on his cheeks, Emma pulled his face to hers as she slipped her tongue into his mouth. Holding onto her tightly as the kiss continued to deepen, Jay let his hands rest on the back of her thighs, centimeters from her butt. "Hey, let me finish taking my jumpsuit off." Jay had broken the kiss, in need of some air, and from the looks of it Emma did too. Jay's jumpsuit was hanging around his waist, as he had just slipped his arms out of it when Emma jumped into his arms. He let her go, letting Emma's feet meet the floor. "What was that for anyway?" He asked. All this time, Jay had thought Emma was mad at him.

"It's my apology." Emma watched Jay took off the rest of his jumpsuit. He looked at her, confused, so Emma went on to explain, "This morning… I don't know… I was just… emotional or something… I didn't mean to…"

"I know," Jay told her, not letting Emma finish the rest of her thought. She gave him a warm smile. As he returned it, Jay stepped closer to her, pulling her body into his as well. Smiling a bit more, Emma wrapped her arms around his neck. They locked eyes for a second before they both leaned forward to kiss each other. With one hand on the top of his shoulder, Emma moved her other hand to his hair. Jay's hands caressed Emma's back, pulling her as close to him as possible. The minutes rolled by before the two pulled apart to catch their breath. "Don't you have to be getting home?"

"Oh, yeah," Emma looked at him sheepishly, "I almost forgot." Jay gave her his smirk. He loved the fact that he could make Emma forget what she was doing.

* * *

After that, things seemed to go back to normal. However, Emma was a bit clingier towards Jay, and he didn't want anything bad to happen. He didn't want to remind her of Mike in anyway, but he loved that Emma wanted to be around him so much. It proved to him that he was making the right choices, and taking the necessary steps to be with Emma. Emma, on the other hand, had no idea what she was feeling. She felt as if she was all over the place, and it was beginning to scare her. To top things off, her birthday was coming up, her eighteenth birthday. It wasn't as big as Emma thought it would be, not to her anyway. She really didn't care that she was turning eighteen, Emma had other, and bigger things to deal with.

"Mommy," Lizzy came scooting down the basement stairs. Emma turned to face her daughter.

"I thought you were playing with Uncle Jack?" Emma asked, as Lizzy walked over to her. She climbed up the bed, shoving the movie she had in her hand in Emma's face. "Oh, Peter Pan," Emma took the movie. For some reason, Emma thought Lizzy's favorite Disney movie would have been Cinderella or Snow White, or one of those clichés, but it wasn't. Peter Pan and The Aristocrats were on the top of the list for little Elizabeth, along with Lady and the Tramp. Emma liked those movies better than Cinderella and Snow White, so she had no complaints when Lizzy asked to watch them over, and over, and over again. Emma put the movie in and settled into bed with her daughter. It was a nice feeling, to work all day and come home and have Lizzy want to sit with her. To Emma, it was one of the best feelings in the world. These thoughts brought Emma's mind to another someone: Jay. Being with him gave Emma the same feelings, the feeling of being loved, as the ones Elizabeth gave her.

Even though she was tired, Emma tried to stay awake through her hundredth time of watching Peter Pan. She was gently running her fingers through Lizzy's hair as she tried to keep her eyes open. It was getting to be Elizabeth's bedtime soon, so Emma hoped the movie would end and Lizzy would just magically fall asleep. Jay descended the stairs, just ending his shift at the garage.

"Hey," Jay said to both girls as he got down the last few steps. He took a couple more steps to be at Emma's bed.

"Shh! Tink's on," Lizzy shushed, placing her little index finger over her mouth. Jay made an innocent shrug as he bent down to give Emma a kiss on the cheek. Tinkerbell was Lizzy's favorite character; she was absolutely beguiled by the small pixie. Jay walked around to the other side of the bed to sit beside Emma. As he momentarily blocked the TV, Lizzy waved her tiny hands frantically.

"Sorry," Jay hurried to the bed, making sure he was out of the way of the TV. He sat beside Emma, picking up Lizzy so he could be closer to his girlfriend. Lizzy sat on both Jay's and Emma's laps as she focused on the last half hour of the movie. Yawning quietly, Emma covered her mouth. There was no way she could tell Lizzy she had to go to bed until after the movie was over. Glancing over at her, Jay rested his hand on the back of her neck, gently massaging his fingers into her skin. Sighing in reprieve, Emma bent her head down, letting Jay have more access to her neck. Not soon enough, the credits came rolling across the screen.

"Again," Lizzy asked after she yawned. Emma picked her head up; gently shaking it as she watched Lizzy's sleeping face.

"I think it's time for bed sweetie." Emma told her. She got out of bed, picking up Elizabeth, "Which pajama outfit do you want?" Emma held up her pink nightie, and her green one. After just watching Tinkerbell in Peter Pan, Lizzy opted for her green one. After helping her daughter undress, Emma slipped the gown over Elizabeth's arms. With a kiss on the forehead, Emma tucked Lizzy into her little bed, "Sweet dreams sweetie." Emma heard Lizzy yawn as she rolled over to face the wall. In a couple minutes, Lizzy was sound asleep. Jay held out his arm for Emma to climb back into her bed.

"So, your birthday's coming up," Jay said in a low tone. They stayed quiet, not wanting to wake up Elizabeth, "What do you want to do?"

"Nothing," Emma answered truthfully, but went on to explain as she saw Jay's confused expression, "This past year… and a half has been so hectic, I just… I don't know… I just want quiet, you know?" She looked up at him, wondering if she had made any sense.

"You want to be alone?" He questioned, hoping she didn't because he had already requested to be off work that day.

"No, no," Emma shook her head delicately; "I just don't want to do anything. I just want to stay in. I don't want anything really. I mean I know mom and Snake want to do something, but I figure after a little family time, I could just hang out with you."

"Whatever you want to do is fine with me." Jay stated, smiling softly at Emma. He didn't know what it was about her, but whenever he looked into her eyes, he felt something he had never experienced before. Leaning down a bit, Jay let his lips find Emma's. He brought one hand up to the side of her neck, letting his thumb brush ever so lightly across her cheek. Their lips parted, allowing them further room for a familiar exploration.

"Can you stay here tonight?" Emma asked in a shy whisper as they pulled apart. Keeping his hand on her neck, Jay let his thumb brush against the soft skin of her cheek once more.

"Won't we get in trouble?" He queried. Emma loved when he looked concerned. She knew he didn't want to get her into any trouble.

"No, we shouldn't," Emma started, looking down at her legs, "I mean, we aren't… doing anything… plus, Lizzy's down here, and I would never… in front of Lizzy." Emma stopped, feeling as if she was going to ramble on.

"Then I'll stay," Jay gave her another warm smile, making Emma's heart melt. She quietly pushed herself out of bed, knowing Jay was wondering where she was going.

"I have a pair of pajama pants that will fit you, if you don't want to sleep in jeans." Emma bent down, pulling open her bottom draw to pull out the pants for Jay. He stood up, standing behind her and reaching for the pants. To thank her, Jay kissed her tenderly on the cheek. Quietly, Jay unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. Trying not to stare at him, Emma went back to her bed, pulling her covers down. Jay laid his jeans over the chair and went back over to Emma.

"I like this," Jay whispered as he stood behind Emma once again. Placing each hand on either side of her waist, Jay kissed her cheek again. Emma smiled as she finished pulling the blankets down. Turning to face him, she kissed him on his lips, allowing them to linger before getting into bed. Jay got in after her.

"Thank you," Emma whispered softly into his ear. She gave him a soft kiss and rested herself into the curve of his body. Before Jay could ask why Emma was thanking him, she was asleep. Wrapping his arm over her body, he sighed contently. He didn't know he would like this so much.

Waking up with her was an incredibly new feeling for Jay. Never in his life did he feel something like this before. He dreaded having to get up and go to work. Instead of thinking about work, Jay gently ran his fingers across her arm. As he peered over her, Jay saw that Emma was still asleep. Watching her sleep was another new feeling for him. Jay was totally and utterly drowning. Turning his attention to her clock on the nightstand, Jay saw that he had to go in thirty minutes. He didn't want to wake her up, but he did want to kiss her. Lightly, he kissed her shoulder. Emma shifted slightly as she felt Jay getting out of bed.

"Hey, where are you going?" Emma murmured. She rolled over so she could be face to face with him although her eyes were still closed.

"I didn't want to wake you." Jay moved closer to her, "I have to leave for work soon." He told her as he pulled the covers back over him.

"No," Emma said, snuggling in closer to Jay. She put her arm over his waist, hugging him tightly. The hold she had over Jay was unlike anything else. He sighed contently as Emma got as close to him as she possible could right then and there. Draping his arm over her, Jay kissed her lips. As it intensified, Jay slowly stroked her back. Breaking apart for air, Jay bent his head down a bit, resting it in the crook of Emma's shoulder. Emma, on the other hand, wasn't thinking about oxygen. Flippantly, Emma traced the collar of his shirt with her fingertip before planting a kiss on his skin. Pulling his collar down, Emma made more skin available for her. She continued to plant kisses on his neck. All she felt was Jay's hot breath tickling her neck, making her giggle as she kissed his neck. Jay held her tighter. He couldn't believe she was making him this crazy, just by kissing his collarbone. Jay was actually trying to stifle his urge to moan, burying his head into her shoulder.

"Oh," Jay's moan was muffled and sounded faint, but Emma definitely heard it. She smiled as she continued to kiss him. Jay picked his head up, realizing over ten minutes went by with Emma kissing his neck. He came face to face with Lizzy, who was climbing on the bed. "Morning kiddo," Jay said, causing Emma to stop kissing him. They untangled themselves from each other.

"Morning sweetie, ready for breakfast?" Emma asked. Elizabeth nodded her head vigorously as she climbed in between Jay and Emma.

"I guess I should get going." Jay playfully messed up Lizzy's hair before getting out of bed. Emma watched him walk around to her side of the bed, give her a small kiss on the cheek, and headed up the stairs.


	27. Chapter 26

Emma walked up the steps to see Alex in the kitchen. She put Lizzy down at the kitchen table and went about getting her daughter's breakfast.

"Did you come home last night?" Emma asked, looking at Lexi briefly before turning back to Lizzy's food.

"Yeah, I had a late shift," Alex started, "I saw Jay spent the night." Alex raised her eyebrows at Emma as she set Elizabeth's breakfast in front of her.

"Yeah," Emma said, now looking up to meet Alex's curious gleam, "He did, so why didn't you sleep in your bed?"

"I didn't want to interrupt anything," Alex began, "Plus, you two looked so cute so I figured I could give you your night alone."

"Lexi, we didn't…" Emma looked away before looking back at Lizzy, "We watched Peter Pan with Lizzy and went to bed."

"I didn't say you did do anything… like that," Lexi smirked a little, "I'm noticing how much closer you are to him though."

"Oh no, Lexi please don't," Emma shook her head as she went to get herself something to eat, "We're dating, it's been like six or seven months, and that's it."

"Okay, okay, no need to get your panties in a twist," Alex told her. "Have you guys said 'I love you' to each other yet?"

"No," Emma answered quickly and then shoved some food into her mouth. Alex watched her, waiting for Emma to be done chewing.

"Do you want to?" Alex asked, her voice becoming a tiny bit softer. Emma turned to face Alex, looking at her carefully.

"I don't know," Emma replied honestly, "Maybe." Shrugging, Emma looked over at Lizzy, who was happily finishing her breakfast. Everything had been going along so perfectly that it was actually making Emma nervous. Nothing had been this perfect for Emma before, and the past year has been so extremely hectic. Staring off into space, Emma began to think about Alex's question… maybe she did want to say 'I love you'…

* * *

For the next two days, Emma pondered over the whole 'I love you' thing. She couldn't understand why she was thinking about it so heavily. Hoping it was just because she had been working a lot, taking overtime, and then spending her nights/days with Lizzy. Emma really hadn't had a break to just clear her head. Plus, to add to the current stress, Emma's birthday was coming up. Ever since all this happened to Emma, with Elizabeth being born, and how she had been conceived, Spike and Snake had been set on planning everything. They wanted her to have all this stuff for her eighteenth year, but she honestly didn't want anything. Peace and quiet were the only two things on her list. For two consecutive days, Emma had been trying to talk her family into some quiet type of gathering. She didn't care whether they went out to dinner, or just stayed it, or whatever, as long as it was something simple. Her birthday was tomorrow, and Emma had no idea what anyone was up to. They were up to something though. Alex had informed Emma that she was to spend the night at Jay's, so right now, Emma was packing a bag. Jay was getting off work soon and would swing by to pick her up.

"Hi," Emma exasperated as she got into the passenger seat. She tossed her bag between the two front seats.

"What's wrong?" Jay asked as he pulled away from the curb. His free hand went to the back of Emma's neck, gently massaging it.

"Mmm," Emma murmured as Jay relaxed her neck muscles, "I know they're planning something, and they won't listen to me."

"I'm sorry Babe," Jay glanced at her quickly before looking back at the road. "So, I guess you'll just have to relax tonight. I'm sure they aren't doing anything to… extravagant."

"Tell me," Emma turned her head to look at him, "What they're planning." Jay just moved his fingers, massaging another part of Emma's neck.

"Sorry, but I don't actually know too much," Jay told her, "I think they suspected that you would force it out of me if I did know."

"Ugh," Emma sighed. It was really bugging her that she didn't know what was going on, but Jay's fingers brought her back to relaxation, "Mmm," She moaned softly again, "Can you give me a massage?"

"Whatever you want, it's your birthday," Jay said as he pulled into a parking space. Taking his hand off her neck, Jay reached into the backseat for Emma's overnight bag. They both got out of the car, meeting each other with a kiss, and headed up to his apartment.

After Jay unlocked the door, Emma went straight for his bedroom. Jay followed, dropping Emma's bag on his floor. With her body turned away from him, Emma unbuttoned her jeans, taking them off, and leaving them on the floor. The next thing to go was her shirt, which left her in a bra, and a pair of boy shorts.

"What are you doing?" Jay asked cautiously as he watched Emma undress. For a reason unknown to him, Emma was beginning to make him nervous.

"You said you'd give me a massage," Emma told him as she turned to face him, "Do you not want to anymore?"

"Oh, no I do," Jay watched Emma get on to his bed. She got comfortable on her stomach. Jay felt as if he was going to die. Seeing her, especially like that, in his bed, was extremely overwhelming for him. Slowly, Jay made it to his bed. In no time, Jay found his hands kneading into Emma's back. He made sure not to put too much pressure on her as his hands moved down her back. Soft, rather inaudible moans escaped her mouth as Jay relaxed the tension in her body.

Before Jay knew what he was doing, he was planting light, full kisses along Emma's back as he massaged her. Forcing himself not to touch her butt, Jay massaged and kissed down her leg, and up the other one. He thought that would be it, but Emma rolled over, allowing Jay to see her from the front. Trying not to stare at her too hard, Jay kissed and massaged the front of both legs. Once Jay was kissing her stomach, Emma tried her hardest not to giggle, but as Jay continued to kiss up her body, skipping over her chest, Emma felt a whole new sensation. As Jay kissed her shoulders, Emma locked her legs around her boyfriend's waist.

"What are you doing?" Jay queried, bringing his head up to look at Emma. Instead of giving him an answer, Emma brought her lips to his. Once he kissed her back, Emma parted her lips, allowing Jay more access to her mouth. As they broke the kiss for air, Jay asked, "Emma--"

"I want you," She looked right into his eyes, "I trust you." Jay brought his lips down to hers as his hand found her bra clasp. Slowly, Jay took it off of her. He took a moment to just look at her. Her breasts were perky, a little more than a handful; perfect. He kissed her again. Jay broke the kiss to slip out of his clothes, and Emma pulled Jay's covers down the bed. Climbing back up, Jay settled himself on top of Emma. As they began to kiss again, they both pulled the covers over their heads.

Emma lifted one leg, causing Jay's penis to fall onto her pantie covered pussy. She moaned softly into the kiss, arching her back a little. Jay's hand maneuvered it's way down her body, gripping the back of her thigh. He moved himself to the outside of her leg, allowing the hand that was once gripping her thigh to slither across her flat stomach, to the top of her underwear. Emma kissed him harder as Jay slowly moved his hands inside of her boy shorts.

She was feeling nervous, hot, excited, and too many other things to wrap her mind around. Breaking the kiss, Emma took a short breath as she felt Jay's fingers move down her clit. Slowly and gently, Jay entered her with one finger. He wanted Emma to feel good, to know not all sex is as horrible as her first time was. He wanted to make Emma feel the best she's ever felt

"Oh god," She breathed, her hips moving with Jay's hand on their own. Smirking, Jay added another finger. "Ahh, god," Emma's moan was low, breathy. Her eyes were closed tight, pleasure written all over her face. Jay moved down the bed a little, kissing down her neckline and across her exposed chest. Kissing all around her boob, Jay stopped at her left nipple. Taking it into his mouth, Jay sucked and nipped at it lightly. "Mmm," Emma moaned, "Ohhh."

Frustrated with the restriction Emma's boy shorts were giving him, Jay slowly pulled his fingers out of her. "Jay, don't stop," Emma moaned softly. Jay couldn't help the smirk forming on his lips. Those were a man's favorite words.

"I'm not," Jay assure her in a low voice. He sat up a little, giving himself leverage to pull her panties down. Once they were past her knees, Emma kicked them off. She pulled Jay back down to her, kissing him hungrily. Kissing back with equal intensity, Jay's hand found Emma's breast, squeezing it lightly in his hand before rubbing her nipple.

"Please Jay," Emma whispered into his ear. His name coming from her lips was music to Jay's ears. Obliging, Jay let his hand slide down Emma's body, finding her clit once again. "God, Jay," Emma moaned.

Jay slid his finger into her, loving how wet she was for him. Thrusting gently a couple times, Jay then added a second finger. He moved his thumb so it was barely grazing her nub, "Say it again baby," Jay urged in a soft, soothing voice.

"Jay, please," Emma breathed, "Faster." Without hesitation, Jay began moving his fingers in and out of her faster while his lips worked over ever inch of skin he could reach. Applying a bit more pressure onto her clit, Jay rubbed it in small circles. "Oh Jay, god, oh," Emma moaned.

Jay knew she was close and couldn't help but to rub a little faster, encouraging her. Stopping his kisses, Jay watched as Emma's orgasm began. He loved her erratic breathing and flushed cheeks. In a matter of seconds, Emma was cumming on Jay's fingers. He slowed his pace, allowing Emma to come down from her high before removing his hand. Bringing his fingers to his face, Jay licked them, tasting her juices.

Once Emma opened her eyes, she pulled Jay to her. She kissed him as if he hadn't kissed him in forever. Carefully, Jay positioned himself between her legs. He was rock hard and wasn't sure if he could wait any longer. When his cock touched Emma's still sensitive pussy, she gasped.

"Are you sure you want to?" Jay asked, nuzzling his nose against Emma's neck. She moved her hips a little, making Jay grind into her. After she nodded her head, assuring Jay she wanted to have sex, Jay slowly moved. With the majority of his weight on his hands and knees, Jay put the head of his cock to Emma's opening. Pushing gently, Jay began to ease in. "Oh fuck," Jay breathed, gritting his teeth. "You are so tight," Jay told her, teeth still clenched. He felt as if he could blow his load right then.

"You feel so good inside me," Emma cooed, lightly scratching her nails down around Jay's back. As the words hit Jay, he froze.

"Babe, I need to get a condom," He told her. All he could think about was getting her pregnant. The thought was slowly taking away his erection. There was no way he could handle two kids.

"I'm on the pill," She told him, "Don't leave. You feel so good," She breathed. With that information, Jay began moving again. He could feel her muscles clenching around him.

"Em, baby," Jay groaned, pushing himself deep into her before slowly moving back out. Holding himself up on his elbows, Jay put his face into the crook of Emma's neck, lightly sucking and bitting her soft skin.

"Oh Jay," Emma moaned as she wrapped her legs around his waist. "Faster Jay," She breathed, digging her nails into his back as Jay began moving faster. "Oh god yes," Emma moaned, "Jay," She whimpered in a long breath, on the brink of another orgasm.

"Cum for me Em," Jay whispered huskily into his ear, "Come on baby," He coaxed, moving a bit harder as he continued to quicken his pace.

"Jay, oh god, Jay," Emma shouted, gasping in breath as she had her second orgasm. Jay continued moving within her, making Emma's orgasm continue.

"Oh fuck, Em," Jay groaned, pumping his cock into her one last time. The thought of getting pregnant flashed into his mind, even with Emma on the pill. Quickly, Jay pulled out of her, erupting his seed on to stomach. Opening his eyes, Jay looked at Emma, his cum reaching up to her breasts. "Damn, you look sexy." Looking down at himself, Jay saw that he was still hard, and it was going to be a fantastic night.


	28. Chapter 27

They hadn't gone to bed until three in the morning, and Emma could barely sleep. She felt so happy that Emma didn't know what to do with all her excitement. With her head resting on his chest, Emma looked up at Jay's sleeping face. His chest was rising and falling with ease as he breathed steadily. He had been so gentle to her, especially while giving her that tremendous massage. Softly, Emma began to place light kisses along his chest. She could feel him move under her as she moved her body on top of him.

"What are you doing?" Jay whispered, still half asleep with his eyes closed. Emma kissed him once more before picking her head up.

"Just kissing you," Emma replied in a soft tone, "Just relax." Emma went back to placing light kisses along his chest. Raising his arm, Jay placed it on her waist, with his eyes still closed.

Sliding a bit, Emma slid onto Jay's cock, causing Jay to bring his other hand to her waist and squeeze her gently. He opened his eyes, smirking a bit at her.

"Just kissing?" Jay asked in a sly tone.

Emma tried to hide her blushing cheeks. He ran his hands up her body, and down her arms, letting his hands rest on hers, which were on his chest. Lacing his fingers with hers, Jay brought her down to him, "I need a kiss." Emma placed her lips on his, not expecting Jay to kiss her with such passion. As it intensified, Emma moaned into the kiss. The ringing of Jay's cell phone broke the kiss.

"Go ahead," Emma leaned back up, "Answer it." Jay looked at her, silently asking her if she was sure, since they were in the middle of something. "I'm sure… we'll just have to… be quiet." Emma told him. Jay smirked as he reached over for his phone.

"What?" Jay asked, keeping his tone normal. Emma looked at him for a second before closing her eyes and biting her bottom lip, riding him at a slow, steady pace. "Um, she's… sleeping." Jay watched Emma as she bit her lip to keep quiet. "Uh-huh," Jay said into the phone, now trying to be quiet too. Emma could only hear his side of the conversation, but she couldn't focus on it. "Okay," Jay watched Emma as she leaned down against his body. She slid her arms under his, holding onto the back of his shoulders. "Okay," Jay repeated, knowing that that didn't sound normal, because Emma was now breathing into his ear. Once she kissed it, nibbling on his earlobe, Jay said, "Jeez," causing Alex, who was on the other end to say "what". "Nothing," Jay said quickly, soon followed by an "Okay."

"You need… to hang… up." Emma practically panted into his ear. It was getting harder to stay quiet, and Emma lightly bit down on his skin between his shoulder and neck. "Mmm," She groaned softly into his skin.

"Okay, I will… okay," Jay tried his best to get Alex to hang up, "Yeah sure… okay… bye." Jay shut his phone and tossed it down the bed, not caring where it landed. Both of his hands were now on Emma, taking over her movements. She raked her nails down his back, enhancing both their pleasure.

"Oh fuck, Em," Jay groaned as he slammed himself into her. Gasping, Emma hit her peak, an orgasm washing over her

As it ended, Emma stayed on top of Jay, slowly regaining her breath. Stroking her back, Jay too waited for his breathing to go back to normal. He had just had sex two times in less than eight hours, and part of him still couldn't believe it.

"I love you." Emma stated against her chest. Jay stopped rubbing her back, almost lost in the moment as he wrapped his head around those three little words.

"You do?" Jay asked, unsure if he had actually heard her correctly. Emma pushed herself up, her arms now on either side of his body.

"Yeah…" Emma confirmed, "I wanted to say it last night… when we first…" Emma referred to their first act of sex, "But I decided I wanted to wait until it was actually my birthday."

"I love you too." Jay replied, giving her a warm smile. He tucked her hair behind her ear as she brought her lips to his.

Emma slid off Jay, now lying beside him. She sighed in happiness. It was too bad that Emma would have to leave, that they would have to get out of bed at all. Jay kissed her cheek and got out of bed, heading off to go to the bathroom. Emma was facing away from the doorway, so Jay saw no need to put any clothes on. She was too busy in her own head, too busy thinking about how perfect everything is. When Jay came back into the room, he slid himself across the bed, lying close to Emma once again.

"Who was on the phone?" Emma asked as she rolled over to face him. He watched as the sheet hugged her naked body.

"Alex," He answered simply, pulling his eyes off of her. She blushed slightly and looked away. "She wanted to make sure I brought you back to your house."

"Well, then I guess we should get going." Emma moved to the edge of the bed; reaching around until she found Jay's t-shirt from last night. It fell down her body before she unwrapped the sheet that was around her. Standing up, Jay's shirt fell to Emma's thigh. She walked out of the room, grabbing her overnight bag as she went. Jay watched her leave, secretly wishing he didn't wear his shirts so baggy. After a couple minutes, Jay heard the water running. Smirking, Jay got out of bed, walking into the bathroom. Emma was already in the shower, standing underneath the warm water, just letting it cascade down her body. Jay pulled the shower curtain back a little, watching the water fall down his girlfriend's body. Her back was to him as he climbed into the shower. Putting his arms around her, he felt Emma tense up and he let out a tiny chuckle.

"Jay!" Emma pushed him lightly, but he kept his arms locked around her waist. His lips made their way to her neck, kissing her gently. Settling herself against his body, Emma closed her eyes. She hadn't felt this great in a long time. Jay's lips made their way up her neck, across her jaw line, and stopped at her lips. As they kissed, Jay moved his hand to her stomach, allowing his fingertips to rub across the smoothness of her belly. Placing her hands over his, Emma gently ran her fingers over his.

After an almost innocent shower, Jay and Emma got out. Wrapping a towel around his waist, Jay gave Emma a kiss on the cheek before leaving the bathroom. She finished getting ready, all except for getting dressed. Exiting the bathroom in her bra and bikini bottoms, Emma left the towel wrapped around her body and went to Jay's room to get dressed. He was sitting on the bed in jeans and his sneakers, getting ready to slip his shirt over his head, but decided not to. Instead, Jay pulled Emma over to him by the bottom of her towel. Pulling it off of her, Jay brought the half naked Emma into his lap.

"Jay," Emma began as Jay kissed her lips, down to her neck, "You know once we get to my house, we can't do this right?"

"Babe," Jay half whined, pulling his lips off of her skin. She gave him a sympathetic look and a kiss on the lips before getting up to get dressed.

"If mom and Snake find out that we had sex, they won't let me stay here anymore, nor will they let you stay at my house." Emma went on to explain.

"I know," Jay sighed. He was finally getting to fully be with Emma, and now it had to be hidden. His eyes watched Emma's movements as she dressed into a pair of shorts and a tank top. Emma turned to him, a semi-shy smile on her face.

"Ready to go?" Emma asked as she pulled the strap of her bag onto her shoulder. Putting his shirt on, Jay stood up, rolling his eyes. Emma gave him a sweet kiss on the lips and pulled him along with her.

* * *

It was quiet when Emma walked into the house, Jay following close behind. Suddenly, a light was turned on and everyone screamed 'Happy Birthday!'. Shocked, Emma smiled faintly. This is what she didn't want, but she knew her parents wanted her to have a birthday. Emma couldn't even remember the last time she had a birthday party. Thankfully, there weren't many people; Spike, Snake, Manny, Alex, Joey, Caitlin, Lucy, Craig, Angie, and a couple people Emma didn't know. Laughing to herself, Emma figured this was more of a get together for her parents more than her. Abruptly, Emma's face fell. Elizabeth. Looking around, Emma didn't see her. She pulled Spike away from the crowd.

"Mom, where's Lizzy?" Emma asked in a whisper. She was trying not to sound overly paranoid, but why would they throw her a party when no one knew that Emma had a kid.

"She's downstairs, playing with Jack," Spike gave her a soft look, telling her everything was fine, "We'll tell everyone she's a niece or cousin or something."

"I'm gonna go see her," Emma held her bag to her as she went down the stairs. There she was, her daughter, playing on the floor with some of her toys. She gave Jack a kiss on the head, as well as one to Lizzy.

"Mommy!" The little girl exclaimed, flinging her arms around Emma. Instantly, a smile appeared on Emma's face as she hugged Elizabeth.

"Hey Tink, mommy missed you so much," Emma told her. They hugged for a while before Emma sat down on the floor with Lizzy in her lap. "Are you playing nice with Uncle Jack?"

"Uncle Jack?" Craig questioned from the stairway. He was on his way down, wanting to say happy birthday to his old friend.

"Oh… Craig, hi," Emma stared at him, and then down at the little girl in her arms. "Uh…" She didn't know what to say, she didn't know what to do.

"She-she's… your daughter?" Craig asked, clearly shocked, as well as confused. This was Emma Nelson. He never expected her to become pregnant, not until she was married at least, "Are you married?"

"No," Emma exhaled, "We haven't talked since you left, and a lot has happened… but yeah, she is my daughter. Lizzy, short for Elizabeth, and Lizzy, this is Craig." Emma pointed over towards Craig as the little girl looked up at him, smiling.

"She looks just like you," Craig sat down next to Emma, returning Lizzy's smile, "How old is she?"

"She's about thirteen months," Emma approximated. She looked down at Lizzy and then over to Jack, who was to preoccupied with his toys.

"Does anyone know about her?" Craig looked at Emma. He could tell this was still a pretty sore subject.

"Me, obviously, mom, Snake, Alex, Manny, Jay, and now you," Emma kissed the top of Lizzy's head and placed her hand on her hair.

"Jay… is that why he's here?" Craig got a nod out of Emma. "He's not the father, is he?"

"No," Emma shook her head, laughing a bit, "But he's been great… we've been dating for about seven months or so. Lizzy adores him."

"That's good," Craig nodded slightly, "Well, happy birthday," He smiled, putting an arm around Emma, giving her a side hug.

"Em, Manny is ready to open your gifts," Jay said as he came down the stairs. The first thing his laid his eyes on was Manning's arm around Emma.

"Jay," Lizzy smiled big. She hadn't seen him in a few days. Emma turned her head around to face him as he hid his jealousy.

"I guess we should get upstairs," Emma turned her full attention to Lizzy, "Now, you stay down here and play with Uncle Jack, okay?" Lizzy nodded her head, already picking up one of her toys. Craig got up, followed by Emma, and the three went upstairs. Emma said her hellos, giving short hugs, and talking small talk. Jay was right; Manny was bouncing up and down, wanting Emma to open up her gifts. She had only been up there maybe a half hour before everyone heard crying. Immediately, Emma raced downstairs, fearing the worst. Lizzy sat on the floor, crying, while Jack stood by a broken little snow globe that had been on her dresser.

"Sorry Emmy, I didn't mean to hit it," Jack looked upset. He didn't think his ball was going to hit anything, and Spike had already told him about playing ball in the house.

"It's okay Jack," Emma gave him a reassuring smile before going over to Lizzy. "Sweetie, shh," Emma cooed as she held her in her arms. "Let mommy look at you," Emma checked her over, making sure she didn't get cut by any pieces of broken glass. The concern for her daughter was the one and only thing on her mind, which made her oblivious to the people that, had followed her down to her room. As she rock Lizzy, Emma turned to see everyone staring at her. Everyone who didn't know about Lizzy had shock written all over their face.

"I'll get something to clean the glass up with," Alex broke the silence, turning to go back upstairs.

Everyone stood frozen in their spot, staring at Emma. She could feel their eyes burning holes into her. Lizzy had calmed down, now only sniffling every now and then and she clung to her mother. Emma was now beginning to get restless. She had to say something, or do something, anything. Alex came back down, wiping up the water from the globe. Emma set Lizzy down, and went over to help Alex. Lizzy watched the water move around a bit before looking up at everyone who was staring at her.

"Jay," Lizzy called, waddling over towards him. He came all the way downstairs, meeting Lizzy's outstretched arms. He picked her up, tossing her lightly in the air, and caught her in his arms.

"Hey kiddo," He said to her as she giggled. Everybody focused their attention on how Jay was behaving with Lizzy. It was his turn to feel eyes burning into his back. He didn't like it, not at all. His first instinct was to turn around and tell them off, but he tried to keep his composure.

"So… let's go have some cake," Spike announce out of the blue. She ushered everyone upstairs, including Jack and Lizzy. They all sat around the living room as Spike brought out the cake. Happy birthday was sung, Emma blew out the candles, and the cake was cut.

"So, she's… yours?" Caitlin asked, looking between Emma and Lizzy. Emma finished chewing the cake in her mouth slowly.

"Yeah, she is," Emma confirmed, nodding her head once. "Her name's Elizabeth, or Lizzy, and she's a little over one." She smiled over at Lizzy, who was happily getting cake all over her face.

"She's adorable," Lucy complimented. After that was said, everyone tried to push past the awkwardness, everyone except Jay, who was already overly irritated. He motioned for Emma to walk with him towards the door.

"I'm gonna get going," Jay told her, and he saw her face fall slightly, "I tried Em, I did, but there's too many people here, and I can't take all the tension." She just nodded and looked down. He gave her a kiss, "I'll see you later." Emma watched Jay leave; still staring at the closed door once he was gone. She knew he couldn't change, and she didn't want him to, but she just wanted to spend more time with him. Trying not to let it bring her mood down, Emma went back into the living room to open up presents.


	29. Chapter 28

There was a carnival near town, so Emma asked Jay if he wanted to go with her. They walked around, with Lizzy secured tightly in her arms. Emma had gone on a couple rides with Lizzy, but Jay wouldn't. His head was clouded. All he could think about was several days back when he had told Emma he loved her. Now, Jay realized he didn't really know what love was. Although he thought he loved Emma, all Jay could think about was what a big responsibility that was. She has a kid. Jay looked over at Lizzy and Emma. They were now getting some cotton candy. Emma is an excellent mother, but could Jay be an excellent father, and to a kid that wasn't even his?

The whole time he walked around the carnival, with Emma and Lizzy, he heard people talking. Some saying how cute they were, some assuming they were married, others saying how stupid they were for having a kid so young. The people talking didn't bother him, well it did, but only because he wanted to tell them to shut the hell up. What bothered him was that Jay didn't know if he could do this. Every time Jay looked over at Emma, he instantly had a small smile on his face, but that didn't last. Seeing Emma and Lizzy together scared him. Sure, he was getting his life together. He graduated, he had a pretty steady job, and was on his own two feet, but could he take care of a kid?

"What's wrong?" Emma asked as she walked back over to him. They sat down on a bench a little ways away from the crowd.

"Nothing," Jay told her, shaking his head a bit. Emma ripped off a little piece of cotton candy to give to Lizzy, who was smiling happily.

"You're lying." She replied. Jay looked over at her. Emma wasn't even looking at him and she knew he was lying.

"I've just been thinking," Jay said. Emma looked over at him, tilting her head to the side slightly, but once Lizzy reached for the cotton candy, Emma's attention was turned back to her daughter.

"What about?" She asked. Jay knew that Emma could stay focused on him, especially while Lizzy was in her 'I'm going to grab everything and anything I can reach' stage, but it kind of bothered him.

"This," He answered, his voice was a little on the quiet side. That one, four lettered word instantly got Emma's attention.

"This… you mean… us?" She questioned, her voice was softer. Trying to keep her eyes on him, to read him, Emma couldn't do it. Lizzy reached the cotton candy, pulling a handful off.

"Yeah," Jay nodded slightly, "It's… a lot… with Lizzy and all… a big… responsibility." He didn't know how his words were affecting Emma, he couldn't look at her.

"Oh," Emma paused taking a break, "Are you saying you don't want… to… be here… in this… relationship?" She ripped the handful of cotton candy into smaller pieces for Lizzy to eat.

"I just… don't think… I can handle it." Jay said honestly. He looked at Emma as she looked up at him.

"You can't handle being my boyfriend." She didn't know whether it was a question or a statement, "Well then, I guess… you should do… whatever's best for you."

"Em, I just… a kid… I…" Jay couldn't complete a sentence. Looking at her, his voice softened, "I'm sorry." With that said Jay got up and walked away from them.

"Jay," Lizzy questioned, watching him leave. Jay didn't turn around; instead, he leaned against the side of the building, out of Emma's sight, but still able to hear them talking.

"He has to leave sweetie," Emma told Lizzy, trying to keep her voice normal. Lizzy looked up at her confused.

"Jay dad," Lizzy said, causing tears to well up in Emma's eyes. Sucking them back, Emma shook her head gently.

"Sweetie, I know you're too young to understand this, but Jay is not your father, and he's not ready to be your daddy." Emma ran her hand through Lizzy's hair. She could tell Lizzy was going to start crying. "It's okay though sweetie. You have mommy, grandma, grandpa, Uncle Jack, Aunt Lexi, and Aunt Manny, and we all love you so very much." Emma hugged her daughter, trying hard not to cry. "Let's head home, we can watch Peter Pan."

* * *

Emma kept herself busy, she had to keep herself busy, otherwise she felt like she would breakdown. She hadn't talked to in days, maybe even weeks, Emma didn't know, she had lost track. Apparently, Jay hadn't said anything to anyone, because Alex didn't question her once. However, Emma never really gave Lexi the option. Usual, Emma worked shifts that were different from the people she lived with so someone would be home with Lizzy, but now Emma made sure she was always at work. If Emma wasn't working, she was spending the day with Lizzy and Jack, out somewhere or another. They went for walks, to various parks, to carnivals, to zoos, shopping for toys, anything and everything. When Emma wasn't working, or out with the kids, she was cleaning the house, sprucing up the outside, grocery shopping, and running errands for her mom.

Her mind needed to stay busy, so Emma made sure she was always busy. There as no way she was going to fall apart. Sure, her life had been good, but now Emma was Jay-less. It felt weird. It was an understatement to say she was upset, Emma was more than upset, she was pissed. The more she thought back to that day at the funeral, the madder she became, but whenever those thoughts lingered in her mind, Emma took on a new project. She had redone the basement, fixed up Lizzy's side, rearranged her stuff, and fixed Alex's side. Jack, being almost six, was due for some 'big boy' things, which Emma offered to do, so no matter what, Emma was occupied.

"Em?" Alex called out. She had just come in from work and had great news, which she couldn't wait to share with one of her best friends.

"Down here Lexi," Emma's voice came from the basement, so Alex walked down the stairs. The room looked different, spotless.

"Whoa, you could probably eat off the floor," Alex remarked. She dropped her bag by her bed and sat down, "Guess what?"

"What?" Emma asked, her ears perking up just a bit. She could hear the excitement in Alex's voice, and Alex didn't get excited very often.

"I found a really great place," She told Emma. Instantly, Emma stopped what she was doing and looked up at her friend.

"What?" She repeated, hoping that she had heard Alex wrong. She knew she didn't, she could tell by the look on Alex's face.

"I found this really great apartment, that I can afford, and it's close to U of T." Alex said to her, and continued to ramble on about how great it was that she had found a place to live.

"But you already have a place to live," Emma told her. Alex donned a confused look, wondering why this was bothering Emma so much.

"Em, I can't live in your parents' house for the rest of my life." Alex replied, watching as Emma took a step back and shook her head.

"No, I know that, but you don't have to leave." Emma took another step back. Alex could tell that she was upset, but didn't understand why.

"Em, I'm finally doing something. I have a job, and I'm going to be going to college. My life is finally on track, you should be happy for me." Alex said to her, now getting upset. Emma is just being selfish.

"I can't believe your leaving me too," Emma shook her head again and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door closed.

Alex looked at the closed bathroom door. Even though Emma had almost mumbled 'I can't believe your leaving me too', Alex had heard her. She got off her bed, walking towards the bathroom. Knocking lightly, Alex spoke.

"Em, what did you mean?" She asked softly, not wanting to upset Emma anymore than she already was. She could hear Emma get up and open the bathroom door.

"Jay and I broke up," She said softly as she sat back down on the floor. Her back was against the tub, and she brought her knees into her chest.

"What? Why?" Alex queried, sitting down next to Emma. Folding her arms, Emma rested them on her knees. Placing her chin on top of her arm, Emma looked straight ahead.

"He just said he couldn't handle it. It's too much." Emma shook her head, "I told him to do what was best for him, and he got up and walked away."

"I'm going to beat the crap out of him." Alex said aloud, although not speaking to Emma. Picking her head up, Emma looked at Alex.

"You don't need to do that." She paused to make sure her voice was steady. "I'm fine. I mean, he lied to me, but I'm fine."

"What'd he lie about? Did he cheat on you? I swear I will beat him." Alex was already clenching her fist.

"No, no, he didn't cheat on me." She took a deep breath, determined not to cry over this. "I told him I loved him… he said it back… a few days later… we broke up… so he lied… he doesn't love me." Emma shrugged, "It's better I know now than later." She stood up, "I better go check on Lizzy and Jack."

Alex watched as Emma left the bedroom and headed upstairs. She couldn't believe it. Jay had really broken up with her. What the hell was wrong with him? Alex stood up, ready to go give Jay a piece of her mind. Why would he say he loved her and then break up with her? Alex shook her head. She knew Emma made it sound like it was mutual, and that Emma was fine, but Alex wasn't going to believe it.

Upstairs, Emma had gone to check on the kids. They were in the living room. Jack was trying to read to Lizzy, doing the best he could. Smiling, Emma sat on the couch, watching them play with each other. There was a knock on the door, but Emma didn't even get a chance to get up before it opened.

"Em, it's me." Manny called out. She closed the door behind her and found Emma in the living room. Taking a seat beside her best friend, Manny smiled.

"You look happy." Emma said to her, noticing Manny's big grin. Manny nodded her head up and down, the grin never leaving her face.

"I auditioned for a movie!" She squealed. "It took forever, and I had to wait hours, but it was well worth it. I got the part!" Manny squealed again, excitement pouring out of her.

"That's great Manny" Emma hugged her best friend. She was excited for her, even though she was in a pretty crappy mood. Alex and Manny both had great things happen for them today, and Emma got the short end of the stick, but she wasn't going to complain. They deserved happiness, even more so than Emma did.

* * *

"Jay!" Alex yelled as soon as she step foot in the garage. The workers immediately looked up, one of them hitting their head on the open hood of a car. She scanned their faces looking for the guy she came to yell at.

"What?" Jay asked, not even bothering to look up from what he was doing. Alex found his way to him and folded her arms across her chest.

"What the hell is the matter with you? Alex smacked him upside the head and then folded her arms back over her chest.

"Ow, Lexi what was that for?" Jay rubbed the back of his head before going back to work. Alex wanted to hit him again, but this time not upside the head.

"That was because you're an ass." Alex told him. Jay gave her a confused look, but kept on working. If he continued to ignore her, Alex was definitely going to hit him again.

"Lexi, I'm working here." He replied, oblivious to the importance of the situation. He was too busy trying to keep his mind busy.

"I don't care. I cannot believe you!" Alex raised her voice slightly. "How can you tell her you love her and then walk away from her?"

Jay groaned, "I do not want to talk about this Lexi." Jay warned and went on working away at the car. Alex slammed her hand down on the car.

"I don't care what you want. I want to know what the hell you were thinking!" Alex's voice continued to get louder, and now everyone in the garage was looking at him.

"Alex, I will not talk about this here." He warned again, trying to remain calm. There was no way he could explode at his job; Jay couldn't afford to get fired.

"Just tell me what you were thinking. Why would you do that to her?" Alex's voice softened, causing Jay to sigh.

"Lexi, I can't be that guy," He shook his head, "It just isn't me." Jay went back to working on the car, only making Alex angry again.

"She never asked you for anything." Alex reminded him, "She never once asked you to play a role with Lizzy. You left because you're a big freaking baby!"

"Lexi, my patience level is nonexistent." He warned. "I know I left because I don't think I can handle it. Seeing Lizzy cry, watching Emma take care of her, that is a huge responsibility, and the kid isn't even mine."

"You… you really… don't love her…" Alex shook her head and took a step back. Even she thought this was low.

"Don't you dare say that." Jay growled, glaring at Alex. "Don't ever question my feelings for her. I like Emma, a lot. If it's love… I'm not sure."

"You're being an idiot." Alex told him. "She thinks you don't love her, that you just lied. You are hurting her… I hope you're happy."

* * *

"Emma, are you sure?" Alex asked as she picked up a box. Emma had spent the morning with her packing up the little that Alex owned.

"Lexi, yes, I am sure," Emma emphasized her words, "It's great that you are doing so well." Emma told her.

"Yeah, but I don't have to leave, I can wait, if you need me," Alex replied, watching Emma closely. Emma appreciated her concern, but didn't want to tell her that she was fine, yet again.

"Someone could have snatched the apartment from you," Emma stopped moving around and looked at Alex, "Besides, you are only like a fifteen minute drive. I can come bother you whenever I want." That got a small laugh out of Alex, and the two went back to packing. They loaded up Alex's car. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

Alex looked at the orange Honda civic that was coming down the block, "Yup, I'm sure." Alex stated, putting the key into the ignition.

"Alex," Emma half squealed. She watched Jay park the car and slowly get out. Turning to Alex, Emma made a help me gesture.

Mouthing the words 'talk to him', Alex started her car, "I'll see you later." She called out and began pulling away, but not before she beeped her horn at Jay.

Jay gave her a sarcastic smile and then watched her car go off down the street. Now, it was just Emma and Jay. They stood there, semi-awkwardly. Emma decided she would be the bigger person.

"You can come in if you want," She said over her shoulder as she walked back into her house. Slowly, Jay followed her in, closing the door behind him.

"I have some cleaning to do," Emma let Jay know, and walked down to her room. Once again, Jay followed. Emma began cleaning up her room, moving Lizzy's stuff around since Alex was no longer down there. She was growing impatient, wondering why Jay came here at all.

"Let me help you," Jay managed to say. He grabbed one end of Lizzy's dresser, and helped Emma move it against the wall.

"Thanks," Emma replied politely and turned her back to him. Taking a deep breath, Emma went back to cleaning.

"I um, I'm sorry," Jay told her. Emma turned around, looking at him intently. "I… miss… you…" Jay's voice had softened.

"What do you want me to say Jay?" Emma asked, but not looking him in the eye. She knew once she saw those piercing blue eyes that she would cave in.

"I don't know," Jay shrugged, "Maybe that you miss me too." He suggested, a small smirk evident on his lips.

"Of course I miss you," Emma replied, "But, you were right, having Lizzy is a big responsibility. I never asked anything from you when it came to her, but I can't have you running in and out of my life. I need to be stable for her, and she's confused about you enough as it is."

"I'm being honest with you," Jay paused, "It scares me… to be looked at as her father, because I could be horrible at it… but being without you… and Lizzy… was way worse."

Emma smiled softly, "Jay…" She looked at him, realizing he was waiting on her next words, "You have to promise me you won't flake out on me again." She was now standing right in front of him.

"I won't," Jay put his hands on her hips, bringing her closer to him, "Promise." He breathed before putting his lips on hers. Emma hugged him close to her as they kissed. It had felt like ages since they last had a chance to do this.

The banging of the front door had made them pull away. Jay walked behind Emma and they headed up the stairs. Spike and Snake were back with Jack and Lizzy. Smiling, Elizabeth waddled over to Emma, extending her arms. Emma picked her up, kissing her forehead.

"Hey sweetie, look who's here," Emma motioned to Jay. Lizzy just looked at him. She was confused, happy, and sad all at the same time, which is a lot of emotions for a one year old. "Say hi," Emma urged.

"Hi…" Lizzy replied shyly. She just stared up at him, wondering what name she was allowed to call him. Emma looked between Lizzy and Jay with worry.

"Come here kiddo," Jay took Lizzy from Emma's arms, "How would you like to call me dad?" He asked her. She looked at him.

"Daddy," Lizzy repeated. Jay nodded, causing Lizzy and Emma to smile. She put her arm around his waist, and reached up to kiss his cheek. _Perfect_.


End file.
